Wednesday, January 8, 2020

IWSG: The New Year That Almost Wasn't

                                                     

It's time for the first 2020 edition of the  Insecure Writer's Support Group. Happy New Year to all! Be sure to visit Alex J. Cavanaugh  and the rest of the talented bloggers who are always willing to lend a helping hand.

                                                     
                   The New Year That Almost Wasn't

It started like a film noir: Man opens door and gingerly steps into the shower only to unwittingly slip on a sprinkling of sequestered water drops. This could lead to possible paralysis, sudden death, or an extremely embarrassing Facebook photo.

Fortunately, none of those things happened. Instead my husband morphed into Batman mode by holding on for dear life, as he slid down the shower door. 

Consequently, he plummeted on his posterior while straddling the door like a scissors, thus leaving him without a cape or utility belt to cover his secret identity. In retrospect, the photo would've come in handy.

I probably would've pretended not to notice, if our friends' New Year's Eve party wasn't just moments away. This minor inconvenience caused the shower door to come off the track, so Super Hubby had to temporarily lodge it back in to take his shower. 

Let this be a lesson not to put things off until the last minute. Nothing good comes from procrastination. Meanwhile, I was still putting on my makeup, and hoping the potatoes would come out of the oven in time for the party. But this was not about me. 

My husband was about to reach for his towel, when he realized  the shower door was stuck. So I climbed up on my tiptoes to pass it over the glass. 

The more Hubby tried to move the door, the more it came off the track. Suddenly, Naked But Not Afraid was boxed in. We needed to summon Houdini from beyond, but it looked more like a job for the fire department.

The good news was that this was a pleasant distraction from my husband's shoulder and knee pain. "No one has ever suffered more than I have," he moaned over the last several days as we tipped our hats in the hallway.

My husband thought he was destined to spend the night trapped in the shower which led to the five stages of grief: 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance.

The first stage began when he wrongfully accused me of not squeegeeing the shower floor properly, and I immediately went into denial mode. "I don't know how that water got there. I wiped down every last drop on the floor. This is fake news." 

Not only did my husband refuse to believe anything I said, but he ignored me when I went through the other four stages of grief. After all, he was a captive audience. Finally, when I got to the Acceptance stage, and told him that I forgave him for wearing the wrong shoes to my 25th birthday dinner, I noticed the time.

Then I sprang into action by quickly reminding Hubby about the delicious barbecue skirt steaks that our wonderful New Year's Eve host promised to grill despite the frigid weather. This was just the motivation he needed to plan his getaway. 

My husband summoned all his strength to gradually open the shower door inch by inch until there was barely enough room to make a narrow escape. Next, we finished getting dressed and loaded everything up in the car including a few bags of ice. 

Though we were only 15 minutes late, our host was not happy and texted, "Our guests are all here and dying of thirst cause there's no ice!!!"

Despite the whole shower ordeal, we had a great time ringing in the New Year with our dear friends who even sang and played the guitar after an exquisite dinner.

When we got home I immediately checked on the shower situation and found a few more drops of water on the slippery floor. This didn't make sense, as I took extra care in squeegeeing it before we left. While I was wiping the floor again, the shower head mysteriously began to drip.

I quickly grabbed my husband to prove my innocence once and for all, but he just stared in silence. Then I rambled on about  contacting the maintenance man to fix the shower door, and adding safety features like a non-slip shower floor mat and grab bars to prevent future accidents.

He nodded and muttered under his breath that he hoped I could sleep that night knowing how I almost killed my husband. Then he felt a twinge in his shoulder and a knot in his knee and started moaning again. I guess we know who 2020 is going to be all about.




32 comments:

  1. Oh my. Too funny! But then, most of all, I'm glad your husband is okay. And yes, non-skid mats for sure!

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  2. Did you remind him that you also did not laugh hysterically or shoot an video of the incident?

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  3. Your old grievances list only went back to your 25th birthday dinner? I applaud your restraint!

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  4. Hi Julie - I don't know how you coped ... I'd still be laughing ... poor man!! Well no ... but certainly he'll be griping I'm afraid to say for his posterior, his shoulder, his knee, the expense to stop the few drips ... the ignominy of asking you to help with something ... and I could go on - but probably won't - as I have things to do today.

    Good luck as the year progresses ... all things being equal - cheers and happy new year - and take care - Hilary

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  5. OMG. hahaha, I know not funny. But the imagery. Poor guy. Glad he's okay. Probably good that you didn't get pictures. LOL

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  6. Julie, nice you could have a New Years eve with friends and laugh about it.

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  7. Hahaha this is such a great story. I don't know how you managed to turn this unfortunate incident into something so funny but I laughed and laughed while reading. I look forward to more of your husband's moaning in the year to come LOL. Hugs to you, Julie!

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  8. Wonderful, wonderful, well maybe not that he got stuck in the shower, but that you got a great story out of it.

    From a favorite movie, Love means never having to say your sorry (or ever admit guilt, or squeegeeing every drop of water , etc., etc.)

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  9. Glad your husband wasn't hurt too bad and you made your party. Hoping you have a better rest of the year.

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  10. Liza - Yes, I can joke about it now, but it was pretty scary at the time. I was so worried that he wouldn't be able to get up. Thanks Liza!

    Alex - Other than landing in a very compromising position, I was so relieved that my husband didn't seriously injure himself. In all honestly, my hands were probably shaking too much to even take a video. But I'm sure our family would've appreciated it later on. Thanks for hosting another great IWSG, Alex!

    Debra - Yes, I'm not one to hold grudges and Restraint is my middle name! Thanks Debra!

