Husband: What did he say?
Wife: Pause the TV and I'll tell you.
(After the explanation, he plays it back.)
Wife: Do you think I'm a liar? Why would I waste more time inventing new dialogue? If you were going to rewind it anyway, then why did you ask me in the first place? If we keep going through this over and over again a sitcom will turn into a drama, and a drama will turn into a mini-series.....
Husband: What?
Has this happened in your home? Is your husband or aged boy toy in denial about hearing loss? Can you listen to all of your next-door neighbors' TV shows with the windows closed? And what about the issue of selective hearing? Does this affect old and young alike?
In our household, there is definitely a selective hearing epidemic that has taken over all of the male members. My husband yo-yo's back and forth between not hearing anything, dozing off in the middle of a sentence, to hearing whispers, and complete conversations with friends in noisy restaurants. Of course, he has the uncanny ability to hear all bodily sounds, but fortunately his sense of smell is floundering.
My sons' have inherited my husband's ability to tune me out especially when I ask them to pick up their clothes or straighten out their rooms. All three of them can watch a game on TV, text, and IM at the same time. Though my husband mistakes IM's for instant meals.
I often worry that my husband may one day drag me down to the guttural gallows, as the volume continues to go up. The other day my brother asked me," What are the two things our mom does better than anyone else at the retirement community? "
Considering that my mom is among the youngest of the residents, I thought long and hard about my answer. Two seconds later I replied, " Seeing and hearing!" Well my eyesight isn't as sharp as it used to be, but I'll fight to preserve my exceptional inherent hearing skills. Even if it means hiding the remote.
Note: I originally wrote this for the 2012 A to Z Challenge. Unfortunately, the situation hasn't improved.
That scenario sounds familiar. I suspect that men revert to the childhood habit of selective hearing when they retire and realise that they're going to have to listen to our voices every day for the duration!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Rosalind
ReplyDeleteMy husband acts like he can't hear me and it has somehow become my fault (juvenile), and not his...Sound familiar ladies?
Usually his attention is glued to the tv, or his face is stuck in the computer or a book!
Rosalind - I think you're on to something! It would be nice if we could give them a taste of their own medicine once in a while!
ReplyDeleteJen - Oh that sounds familiar! They can yell to us all the way upstairs, but if we don't deliver every message face to face in a quiet setting, we're to blame. Sometimes it's just easier to text them from across the room!
Julie
How about having a mute day where you refuse to say anything and just hand them messages from a note pad?
ReplyDeleteI laughed out loud at "instant meals."
ReplyDeleteOMG, you've got one too!!!
ReplyDeleteI also cracked up at instant meals LOL. I think I remember this one from 2012. Sorry the situation hasn't gotten any better.
ReplyDeleteI tend to think that all men behave this way. My grandpa excelled at it. He couldn't hear you if you talked to him, asked anything of him, etc. BUT if you whispered to someone else (so an not to disturb his TV watching) he heard every word. Hunh. My father employed selective hearing on my mom regularly. And my brother excels at not answering what he doesn't want to.... I think maybe it is a skill. A frustrating and annoying one.. but still
ReplyDeleteIt's frusterating isn't it? My hubs wears two hearing aids and he still misses stuff. The thing is, he pretends to have heard. Not always a good thing.
ReplyDeleteGorilla - Wait a minute...it sounds like you're on my hubby's side! Just who are we trying to punish here?!
ReplyDeleteThanks Liza!
Sandra - Maybe we should start a club!
Julie - You have a great memory! At least it hasn't gotten a lot worse!
Robin - It would be a lot better if they spent more time acquiring a useful skill, but they don't seem to mind!
Delores - At least he's willing to wear the hearing aids. The "pretending" part can be very problematic though. I know that we laughed about this a few years ago, but sadly your situation has gotten much more difficult.
Julie
What? Can you repeat that?
ReplyDeleteMy hearing is still good and I actually listen to the television at a lower volume than my wife. Selective hearing - that's just come from years of practice!
Ear plugs for you. Earphones for him. There are two choices. As to the selective part, that just comes with a long-term marriage.
ReplyDeletewhile I have exceptional hearing (I blame migraines), my husband does not. He turns the TV up loud. We balance each other.
ReplyDeleteI think husbands get more and more selectively deaf the longer they're married. Pretty soon I'll only be able to communicate with mine via text message.
