Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Never Say Never To Nudism



                                                                 
White Thorn Lodge

It's taken most of my life to realize the importance of never saying never, until I came across an ad for a nudist club. The White Thorn Lodge in Darlington, PA is listed in the American Association for Nude Recreation (AANR), and it is clearly "not a clothing optional resort." What makes this stand out from many others is that this is a "family nudist club."  

Well it's been a while since we've taken a family vacation and our kids don't really enjoy shopping or museums. Another draw is that the lodge is " Home of the Original Nude Volleyball Superbowl," and they really do love sports. 

The only swimwear requirement is that babies must wear some form of plastic pants in the pool. I never did like trying on bathing suits, and I do get over-heated in my three-piece, so hanging around the pool au naturel might not be so bad. I'm sure my 19 and 22 year old boys would want to be first in line with us for the family swim. 

It would be wonderful not to have to deal with packing, as we'd each board the flight with a baggie filled with a toothbrush, toothpaste and sunscreen. I would probably want to include some body bronzer for those hard to reach areas, and some waterproof duct tape for windy days. Sunglasses would be my only accessory.

After we arrived, we'd have to adhere to the lodge rule of always carrying a towel to sit on. And I was worried about hygiene.


Note: This is a repost from the 2011 A to Z Challenge. Be sure to check out the 2014 participants  here.  I'll be leaving on vacation next week, and will have limited Internet access. Don't worry, our carry-ons will include more than toothbrushes. I'll try to check in with everyone before I leave. Looking forward to catching up with all of you in May.


Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Hard of Hearing Husbands

Wife And Husband Watch Tv Show



Husband: What did he say?


Wife: Pause the TV and I'll tell you. 

(After the explanation, he plays it back.)

Wife: Do you think I'm a liar? Why would I waste more time inventing new dialogue? If you were going to rewind it anyway, then why did you ask me in the first place? If we keep going through this over and over again a sitcom will turn into a drama, and a drama will turn into a mini-series.....

Husband: What? 

Has this happened in your home? Is your husband or aged boy toy in denial about hearing loss? Can you listen to all of your next-door neighbors' TV shows with the windows closed? And what about the issue of selective hearing? Does this affect old and young alike?

In our household, there is definitely a selective hearing epidemic that has taken over all of the male members. My husband yo-yo's back and forth between not hearing anything, dozing off in the middle of a sentence, to hearing whispers, and complete conversations with friends in noisy restaurants.  Of course, he has the uncanny ability to hear all bodily sounds, but fortunately his sense of smell is floundering.

My sons' have inherited my husband's ability to tune me out especially when I ask them to pick up their clothes or straighten out their rooms. All three of them can watch a game on TV, text, and IM at the same time. Though my husband mistakes  IM's for instant meals.

I often worry that my husband may one day drag me down to the guttural gallows, as the volume continues to go up. The other day my brother asked me," What are the two things our mom does better than anyone else at the retirement community? "  

Considering that my mom is among the youngest of the residents, I thought long and hard about my answer. Two seconds later I replied, " Seeing and hearing!" Well my eyesight isn't as sharp as it used to be, but I'll fight to preserve my exceptional inherent hearing skills.  Even if it means hiding the remote.
   
Note:  I originally wrote this for the 2012  A to Z Challenge. Unfortunately, the situation hasn't improved. 

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

To Be Or Not To Bee

                                                                                





Today is the letter "B" for the A to Z Challenge. Though it is bittersweet that I'm not participating this year, I thought that I would briefly combine it with the Insecure Writer's Support Group. Since  Alex J. Cavanaugh is an integral force of both groups, it seemed only fitting.

                                                       


As a writer, it is very confusing to find words that have more than one spelling. Recently, our younger son showed us a paper about amateur sports. He had written amature. Although the word didn't pass spell-check, it still popped up on the Free Online Dictionary. I finally found amateur on the Merriam Webster site, which is the gold standard. Needless to say, he agreed to change it.


Spelling is more confusing now than ever with the advent of texting. A friend of mine told me that her daughter received an email for a job interview that was written like a text message without capital letters or punctuation. Her daughter was careful to respond in a professional manner wondering if this was some sort of test. Many adults are just as bad as kids when it comes to abbreviating their messages in an effort to save time.

Years ago, I worked for a market research firm that posted notes on a bulletin board. When a survey was canceled they would write CANCELLED in bold print. Once it was my turn to post an announcement, and I struggled with the two spellings. I knew that canceled was the correct American English spelling, but if I didn't spell it their way, then I would look like an idiot. Begrudgingly, I spelled it with two L's, or is it begrudginglly?



Wednesday, March 26, 2014

The Fools Of The Road

                                                         
shivajivarma.wordpress.com
     
Recently, we were driving into the city for dinner with another couple. We were seated Flintstone style with Fred and Barney in the front, and Wilma and Betty in the back. All of a sudden, a car that didn't have its headlights on started to pass us. I encouraged our friend to signal the driver by honking or flashing his lights. He simply ignored my suggestions, as he and my husband continued their conversation.

On the way home, another incident occurred. This happened on the expressway while he was trying to change lanes. The two hot rods were going head to head to prove who was King Of The Road, and our friend was determined not to let this young punk take over his title. As Wilma and I were hanging on for dear life, Fred and Barney were conspiring to teach this guy a lesson.

After we knew we were out of danger, I brought up dinner, and maybe a bit of lunch, before I said, "What's the matter with you Fred, and Barney you're just as guilty. How can two grown men with families waste all this time drag racing with a maniac, when you couldn't even help another driver who forgot to turn on his lights?"

Then Fred replied matter-of-factly, "That guy was just playing a twisted game. He purposely drove without his lights on, so that the first person who flashed his lights would become a moving target for them to shoot. How could I risk getting us all killed?"

