Thursday, September 12, 2013

Strange Stirrings In The Bedroom


Shortly after we were married, I awoke from a loud noise. At first I turned to see if it also startled my husband, but he was fast asleep. As I inched toward him, the noise grew louder. It sounded like a giant rat was scratching behind our bedroom door. Since we lived in a high rise, it was unlikely that a rat found it's way into our apartment, but I was still scared.

I grabbed a flashlight, and began my search. I wanted to make sure that no other creature had slithered up eighteen flights for a midnight snack. What if it had been hiding behind the wall before we moved in, and was plotting a surprise attack?

I couldn't take it anymore, so I decided to wake up my husband. He'd know what to do. Just as I started nibbling on his neck to stir him, I heard more nibbling. It was coming from my husband.

When did he have time to get up for a snack while I was running around in the dark like a lunatic? I was trying my best not to disturb him, and he was off raiding the fridge. Yes I was a young bride determined not to scare off her groom, but enough was enough already. I turned the light on, and saw that he was sleep chewing. Now I had a craving for some crunchy nuts. Wait a minute, what if he choked to death?

I scrubbed my hands like a surgeon before I opened his mouth to take a closer look. There was nothing. I even went underneath his tongue to see if he stored some extra nuts away like a squirrel, but it was empty. Not only was he still sleeping, but the noise continued. When I decided to go back in for another look, he caught me in the act. When I explained that I was looking for the lost nuts, he assured me that there weren't any. That's when we both realized that he was grinding his teeth.

Soon he was fitted for a mouth guard, and the grinding stopped. Next came braces for both of us. I wore the tops, while he wore the bottoms. We lived in fear of locking braces, which only ignited our passion. By the time things finally quieted down, the snoring began. It is amazing that this thrill seeking couple managed to have two children together.
   


33 comments:

  1. LOL - The other night I was half asleep and I heard a noise that woke me up - it turned out to me my own snoring. :) Glad you didn't get bit looking for the nuts. Fun story.

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  2. That's hilarious! So domestic. At least you confirmed your husband wasn't part squirrel.

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  3. Hi Julie - that's certainly sent me off on strange thoughts .. perhaps I'm glad I'm not married - but is that how you beget children?! Cheers Hilary

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  4. It can be pretty shocking to learn all the things that can happen when one is sleeping. It makes marriage a real adventure.

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  5. You'd think you was on a construction site with the amount of noises that come out of my bedroom at night. And it's not due to having a good time either. Snoring is an understatement, it's more like sawing. It seems to be a major problem in both sexes.
    This reminds me, I need to get some ear defenders.

    Loved the post and glad your husband didn't get 'lock jaw' whilst you was busy investigating his mouth, things could have ended up very different, ha ha ha ha.

    Marriage is a real eye-opener. No place to hide, mate. All is on display.

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  6. LOL, I could just imagine the look on your husband's face when he woke up to you looking for nuts in his mouth. ; )

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    1. Susanne - Sorry I just noticed that I wrote Suzanne instead of Susanne (below). I have another friend who spells her name with a "z," so that explains the confusion.

      Julie

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  7. Julie, you had me giggling non-stop!
    As for nocturnal nuptial escapades, I have plenty of interesting ones from the earlier years...
    Writer In Transit

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  8. Adventures in Newly-Marrieds! Hubby could have clamp down on your probing fingers! Great story!

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  9. Rhonda - How funny that you woke yourself up! Fortunately, my reflexes were better then, so I wasn't too worried. Thanks Rhonda!

    Alex - I'm also glad that he's not "part squirrel!" It would have been much worse if I found him in a tree in the middle of the night!

    Hilary - There is a lot to be said about getting a good nights sleep!

    Yvonne - It still is an adventure moving in slow motion!

    Rum-Punch Drunk - I'm glad he didn't get "lock jaw!" Ear plugs are a great idea. I've also heard that there are tongue exercises that help prevent snoring. Hope things quiet down for you!

    Suzanne - Strangely, he really didn't seem to mind!

    Michelle - I would love to hear some of your "nocturnal nuptial escapades!" Thanks Michelle!

    Susan - I'm very lucky that I still have all of my digits! Thanks Susan!

    Julie

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  10. He needs a muffler and you need earplugs (see Pearl for advice).