ReplyDeleteLOL - Julie, even our dog has selective hearing. My grandmother was quite deaf so every time we watched a movie on TV my mum always gave a running commentary on it. It seemed really bizarre, especially if we had any visitors.
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me of the joke about the three hard-of-hearing old ladies:
1st old lady: Isn't it windy today.
2nd old lady: I thought it was Thursday.
3rd old lady: So am I. Let's have a cup of tea.
Alex - It's no surprise that you have good hearing. Ninjas thrive on their strong senses! You're right that selective hearing comes from years of practice!
ReplyDeleteLee - I did buy him ear phones, but he said that it only enhanced unnecessary background noises like heavy breathing and chewing. Of course I'm never in the room when that happens!
Susan - It worries me that my sons also have the TV and the stereo turned up too loud. I've read that some hearing loss can occur at an early age.
Luanne - Text messaging has probably saved a lot of marriages!
Fanny - Sounds like your mum was extremely patient! Thanks for sharing this funny and fitting joke!
Julie
A wonderful post and forgive me for having a laugh.
ReplyDeleteYvonne.
Aah yes the selective hearing - I know what you mean! Thanks for visiting my blog and the follow. Fingers crossed my internet is back on!
ReplyDeleteJulie, I "hear" you on this one. heh. Yes, some days it seems my husband can hear just fine and others not so much. It's a challenge!
ReplyDeleteHi Julie .. my neighbour downstairs has the tv up loudly sometimes .. but I go with the flow .. and I hardly ever have the radio or music on .. and when the tv is on -it's turned down as far as possible -but not having a hubby- I can't comment on the selective thought!
ReplyDeleteWhen my Mum lost her hearing for a few weeks .. that was funny and she couldn't read ... so we struggled and I laughed - thankfully it came back ..
Love the stories everyone's telling here . cheers Hilary
Yvonne - You never have to be forgiven for laughing here. Thanks Yvonne!
ReplyDeleteSuzanne - I hope that everything is running smoothly. Thank YOU Suzanne!
Daisy - It is a challenge! I hope that this is one of his "on" weeks!
Hilary - Thank goodness your mum had you during that difficult time! It's great that you made it more bearable by finding the humor in it. The noisy people in your building are also lucky to have you for a neighbor!
Julie
I'm afraid that's me in our household. I never can understand my mumblers (I blame them!)
ReplyDeleteMy husband does have hearing damage, but somehow it causes him to hear the exact opposite of what I have to day. It was funny for the first 3 months of our marriage.
ReplyDeleteHA! It's an epidemic. Familiar words? "How was I supposed to know? You didn't tell me..."
ReplyDeleteAlthough, I'm the one with the hearing loss in our house. What's interesting, and the doctor verified it, is when the ears don't capture a specific word, the brain is compelled to "fill in the blanks." Not always a good plan...
Ha ha - so very true. Mr. D started with the old fashioned hearing aides when he was about 50, but he hardly ever wore them. He always had one excuse after another. I went with him to an audiologist appointment and learned they had new digital hearing aides available now. It took some work, but i convinced him that was the route to go. He's been wearing them all day now for a good 5 years. I think the old fashioned hearing aides pick up too much background noise. Using the digital ones, they are able to drown out some of that terrible background noise once they are programmed by the audiologist. They are not cheap, but they have been worth every penny.
ReplyDeleteOh my, I could have written this. :-). Cherry Kay
ReplyDeleteJulie - Oh, mumbling is the worst. Combine it with a low talker, and it's a losing battle! Don't worry your kids will outgrow it...eventually!
ReplyDeleteTonja - I'm sorry that your husband has hearing damage. Hearing the opposite of what you say sounds like it could be a close relative of selective hearing. This is starting to sound very familiar!
Susan - Filling in the blanks could lead to lots of trouble for most people. Fortunately, you're much smarter than most people, Susan!
Mary - I'm glad that you matched your husband up with the right hearing aides, and he's comfortable with them. This is one of many reasons why he's lucky to have you!
Thanks Mary!
Cheery Kay - I think that Susan was right when she said it was an "epidemic!" I wish that I could say that I'm glad that you can relate to this!
Julie
Most men have loss of hearing when it comes to their women ;)
ReplyDeleteYou are absolutely right, Rachna! At least we know not to take it personally!