Barney said that he had also heard stories about those gang related shootings. I said that the whole thing sounded absolutely ridiculous, and that by signaling to the driver it could prevent future accidents. The subject quickly changed, and Fred had us all laughing the rest of the way home.

The next morning, I was rummaging through the Sunday paper when something interesting caught my eye. I grabbed my husband, as we called our friends to tell them to pull out the Motormouth Rides section of the Chicago Tribune. Coincidentally, someone else  was reluctant to help drivers who didn't have their lights on for the very same reason that Fred had mentioned. This was Bob Weber's (Motormouth) response:

"This is an urban legend that, as far as I could find, goes back to 1993. Despite such stories bouncing around, this is not part of a gang initiation. Please don't let unfounded rumors prevent you from being a good Samaritan."

Fred and Barney were also surprised to read this article only a day after the incident had occurred. Hopefully, this will result in them becoming more courteous drivers, instead of acting out their road rage. At least they both said, "You were right Julie, I mean Betty." I think "You are right," is the new "I love you."




Wednesday, March 19, 2014

The Dirt on Cleaning Appliances

                                                             

I'm not just writing this blog, I'm cleaning my dishwasher and washing machine. My dishwasher has caked on residue from excessive powder buildup. For some reason the liquid detergents, and time released tablets don't dissolve in my dishwasher, so I've been using the old fashioned powder formula. It's reached the point that my younger son even commented on how awful the inside looked, and generously offered to clean it for a small fee. Remarkably, my dishes are still coming out clean, and no one has dropped dead at this writing.

My washing machine is also causing strange problems. The dark colors come out fine, but light colors often come out with a single brownish line, even when they're washed inside out. The manufacturer told me to wash the machine out with bleach which only works for a few loads until it sneaks up on an unsuspecting white shirt.

Currently, I'm washing out both machines, which is probably the equivalent of putting on a band aid. My hope is that I won't have to replace either machine for as long as possible, or at least until April. Yes, my motives are purely selfish. My birthday is later this month, and I don't want an appliance as a present. I still haven't gotten over the Dustbuster my husband bought me, after our younger son was born.


Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Rub -A- Dub Schlubs

                                                                   
teamcoco.com
     
According to U.S. News,  "Falling is the leading cause of home injury deaths; it claims nearly 6000 lives per year. And although there are ways to reduce this risk, the president of the Home Safety Council recommends that homeowners install grab bars in their bathtubs and showers."

The Cato Institute Handbook For Congress reported in 2009, "One's chance of being killed in a terrorist attack is many times less than one's chance of drowning in a bathtub or being killed by a fall from scaffolding or a ladder."

 A 2008 study in Today Health, "...found staphylococcus bacteria, a common cause of serious skin infections, in 26 percent of the tubs tested, as compared with just 6 percent of garbage cans. Tubs typically had more than 100,000 bacteria per square inch."

None of this mattered, as a man in his mid-late forties from Oklahoma City was enjoying his bath a few days ago. His mom was off in the kitchen making a sandwich when she heard the loud boom. Next, she felt the house shake, and feared an earthquake hit. Then she heard the loud screams coming from the bathroom.

At first she couldn't even find her son trapped under all of the rubble. The tub and the toilet were completely demolished. The driving force was asleep at the wheel of a Volkswagen Jetta.

After firefighters dug out the bather, and carried him out on a stretcher, it was reported that he only suffered from a large gash on his leg. The 25 year-old driver miraculously had no injuries when he crashed full throttle into the brick house, as a result of staying up all night. Apparently, he credited his complete state of relaxation to remaining unscathed.

After he pointed out, "I wasn't drunk, or anything obviously, and I'm awake now," the police handed him "an energy drink and a ticket for distracted driving." Then he set off for his nearby neighborhood home.

And you thought it was bad to bathe in your own filth. Thus far, there has been no word on the whereabouts of the victim's rubber duckie.


Wednesday, March 5, 2014

When IWSG and A to Z Collide




 


                       
It's time for another edition of  Alex J. Cavanaugh'sInsecure Writer's Support Group. Be sure to visit this encouraging group of bloggers. This year, the first Wednesday in April coincides with the letter "B" in the  A to Z Blogging Challenge. Although I won't be participating this year, I'd like to offer some suggestions on how to creatively combine the two.


                                                      


Three year participant Al Penwasser will also not be part of the festivities this year, in order to work on his hilarious new book. However, he mentioned that he might re-post some of his favorite alphabet stories. This reminded me of my three posts for the letter "B," and how they would fit into the IWSG.

In 2011, I wrote about Battling Bulges. As writers, we often need to trim the fat from our stories, before we become overstuffed on adjectives, and run-on sentences.

The following year was all about the Brutality of Bra Shopping. Many readers are in search of an uplifting experience, and it's our job to provide it for them. Though sometimes it's difficult to find the perfect fit, especially when our audience outgrows our material. Somehow that didn't happen in our YA days.

Last spring, my topic for "B" was on Beauty Shop Bullies. This subject provides three options for the IWSG.  Bloggers have their choice of beauty shops, bullies, or both. Though I can't imagine anyone else has encountered an eighty something year old bully at their mother's beauty shop. There are bullies who do try to discourage us from writing, and there are plenty of writers who are insecure about their hair. Although we can all agree that Alex, and Arlee are a cut above the rest.

I look forward to cheering on the wonderful A to Z blogging community. I'll never forget my very first challenge in 2011. It was shortly after I started blogging, and I had no idea what to expect. When I told my mom that I was going to be extremely busy that April, she replied without missing a beat, "I'll try not to die this month." Thankfully, she kept her promise.