Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Keeping Up With The Geriadashians

Walkers are props for most Abbey Delray tappers
(The Abbey Delray Tappers from The Palm Beach Post)


Now that the networks are showing previews of  the upcoming fall lineup, I thought it would be fun to create a new reality show for seniors. It's centered around three women who struggle to maintain their independence in an assisted living community. The series begins when the newest member is dropped off kicking and screaming, as her children drive off. 

After the new kid on the block calms down, she is escorted to dinner by the eyes and the ears of the joint directly to The Warden's table. Peeps is The Warden's right hand woman who scouts out the new girls who have the potential to be in their powerful inner circle. The Warden has been in charge for a few years now, and is sharp as a tack at ninety-two. Her eighty-nine year old sidekick Peeps aims to please, drives within a five mile radius in the daylight, and has excellent hearing and vision skills. The newcomer quickly realizes that ninety is the new sixty at this residence.

The Warden nicknames her "The Kid," because she is the youngest at seventy-seven, and she shines as bright as her red hair.  She's savvy enough to nibble at her dessert, leaving an extra bite or two. This puts her in The Warden's good graces, so that she'll be invited to another dinner at the "cool table."

Like other reality shows, they'll be plenty of backstabbing, and catchy lingo. Instead of "GTL" standing for "Gym, Tan, and Laundry" on Jersey Shore, our stars will create a whole new meaning. In conversations with their children "GTL" will stand for Guilt, Taunt and Lie To.

Another craze that I'm hoping to inspire is a new drinking game. Each time one of the character's proclaims to her family, "I don't want to be a burden," will be an opportunity to drink a shot. Hence, the kids and the ratings will soar together.

In keeping with the competition, part of the initiation into the seniorority will be special lightning rounds. For example, when a resident's daughter calls to ask if she needs anything the first response is, "Oh, no thank you. I don't want to be any trouble." After the daughter insists, the clock starts, and the resident has exactly one minute to rattle off as many items from various out of the way locations as possible. The winner will receive unlimited bathing assistance, and walker tune-ups for a month.

Viewers will also venture to exotic locations when a new character, The Faller is sent to different nursing homes for rehab. She charms the handsome paramedics into believing that she is steady on her feet, until they are summoned to pick her up again the next day. When she falls again in the nursing home, they outfit her with an alarm for her protection. This alerts the nurses every time she tries to stand up, or grab something that is not within reach. After her protests to be freed from "living like a caged animal" are not met, she finds a way to disconnect the alarm herself. Word travels to The Warden, and she is immediately promoted to an executive board position in the seniorority.
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© 2012 Julie Kemp Pick

31 comments:

  1. Hilarious! You might have a winner there.

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  2. You are soooooooooooooooo right! This would be a great reality show, especially as we are living longer. Your characters sound familiar to me. Strange. Who should play the redhead?

    LOL
    LRK

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  3. Thanks Alex! No wonder you've been nominated for Supportive Blogger Extraordinaire!

    LRK - Shirley MacLaine would be perfect, and she could tap dance with or without a walker! I know another gal who could play a dual role in the reality version! Thanks LRK! Julie

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  4. I'd watch that show and I don't watch tv.

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  5. Julie, you are DEFINITELY onto something here... jokes aside...
    It has all the elements for a hit reality show!
    You need to write this script...

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  6. That looks fantastic! Although, from the way our camping trip went this weekend, it won't be too long before "I don't want to be a burden." As we all sat around the fire, my two brothers and I slumped in our chairs to steal a snooze. Meanwhile, the "youngsters" (they're in their early 20s) prattled on about world events, tattoos, and parties (mostly parties). I'd rather talk about Bugs Bunny. Or when the next nap is.

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  7. Thanks so much deathwriter!

    Michelle - I would love to pursue this, and I can even supply some of the cast! I'd appreciate any other ideas you have about this in five sentences or less! Thanks for making my day Michelle!

    Al - Talking about "when the next nap is" something that we should definitely save for sweeps week. We want to ease them into it. Thanks Al! Julie

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  8. I'm taking notes and scribbling as fast as I can......I need to be prepared for the inevitable.

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  9. I might know of a cast for that show. When do the auditions start?

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  10. This is too funny! How creative, Julie! I don't watch TV, but this...perhaps I'd make the time :-) lol...

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  11. I would definitely watch this show. I know some old ladies.

    Hugs,
    Shelly

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  12. Love it!!! This sounds so good.

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  13. It's entertaining and realistic. If only TV were half as good as this, I might watch. (I haven't watched TV in years, so that's a compliment). I especially like all the guilt-infused messages about being a burden. Oy vey, can I relate!

    xoRobyn

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  14. Delores - You would be an asset to the writing team, but you're too nice to be part of the cast!

    Arleen - We should compare notes sometime! I'll let you know!

    Teresa - I'm surprised that you and many others don't watch TV. Thanks for thinking about making this an exception!

    Shelly - Sounds like you know some interesting characters too! Thanks Shelly!

    Thanks Ciara!

    Robyn - I always thought TV and chocolate went really well together! I'm sure we both could write a thing or two about our relatives instilling endless supplies of guilt at an early age! Thanks Robyn!

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  15. I would definitely watch this show. You should be a network exec, Julie. :D

    I totally love the picture!

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  16. i would watch it too--i love reality shows and these ladies have a lot to share!!

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  17. I put my MIL into assisted living at 94. Could you change The Kid's age to maybe 80??? Not that it really matters, but I want to believe 77 is too young for AL. I know, the show's not about me. haha. Oh, did I mention I'd watch!

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  18. i love that picture! I would definitely watch this show, if it were on TV. I"m curious to know what kind of trouble these ladies would get themselves into:)
    Nutschell
    www.thewritingnut.com

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  19. How funny! I think this could be a hit! They could get into and out of a lot of trouble on a weekly basis.

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  20. Julie - I'm glad that I could count on you to tune in! I flipped over the photo too! Thanks Julie!

    Lynn - They do have "a lot to share," especially if they're a feisty group! Thanks Lynn!

    Joylene - I hope your MIL is going strong at 94, and she's enjoying herself! Now that people are living much longer, the average age for many residences is around 85. Though there are some who need more assistance at an earlier age. Thanks Joylene!

    Nutschell - This photo reminds me of a scene from The Producers. Trouble would definitely ensue, which is great for ratings! Thanks Nutschell!

    Carol - When there's a group of strong-willed older women, anything is possible! Thanks Carol! Julie

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  21. This is a hoot! You should submit this somewhere. I think there's a market for it. :-)

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  22. I'd definitely watch that! :) I reckon you should be the producer.

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  23. Mare - Thanks for the encouragement!

    Talli - I was thinking I'd apply for a stunt double position! Thanks Talli! Julie

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  24. I'm sure there would be an audience for this. Our ranks are growing. Might as well laugh at ourselves.


    Lee
    Wrote By Rote

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    1. I agree that laughter really is the best medicine. Thanks Lee!

      Julie

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  25. This sounds like a winning idea for either a reality show or a sitcom. (Seriously!) I sure hope there's a spot for Betty White in it... Tell ya what, your show sounds a lot better than a lot of the stuff that's already on TV. Go for it! (We'll all watch!)

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    1. Susan: I would love for Betty White to even make a guest appearance. Since she's already starring in two other sitcoms, she might not be able to take on a third. Though she probably would have the energy to do it! Thanks Susan!

      Susan K: Thanks for your support! Julie

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  26. If only there were a show like that--I would watch it!

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  27. This is too good. My m-in-law lives in a place like this. I have been to many shows like this one.

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    1. Glad to meet another "insider!" Thanks Susan!

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