When Your Heart's Just Not Into Valentine's Day

                                                                                                       Julie Pick


I decided to do a little research on the history of St. Valentine's Day, when I came across a website that offered the secrets to successful relationships. Rori Raye "trained relationship coach," was about to unveil everything we ever needed to know about having an ideal marriage. I couldn't wait to find out what the author of The Modern Siren, the tell -all for how "You can be a magnet for a man," had to say.

Rori Raye explained how she's been married for 20 years, and how early on she came to the realization that in order to make her relationship work, she would have to change. She started out as a "Crumb-Taking Queen when it came to men." This meant that she tried to "control and manipulate everyone in a very sweet and smiling way." Instead she found a better approach: "Be the girl in the relationship...do not do anything. You just smile. You're warm...you're there."

Okay she's still doing a lot of smiling, but now there's less manipulating? Maybe she's talking about a more seductive knowing smile instead of a ditsy pull your sweater over your head "do they feel real?" kind of smile. Like most things in life I was both confused and intrigued so I read further: "It's your job to be the tour guide of YOU -not of the relationship." Something tells me that Oprah would call this an "aha moment." What I think Ms. Raye is trying to convey is that boys like to be in charge and girls need to make them think they are, but they're really not so there. My mom tried to give me the very same advice when I was 12, but when it comes from a 'trained relationship coach' it suddenly has more merit.

According to Rori Raye if you follow these steps,"What you'll discover is that you like your man even more and you can genuinely RECEIVE the love he's giving, and revel in just BEING instead of struggling in all the DOING." Isn't that what Valentine's Day is all about? RECEIVING flowers, candy. jewelry etc., BEING loved, cherished, adored or simply left alone, and DOING nothing but complaining because none of those other things ever happened in the first place? I think she's on to something.

Just when I was getting ready to walk away from my computer, I got reeled in again. I came to a section that said, "Learn the 4 magic words that will help you take back your power and regain control of your love life...." Then I clicked on to the next page, "read the rest of this article when you become a member." What could those 4 magic words be? I think we already learned about the first 3 in the last paragraph and the 4th word could be teasing. Isn't teasing a form of manipulative behavior which she said to avoid?  Unfortunately, I won't find out unless I purchase Rori Raye's CD and video collection for 5 easy payments of $39.95. I think I'd rather use the money to buy myself flowers on Valentine's Day.