Wednesday, September 7, 2016

IWSG: Should Women Shy Away From Self-Deprecating Humor?


                                                                   
   

It's time for another edition of  the Insecure Writer's Support Group. Be sure to visit Alex J. Cavanaugh and the other talented writers.

The other day I ran into an old classmate that I hadn't seen in years. We went all through school together, and though his hair had turned salt and pepper, I immediately recognized him. He reminded me that we were Facebook friends, and offered up suggestions for my blog.

Though he thought it had "potential," he felt I needed to "ease up" on my self-deprecating humor. 

 "Men like confident women," he said. "We don't want to hear about your flaws. It doesn't reflect well on you or your family. Take pride in your accomplishments, and stop going for the cheap laughs." 

Then he smiled when he asked, "I'm glad your mom still has a great sense of humor. Does she still wear those tight leather pants?" 

For once I was tongue-tied. Though part of me was flattered he actually read my blog,  I was shocked he had found it offensive, and creeped out that he still had a thing for my mom. It was high time I put him in his place.

"Many female comedy legends are known for their self-deprecating humor. Look at Joan Rivers, Carol Burnett, Tina Fey, and Amy Poehler. Even Lucille Ball was at her best when she was stomping on grapes, or shoving chocolates down her uniform at the chocolate factory. Comedy isn't always sexy, yet many of these women are very attractive. I know I'll never be in their league, but you know what I mean."

He stared at me for a minute before asking, "Remember you mom's leopard couch? They sure don't make couches like that anymore. Didn't she have a matching robe too?"

I almost dropped my vanilla chai latte. "I don't remember inviting you over. When were you ever in our house?"

"Your brother asked Donny and me to come over after baseball practice one day."

Donny? Then it all came back to me. He and Donny were in a group of boys who traumatized me in grammar school. When he wasn't calling me names, he was busy shoving me on the playground. He was the ringleader in a group of kids who picked on everything from my buck teeth to my clown shoes. 

Funny how someone who spent years deflating my ego found my self-deprecating humor unbecoming. 


*Note: This is a repost from November 4, 2014.
                                                           

27 comments:

  1. I like your humor. You're real.
    Now, write a post that makes fun of that guy instead!

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  2. Don't worry about one person's comments about your blog. I like it just the way it is.

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  3. LOL. And so it goes. Actually, I was kind of saddened when I went looking for memes a couple weeks ago about how awesome women are, and most the memes I found were about how we suck, but maybe not as bad as we could. YET if you search the same parameters about men, you bring up thousands upon thousands of awesome ones. Something wrong with that.

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  4. Most successful comedians, including males, go the self-deprecating route. This allows others to relate and laugh at themselves. I think we all need to do that or we would explode in a ball of fear and anxiety. You know that I love your humor and in it I see your kindness, your caring and the beautiful person that you are.

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  5. He was STILL trying to deflate your ego.

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  6. I remember this post. You must be busy. Keep smiling :)

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  7. He sounds like a jerk.... Was then and still is...

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  8. You've got a whole new story to write and this guy must be featured. I'm laughing, but not deprecating, appreciating what you've shared here today.

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  9. I am thoroughly stunned whenever I hear about someone so blatantly obnoxious and rude. Good on you for standing up for yourself.

    IWSG September

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  10. I remember this post, and ya know what? I liked it then, and I still do. That guy was a bully as a kid, and he's still trying to belittle you. Phooey on him! I LOVE your sense of humor.

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  11. Yeah. That is funny. What a bully.

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    Replies
    1. Shelly - The funny thing is that he actually thought he was being helpful. Thanks Shelly!

      Julie

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  12. Alex - You have a wonderful sense of humor too! Thanks for always being so supportive, and I appreciate you not taking extra points off when I post so many repeats! You are the real deal!

    Natalie - Thanks so much, Natalie! I like your blog too, and I hope your daughter is enjoying school!

    Crystal - I agree that it doesn't make any sense! Oh well, we'll have to start thinking of new memes to search. Thanks Crystal!

    Arleen - Now I'm all verklempt! You always say the nicest things. Maybe some of your kindness has rubbed off on me, Arlene! Thanks for making my day!

    Debra - I posted the story a few years ago, and since I've been writing for the local news website he takes me more seriously. Of course, I usually write about more serious subjects. Thanks Debra!

    Carol - So busy writing, but I really miss my blogging buddies. It's great to see you, Carol! Thank you!

    Julie

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  13. Hi Michael, Sadly, most people don't change, but he has his moments! Thanks Michael!

    Lee - I'm sure he'll resurface again! Thanks for not deprecating, Lee!

    C.D. - Thank you, and so nice to meet you! Bullies come in all ages and some even reach triple digits!

    Hi Susan - I love your sense of humor too, my friend! Thanks for being a trooper by reading this again. As usual I waited until the last minute and didn't come home from a board meeting until after 11 p.m. so I pulled this from the archives.

    Julie






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  14. Hi Julie - how extraordinary men are ... don't they realise about things like bullying, intimidation etc ... self-esteem - gosh ditch him - ie so you don't ever need to greet him again - but if there's a dirty ditch nearby with some stinging nettles, grab his phone ... trip him into it ... and wander off wandering why he's screaming with stings and filth!

    I love your posts ... so much fun - cheers Hilary

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  15. Sounds like he's more...sophisticated, if you will...in his bullying tactics.

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  16. Self-deprecating humor is some of my favorite, and you're a master at it. I don't think this moron understands that to be a master of self-deprecation you have to be confident, to be able to publicly pick yourself apart for the amusement of others. I mean, does Carol Burnett strike you as some shy, mousy little girl?

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  17. Wow, what a creep and a bully to boot! Pay no attention to him. Your writing and your sense of humor are both fine. His opinion isn't worth thinking twice about.

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  18. Hi Hilary - I like the way you think! I will definitely be on the lookout for dirty ditches just in case! I love your posts too! Thanks Hilary!

    Empty Nester - Yes, and he's not the only "sophisticated bully" that comes to mind! Thanks Empty Nester!

    Beer Boys - Not when she's giving her Tarzan yell! I've never understood why Carol Burnett hasn't made a huge comeback like Betty White. She really is one of my favorites and I'm impressed that you young whipper snappers appreciate the classics! Thanks B & B!

    Connie - Thanks for the encouraging words, Connie! It's true that life is too short to waste time giving this another thought.

    Julie

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  19. Pay him no heed - he's not worth the time of day ...And he obviously hasn't changed his ways.

    gramswisewords.blogspot.com

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  20. Marian - Thank you for your warmth and wisdom!

    Julie

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  21. He sounds like a first class J-E-R-K!
    You should turn the tables...write a post about him!
    Hope you're well, Julie! *waving*

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  22. So school age bullies never really grow up huh? Wow. What an a**. Sounds like you held your ground though.

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  23. Hi Michelle - Nah, I'd rather move on to a more pleasant subject. It's good to see you! I'm doing well and I hope you are too. Thanks Michelle!

    Jennifer - I think you're onto something! I've noticed that many bullies don't grow up and the same could be said about "mean girls." I always say that my mom and her friends are senior mean girls! Thanks Jennifer!

    Julie

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  24. Being that I went to high school with you, Jr. High too, I am so curious who he is. I can't think of the class bullies right now, but I am glad you didn't let him shatter your fabulous sense of humour.

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    Replies
    1. Hi Rhonda! He was a few years older, so you probably didn't know him. I also had a few teachers that would definitely be considered bullies by today's standards, and maybe one day I'll write about them. I really like your sense of humor too, Rhonda! Thank you!

      Julie

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