Welcome to the May edition of Alex J. Cavanaugh's Insecure Writer's Support Group. As Mother's Day approaches, I thought I'd re-post a vintage game show parody that many of us can relate to. Be sure to visit Alex and his talented team of writers. Happy Mother's Day!
Meddling Mothers and Disappointing Daughters
Host: It's time to play Meddling Mothers and Disappointing Daughters, the only game show where mothers and daughters try to get along to win prizes that the mothers will never be able to operate in the first place. Let's meet the contestants...(He notices that one mother is still trying to climb up into her chair) Do you need some help Dorothy?
Dorothy: No, I'm fine thank you.
Dorothy's daughter: Just grab my hand, and let me give you a boost.
Dorothy: I said I don't need any help. STOP RUSHING ME!
Host: Okay, let's move on to Gladys and her daughter Gretchen. How many times do you call your mother a day?
Host: And you Felicia?
Felicia: I call my mother once a week.
(A loud siren sounds)
Host: Where's Dorothy?
(The paramedics lift Dorothy into her seat)
Dorothy's daughter: I call my mother six times a day. She hangs up on me, and says, "It's never enough."
(The bell sounds ding ding ding)
Host: You are correct. The answer is, "Never enough." You just won a case of prune juice. You must be very proud of your daughter Dorothy!
Host: All right then. Now we'll ask the mothers a question. Gladys when is the last time you said something nice to your daughter?
Gladys: Don't we get a lunch break?
Host: It's only been five minutes. We'll have snacks after the show.
Gladys: But this is when I eat lunch.
Gretchen: Here Mom, I brought you a sandwich. (takes one out of her purse)
Gladys: It's on rye bread. I like a nice roll. I can't eat this. What's wrong with you?
Fanny: I'll take it. I'm starving. (Looks at her own daughter Felicia) Why don't you ever make me lunch?
Host: Fanny, when is the last time you said something nice to your daughter?
Fanny: That's easy. As we were driving over, I told my daughter that her dress was very pretty...
Host: Well, that is nice.
Fanny: And I'm sure that if she lost ten pounds it would actually fit her.
Host: Maybe we should just throw out that question. Dorothy, when was the last time your daughter took you to the doctor?
Dorothy: You know falling down really makes a person thirsty. How come no one offered me a drink or a sandwich?
Host: If you answer the question, I'll get you both.
Dorothy: Okay, yes please.
Host: Yes please what?
Dorothy: I would like both a drink and a sandwich. Soup would be nice too, but I don't want to be a bother.
(Gladys is dashing across the stage with her walker. Her daughter is jogging behind her)
Host: Where are you going?
Gladys: I just remembered I think I forgot to turn off the stove.
Host: Can you have someone else check on it?
Gretchen: It's my stove, and I just got a text that the fire department is heading over to my house.
Gladys: Are we stopping for lunch first, 'cause I still haven't eaten?
Host: Good luck ladies. Be sure to tell us your new address, so we can send you a lifetime supply of incontinence products.
Dorothy: Continents? I can name the continents! There's Asia, Africa.....