    Hi Hilary - Oddly enough, his posterior is perfectly peachy! But his knee has really been needling him. I feel kinda guilty for teasing him about it, as it's clearly worse today. Hope you accomplished everything you needed to today. Thanks Hilary and wishing you all good things in the New Year!

    Joylene - I'm glad you found it funny! My husband and I both laughed about it afterward. He even liked when I said this would be good fodder for my blog. Thanks Joylene!

    Julie

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  11. Stephen - We were so lucky that I didn't have to call the fire department! A wonderful time was had by all at the party, and it's nice that my husband is such a good sport. Thanks for co-hosting the IWSG, Stephen!

    Julie - It's so nice that you always laugh at whatever silly things I write about. Lucky for me that you have a fabulous sense of humor! Thanks Julie and sending hugs right back to you!

    Arleen - It's funny how stories pop up where you least expect them. Ah, young Ryan O'Neal in Love Story! Yes, the sentiment even applies to inept squeegeeing, but nothing trumps (for lack of a better word) over Jewish guilt. Thanks Arlene!

    Natalie - It could have been so much worse, and we'll always have a funny memory to share. Hubby deserves a little TLC after everything he's done for me. Hopefully, I'll be almost as patient as he's been. Thanks Natalie!

    Julie

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  12. Oh my, you had me literally laughing out loud. Poor hubby, but great job telling this story. If all my irrational fears, being naked and stuck in the shower was not one of them before today. And, on a side note, in New Zealand, 15 minutes late to a party would be called "early."

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  13. OMG that's too funny! Glad your husband was able to escape the shower and you made it to the party!

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  14. Rhonda - Oh no, I'm sorry that I added to your "irrational fears." I thought I was the only one who kept a list. The likelihood of you being stuck in your own shower and dressed is pretty slim, but I think you'll be safe either way! I like the New Zealand party rule, as I'm rarely on time. This was fun! Thanks Rhonda!

    Sarah - Yes, we're very happy that it all worked out in the end. I don't think our friends would've ever forgiven us for not bringing the ice! Thanks Sarah!

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  15. Oh, I felt the pain! My slip in the shower was probably poor judgment and poor maintenance. But oh boy howdy. Bruises lasted for 6 weeks.
    While I sympathized your situation, it still made me giggle.

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  16. Susan - I’m so sorry you fell and had to endure bruises for such a long time. My husband and I are very grateful that his only consequence was embarrassment. I hope you now have a non-slip shower mat. It really gives us peace of mind. Stay happy & healthy in 2020, Susan!

    Julie

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  17. First of all, I'm glad that your hubby is okay. It could have turned out worse. Second, thanks for a great laugh; I laughed all the way through your post. I felt guilty until I saw that everyone else was laughing too. I didn't know that you were supposed to squeegee a shower floor. I thought I was doing well to squeegee the doors. I'm glad that you came out of the shower adventure and enjoyed New Year's Eve! All the best to you in 2020!

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  18. GEM JULIE ~

    "Holy Hilarity!" This whole post was terrifically funny!

    And where was Alfred, the butler, when your husband couldn't get the shower doors open? Probably doing something trivial like dusting the Batmobile's remote-controlled ejector button in the Batcave.

    I think y'all need to get one of those remote-controlled ejector buttons installed for the shower stall, too.

    >>... he plummeted on his posterior while straddling the door like a scissors, thus leaving him without a cape or utility belt to cover his secret identity

    GOL!! (Guffaw-Out-Loud!!)

    All's well that ends well. And I'm just glad he didn't damage his Boy Wonder!

    ~ Stephen
    DogGtor of Alcohology &
    King of Inebriation Nation

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  19. Fundy Blue - I'm so glad you found this story funny, and my husband laughed along with us. Yes, under normal circumstances it's not necessary to squeegee the shower floor, but the building put in plastic floors which don't drain completely. Thank you, and wishing you all the best in 2020 too.

    DogGtor Stephen - We really could use an Alfred and a remote control ejector button! I really should've asked you to co-write this piece with me, as your "Boy Wonder" line was priceless! Hubby and I still can't stop laughing! I also love your new title. Thanks for always making my day, my friend!

    Julie

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  20. Oh my, what an ordeal! Funny in hind sight. Glad your husband wasn't seriously hurt. Hopefully the rest of the new year will be better.

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    1. Connie - I’m very fortunate that my husband is good under pressure, and is able to soldier on through difficult situations. He also is a great sport and we enjoyed laughing about the whole incident. Thanks Connie!

      Julie

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  21. This was such a great read - thanks for making me laugh and Happy New Year to you. I then read the post below this and was moved by your kidney transplant story. I'm so glad to hear that everything worked out so well.

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    1. Kalpana - I often wonder if people actually read all the way through one of my stories and you were kind enough to read two! Thank you for taking the time, as well as your thoughtful comments. I look forward to getting to know you. Thank you, Kalpana!

      Julie

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  22. That was a great laugh, thank you! Of course, I'm glad he's okay, as well. Scary in the moment, I'm sure.

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    1. Shannon - Yes, we were both pretty scared at the time, but it’s good we were able to laugh afterward. And I finally had a legitimate excuse for being late! Thank you, Shannon!

      Julie

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  23. That must have been hair raising there for some time.

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    Replies
    1. Kelly - It really was a “hair raising” experience that we later joked about being blogworthy! Thanks Kelly!

      Julie

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  28. Oy! He sounds so much like my husband! HIS injuries are horribly incapacitating and someone else's fault.

    Mine could have been prevented if I'd been more heedful, and why am I making such a big deal about them?

    Fortunately, I'm in too much pain to carry out my first impulse and put strychnine in his morning tea.

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