DeleteJulie
Our three daughters all had selective hearing. They never heard "Clean your room," or "Be home by ten," but they always heard, "Here's your allowance." My husband doesn't really have selective hearing, because he knows better, as I would then have "selective cooking skills." :-)
ReplyDeleteDeb@ http://debioneille.blogspot.com
Julie: I'm sure this is a great post. Yours are usually super. However, I think I am having a problem with blogger. Every time I log on to your post, I am unable to hear it.
ReplyDeleteDebi - I love "selective cooking skills!" Your daughters have outsmarted us all!
ReplyDeleteJJ - Before you became a successful writer, and acclaimed college professor, were you also a Borscht Belt comedian? Your comments have been even more entertaining than usual!
Julie
Oh, that's definitely in my household! I have to keep explaining what just radio or TV dialogue was!
ReplyDeleteNas - Sorry that you know this all too well!
DeleteJulie
I'm totally laughing right now! My hubs is a bit hard of hearing as well, but he sure can hear bodily functions too!
ReplyDeleteGreat post - definitely worth re-posting!
This happens in my home during football season. We don't rewind and play it back but during football season any conversation during a game has to occur in the kitchen at half time or after the game. Should I ask a question during a game it will get lost!
ReplyDeleteSelective hearing is a well knownp henomenon among men and boys. Both me and my sons do that too >:)
ReplyDeleteCold As Heaven
No, no hearing loss over here (yet) but my personal favorite is that my wife will always start talking during the show, and then invariably ask, "Wait, what did that guy say?"
ReplyDeleteUh, well, maybe you would know if you weren't talking!
I hate to say it but I think I'm the one with slowly going hearing. I'm usually the one who has to pause and rewind the TV. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting my blog the other day!
Madeline @ The Shellshank Redemption
Minion, Capt. Alex's Ninja Minion Army
The 2014 Blogging from A-Z Challenge
Terri - At least he has his priorities in order! Thanks Terri!
ReplyDeleteGossip Girl - I also get in trouble for talking during football games, but I'm the same way during my favorite shows. I hope this delightful habit hasn't been passed on to our kids!
CA Heaven - Sounds like your family would get along great with mine!
A Beer For The Shower - Your wife seems perfectly reasonable to me! My husband prefers to have most of our important conversations in a crowded elevator.
Madeline - Sometimes the sound gets muffled, or there's too much background noise. I also find myself rewinding the TV a lot more often. Hopefully, these are just isolated incidents. Thank you Madeline!
That's a hilarious H post, Julie. I can relate, even without a hearing "impaired" husband. I suppose I play hearing impaired myself. Even though my family used to say I have "bat like ears" and hear everything, I don't...unless it's about chocolate or something I want to hear.
ReplyDeletePS Thanks so much for your kind comment on my article. I appreciate your taking the time.
Chag Sameach!
xoRobyn
Hi Julie,
ReplyDeleteOh my and way too funny. As for selective hearing loss. Sorry, what did you say, Julie?
Gary :)
Robyn - Your article was funny and touching. I hope that you win the contest! Thanks Robyn, and Chag Sameach to you!
ReplyDeleteGary - I was talking to Penny!
Julie
*facepalm* My hubby doesn't suffer from hearing loss...I don't think, but it's interesting the things he thinks I say sometimes. I think half of hearing is what we anticipate coming out of the other person's mouth.
ReplyDeleteAll husbands have a case of selective hearing ;)
ReplyDeleteDamyanti, Co-host A to Z Challenge April 2014, My Latest post
Twitter: @AprilA2Z
#atozchallenge
Crystal - I agree that sometimes after we've been with a person a long time, we do tend to anticipate what they're going to say, and don't bother listening to their responses. This is a very dangerous game!
ReplyDeleteDamyanti - It definitely is going around!
Julie
Too funny!
ReplyDeleteMy son is 11, he suffers from Chronic Selective Hearing Syndrome. I do believe it is a genetic mutation in the male Y chromosome. Something we will never be able to fix. :) My husband, well, he's male...add to that the constant exposure to loud noises from the military, tinnitus, and yeah...that male thing again.... :)
Jamie Dement (LadyJai)
My A to Z
Caring for My Veteran
My husband's main hearing "problem" seems to be with the TV volume. He drives me absolutely batty when he has it turned up SO LOUD. And if our deck door that is next to the TV is open....Well, the entire neighborhood is subject to his choice of TV shows!
ReplyDeleteBanned complain !! Complaining only causes life and mind become more severe. Enjoy the rhythm of the problems faced. No matter ga life, not a problem not learn, so enjoy it :)
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