Stamping Out Junk Mail

                                                                                      Julie Kemp Pick

The other day I was going through the typical assortment of bills, and catalogues when a certain letter caught my eye. It was bright yellow with the headline, NEED DAILY CASH - HERE IT IS “GUARANTEED”!!! Well I was saving up for a new robe, so I read further. The next sentence explained that I could earn over 2 million dollars within 6 to 18 months if I followed 3 easy steps starting with a $25 membership fee. I turned the flyer around to see if there was a giant GOTCHA written on it, but found the heading, "This new program is SCAM FREE!!!" instead. 

I was taught to be weary of the single exclamation point. However, triple exclamation points always cancel out the single one, factoring in a double negative which becomes a positive, so it must be true. The first step to becoming a millionaire is to send $5 to five members on the list. They include men and women from Pennsylvania to Tennessee. I'm still waiting to find out if they accepted my friendship requests on Facebook. They're probably busy running back and forth from the bank everyday.

After I send the first five checks in, I'm supposed to invite 5 new members, who each invite 5 new members and so on. In the meantime, I’ll be receiving “tons of $5 CASH from each new member” under me.

There are two more levels before I'm on the road to luxury. I just have to increase my cash payments to $50 for 5 members at level 2, and by the time I reach level 3 my payments will jump to $500 each. Because I’ll also be receiving money, I’ll only have to invest the original $25 plus a $15 monitoring fee. This amazing program will enable me to turn $40 into $2,167,275 within 6-18 months.

I wanted to call the head of marketing to thank him in advance for this “revolutionary new plan,” but I couldn’t reach him. Come to think of it, he never even mentioned his name. Suddenly, I have an overwhelming urge to watch reruns of the $100,000 Pyramid on the Game Show Network.