Tuesday, December 4, 2012

ISWG: Digitally Challenged


                                            





While I was minding my own business, my husband turned to me and said, "Let me see your hands." At first I thought that I had food on them, but I was taking a break from eating. Then I surrendered my hands to him. He looked at them carefully before announcing, "That's funny, according to this online study it turns out that you're a lesbian."

Somehow he had found an Internet article about how your hands determine the type of person you are. While longer ring fingers may indicate athletic prowess, and an aptitude for math, they also show a predisposition to lesbianism. Supposedly scientists at UC Berkeley concluded that finger length and sexual orientation are pre-determined by androgen levels in the womb for women. Usually women's index fingers and ring fingers are the same length. Wait a minute, I'm not athletic or good at math, but could the anonymous researchers at Berkeley be dead wrong about all three? My husband laughed, as my paranoia began to kick in.

A few months ago, I wrote that my friend complimented me on my perfect toes, and now I don't know what to make of my unsightly fingers. What were once considered long and slender, were reduced to lying little stubs. Since it was too late to call anyone, I started frantically searching for hand models online. Surely their index fingers would be slightly shorter than their ring fingers, and this whole issue would be resolved.

Then I came across an interview with a gloved hand model. She spoke about how she wore gloves everywhere, never cooked, or did housework of any kind. Her husband didn't seem to mind, because she was averaging about ten thousand dollars a photo session. I didn't have the patience to see if she finally took off her gloves Gypsy Rose Lee style, so I searched for some still pictures instead. Unfortunately, her flawless hands revealed that her index finger and her ring finger were identical in size. Thus, my dreams of starring as a "Before" hand model on a soap commercial were all washed up. Oh, and I was still a lesbian.

Lately I can't even enter a room without glancing at everyones' hands. My preferences haven't changed though I do spend more time in the garage. Now that I have one more thing to be self-conscious about, at least I'm grateful that this is the season for gloves. In case you were wondering what any of this has to do with  Alex J. Cavanaugh,  I thought it would fit in well with the  Insecure Righties' Support Group

36 comments:

  1. The internet can do that to you. Though it's not the same thing, I try not to do research about physical ailments. What was once a simple backache quickly turns into the worst kind of cancer as you read down the page. It's easy to convince yourself that you're dying. Or, of course, that you may be a lesbian. :-)

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  2. Gah! Now I'm going to be looking at everyones hands now! ;)

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  3. LG - Either or it's always something! I agree that you can't take many things that you find on the Internet too seriously. You are funny LG!

    Lynda - It's a good thing you didn't read about my toes then!

    Julie

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    1. No, I don't look at toes. I know mine are freaky so I don't look around because it will only remind me of that fact ;)

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    2. I keep mine well hidden during the winter, and only take them out for warm weather viewing. I'm sure your toes are nicer than you think Lynda.

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  4. Hi Julie - your hubby made a bit of mistake there I think - this will be something that will haunt you for a long time - and I'm scarpering off here so I don't get caught for an inspection ... thankfully I can rest easy! Byeeee - Hilary

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  5. I try not to look up about illnesses on the internet as sometimes it can cause one more stress and worry.
    Hope it don't worry you too much.

    Yvonne.

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  6. Hilary - Fortunately, this so called study didn't suggest that I had the fingers of a mass murderer. Now that would really haunt me! Glad your fingers have passed this silly test.

    Yvonne - My hubby and I are still laughing about it. Thanks for your concern, but I'm not worried.

    Julie

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  7. Well, this has got to be the most interesting IWSG post I'll read today.

    Shame on your husband for doing this to you! I'm sure your hands are great.

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  8. Don't worry. People are bored. They'll study anything. I could be crude here but I won't.

    Hugs and chocolate,
    Shelly

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  9. You're so funny. Odd that you didn't know you were a lesbian before now. :))

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  10. Same thing here...ring finger longer than index finger...no physical abilities, lousy at math and married for 38 years with a daughter and two grandchildren......maybe it was a typo?

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  11. Hmm, my ring finger is longer than my index finger. I'm pretty decent at sports and was really good at math. In the end, I'm sure it's nothing. You would know about all three without looking at your hands. :)

    Those types of things can make a person freak out a bit, though.

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  12. I laughed out loud at the image of your husband checking out your hands and informing you you were a lesbian. OMG! That is so funny. And, now, looking at my hands, I apparently am a lesbian too. Thank you for this most informative post. I had no idea!!

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  14. I had to laugh at your short fingers. I always thought everyone had the same kind of fingers. I guess not.

