Showing posts with label embarrassing situations. Show all posts
Showing posts with label embarrassing situations. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

How I Almost Flashed The Fire Department



                                                                           


I originally wrote this story almost five years ago when one son was still in college and the other was in law school. Though they've grown into confident young men, I'm still as insecure as I've always been which brings us to Alex J. Cavanaugh's Insecure Writer's Support Group. Be sure to visit this talented group of welcoming writers.

    How I Almost Flashed The Fire Department

As I eagerly awaited my boys arrival for summer break, I did a quick sweep of their bedrooms, and went to check on the condition of their bathroom. It desperately needed a mini makeover. A couple of fresh coats of paint, and a power wash for the tile, and the bathroom would be ready just in time for them to turn it into a frat house. 

The next day the painter arrived on time, and everything was going smoothly. The walls required sand blasting, because they needed to smooth down the stenciled cowboy designs I had painted in 1994. Hey, I didn't want their delicate noses to inhale dangerous paint fumes, and I also didn't want them to develop a taste for beer, before they were even double digits. Now was the perfect time for a change; while still keeping  their allergies at bay. All was calm, until the smoke alarm sounded off.  

After I turned the alarm off, I called the alarm company to tell them that the sand blasting must have tripped it. They told me that the firefighters were already on their way. Before I hung up, two fire trucks were in front of my house. I nervously apologized, and they were very gracious and understanding.

Two days later, our handyman was scheduled to clean, re-grout, and seal their  bathroom tile. He came a half hour early, before I had taken my shower.  While he was working in one bathroom, I was showering in the other.  As I was drying off, I heard faint beeping sounds. I quickly put on a faded pink towel robe that was fastened by an unreliable Velcro panel, and opened up my bedroom door. Now the noise was growing louder, and I ran into the hallway to turn off the alarm. Then I frantically flew down the stairs to get the phone number of the alarm company. I was so relieved to have reached them in time. Now I needed to head back upstairs to get dressed.  

After I put one sock on, the siren sounded off again. I quickly fled down the stairs, to look up the access code. Then I remembered that the handyman's assistant was working nearby in the first floor bathroom. He pretended not to see me, but I know he also caught  a glimpse of my towel robe, gently brushing up against my single tube sock. Meanwhile, the head handyman was trying to clean all of the dust out of the smoke detector, as I was coming up the stairs. Once it was put back together, my Groundhog Morning started up again. 

Before the fire department graced our doorstep again, I held on tightly to my repulsive robe, and pleaded with one of the handymen to  go outside and apologize for wasting their valuable time. Then I finally convinced the alarm service to temporarily disarm the system. They told me that this whole incident could have been prevented, if the painter had covered the smoke detector with a plastic bag. I'm sure this ordeal made both handymen welcome their wives with a passionate embrace.

That evening my oldest son came home from school, and actually noticed that his bathroom had been painted. He liked the bold color of the accent wall that will serve as a constant reminder. It's just a shade deeper; a spicier version of fire truck red.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Plucked Over

                                    
Before we left on vacation,  I scheduled an appointment to get beach ready from head to toe. I couldn't get into my regular nail salon, so I went to another place that I hadn't been to in a while. The first order of business was an eyebrow wax. I was shown to a dark lit room where I waited momentarily for the technician.

I was surprised when two women walked in. I didn't think that my eyebrows were that unruly. I was told that it would be faster if they both worked on me. I recognized one of the women, but she didn't seem to remember me, and they weren't big on small talk. Besides, I was quite concerned that this was some crazy competition. What if one decided to go Edward Scissorhands on one eyebrow, and they didn't match?  I had a long road ahead of me, as this was only the first stop before we reached the underpass on the way to the pedicure.

I was relieved when they handed me the mirror. I still had both of my eyebrows, and I didn't look like Two-Face from Batman. They turned around while I undressed for a bikini wax. I could have sworn I heard thunder and lightning as I nervously blurted out instructions, " Nothing fancy. Just a little spring cleaning."

While I was stretched out on the table in my bloomers, I had a lot to think about as they were warming up the wax. Did I seriously still need two people for this? Was one there in case the other had a heart attack, and had to take over?  Since everyone was in the room with me, who was minding the store? There was a plate of candy at the front desk, and there had better be some left after all this. 

When they were ready to begin the head technician moved in for a brief glance to survey the area. Finally, she spoke, "Now I remember you."