    It made me wonder if I know which finger is which. I am terrible at math and am not very good at athletics. I have a great husband and five great kids. This is the first time I have ever thought my fingers might not be normal.

    Great post.

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  15. Miranda - I'm glad my husband read the article, so that I had something to write about today. Thanks Miranda!

    Shelly - Now I'll be wondering what you were going to be crude about! Oh well, it's probably for the best.

    Tonja - Not that there's anything wrong with that....It just seems like an awfully suspicious research project. Thanks Tonja!

    Delores - Glad I'm in good company! No typo, but they threw in Berkeley to make it seem more plausible.

    Cherie - It just sounded so absurd that I had to write about it. I'm impressed that you're good at math, and sports. Thanks for being my 300th follower Cherie!

    L.G. - This article just popped up while he was on the computer, and he couldn't wait to tell me about it. It gave us both a good laugh. Welcome to the club L.G.!

    Anon - Hope your daughter's ear is okay.

    Yvonne - I have long fingers, but my index finger is shorter than my ring finger which means absolutely nothing at all. But the survey was fun to think about. Don't worry your fingers are just fine Yvonne.

    Julie

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  16. First I had to clean off the screen where I spewed coffee. Then I had to look at my hands and measure. (Note: Your hands and fingers couldn't look any worse than mine.) My hands are not the same size. Nor are my fingers on one hand the same length as the fingers on the other. And one hand has a distinctly longer ring finger. How can this be? Only one side of me is a lesbian! Husband will be amazed.

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  17. LOL LOL. I immediately started looking at my hands and fingers and I'm like Carol, only one of my hands has a longer finger. I don't know what that makes me but I do know now that I have really ugly hands! I hadn't really paid attention before LOL.

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  18. LOL I never thought about my hands before but any one thing can set off paranoia. Love how you tied this in. :)

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  19. LOL - Julie, maybe it's a regional thing. Until I read this, it never occurred to me that my fingers were anything other than ordinary. Maybe there was something in the water that our mother's drank whilst pregnant with us. Surely there must be another possibility. Love your twist to Alex.

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  20. That was hysterical!
    I think you're safe though.

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  21. Carol - Sorry you had to go through all that. This adds a whole new meaning to "better half!"

    Melissa - Did someone tell you I was paranoid? Thanks Melissa!

    Rhonda - In those days, doctors never even told our mothers not to drink or smoke when they were pregnant, so anything is possible. In the scheme of things, this study is just plain silly. Thanks Rhonda!

    Alex - Thanks for hosting this amazing group, and for your vote of confidence!

    Arleen - His index finger is permanently bent from an old sports injury, and he's very good at math!

    Thanks Jeff!

    Julie

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  22. OMG! My ring finger is quite long. I can't add, subtract, multiply or divide. I play tennis okay. Should I come out now or wait until the next study that says the long ring finger means I'm predisposed to being uber "straight," somewhat agile and like books?

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    1. Lee, I like your idea of waiting for the next study which is probably right around the corner! I envy your agility, and maybe I'll write about my tennis incident one day.

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  23. Julie, you cracked me up!
    Thanks for the late-night laugh! *scrutinizing fingers*

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  24. Julie, I've got a finger to show those UC Berkeley researchers. What do they know? I thought the ring finger is supposed to be longer than the index finger. Mine is. But I can't do math or endure 10 minutes of ping pong. I don't mind giving up men, though. Maybe I'll have better luck on the other team.

    Very cute post.
    xoRobyn

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  25. Michelle - Hope your fingers passed the test! Thanks Michelle!

    Robyn - Now that's using your finger wisely! Let me know how it goes on the other team. I'm ambidextrous, so the verdict is still out. Thanks Robyn!

    Julie

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  26. My hands are pretty ordinary. They have done a lot of hard work, look it, and hurt with arthritis.

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    1. Susan, You should be proud of the hard work that you've done with your hands. I'm sorry that you have bad arthritis.

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  27. Oh my gosh! This was the most entertaining ISWG post I've read all week! Julie, you are so funny. Though I wouldn't mind an excuse to get out of housework and cleaning... time for a new profession? ;-)

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    1. I think you should go for it after the Big Roast is over! Thanks Morgan!

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  29. HAHA! Oh my goodness! I have never heard this (but as I was reading it, I was wringing my hands and comparing finger sizes--I have to wonky pinkies. One looks like it was broken, and the other is thin and odd-looking). I could never be a hand model--not because of my strange pinkies, but because I need to touch things.

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