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  11. Oh, dear. Your husband must be a very patient man to put up with midnight inspections of his molars. You crack me up. :)

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  12. You did make me laugh with this, Julie, and the video is hilarious. My other half snores like a train, but I find it quite soothing. I'm not sure I could cope with the grinding teeth though. I think that would be a major passion paler!

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  13. Delores - The snoring is definitely better than the grinding. Does Pearl make house calls?

    Luanne - Don't forget we were newlyweds at the time; though he could probably sleep through it now too. I am lucky that he is very patient about most things.

    Val - I agree that grinding is worse. The video also cracked me up! Thanks Val!

    Julie

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  14. Craving for some crunchy nuts?
    Good golly, I'd NEVER be able to sleep.
    Video made me hot, though.

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  15. My hubby still grinds his teeth and snores like an elephant. They never write about this in the romance novels.

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  16. Al - I felt the same way about the video. I could listen to the narrator talk for hours!

    Arleen - I love your darling description of your husband! I wish we lived closer so we could get together with these brothers from another mother, or something like that! The characters in most of these romance novels don't know what they're missing!

    Julie

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  17. So, not every stirring in your bedroom is fodder for a romance novel, eh?

    My college roommate used to grind her teeth, too. Not all the time, but often enough to be a source of annoyance. (Good thing I liked her so much!) But she was also my maid of honor, and spent the night with me the night before the wedding. In a twin bed. And let me tell you, she outdid herself that night, and I was lucky to get any sleep at all. It was so bad, I half expected to see her teeth worn down to the gums come morning. I don't know if she ever outgrew that habit or not, but now that she passed away a few years ago, I'd give anything to hear her grinding away again.

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    1. Susan - Oh no, not before your wedding night! She must have made up for it in every other way. I'm so sorry that you lost your dear friend.

      Julie

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  18. Nice post, great blog, following :)

    Good Luck :)

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  19. LOL LOL. I'm surprised your husband didn't leave right then when he caught you inspecting his mouth for nuts LOL.
    It all sounds so romantic, Julie. :D

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  20. Hey Julie,

    My jaw dropped reading your posting. Teeth grinding can be aggravating. However "lost nuts", makes me shudder,

    I've heard that if two people kiss with braces on, they can pick up signals from radio stations.

    With that, I shall brace myself for any reply.

    A good, restful weekend to you.

    Gary :)

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  21. Gran Turismo Driver - Thank you, and I will do the same!

    Julie - Forgive me for trying to save a man's life! What could be more romantic than that?!

    Gary - It would have been nice to pick up those radio signals I would have really had to "brace myself" for that experience!

    Julie

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  22. This is such a cute story! Oh what we learn in our first year of marriage. My husband used to sleep corner to corner and I would be huddled in one little triangle. We ...er... he learned to change that habit quickly!

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    1. Julie - Well it was nice that he left you the triangle! It's great that we can laugh about these things now! Very funny Julie!

      Julie

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  23. During my last trip to the dentist, she told me that I grind my teeth. I was shocked. Now, I wear a mouth guard. I don't need to worry about repelling anyone, since I sleep solo. I actually sleep fine with it, despite the extra slobber. Yeah, good thing I sleep solo.

    That video clip was hysterical. Who'd have thought silicone could enhance one's kissability?

    xoRobyn

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    1. Robyn - It's a good thing that you went to the dentist. Yes, the couple in the video were made for each other! It was more of a lust for lisping type of attraction, though the "silicone" sealed the deal!

      Julie

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  24. Holy cow - how did you survive? I'd have high-tailed it to the spare bedroom at the first sign of trouble. I get really grumpy if people wake me when I'm sleeping. Grrrr. lol :-)

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  25. I also sometimes grind my teeth, but luckily it's not constant. Only when I'm under particularly high stress.

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  26. Lexa - At first I thought the noise was coming from behind the door, so I couldn't leave. I also don't like waking from a sound sleep, but it wasn't intentional.

    Misha - I'm glad it doesn't happen too often.

    Julie

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  27. LOL!!! How long after the braces did you "adopt" your two children? I am guessing your husband does not have your "magnetic" personality, thank God! Have you really been married 26 years, or were you just "locked into" this relationship? This could be my all time favorite post. You should send it to Jay Leno!

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    1. JJ - Our older son was about two when got braces for the second time. I was only ten the first time around, because my parents couldn't take it anymore.My husband's braces were never noticeable, as they were on the bottom. I only wore them for a year each time, so our younger son wasn't traumatized by them! You are really the prince of puns today JJ! I would love to send my stories to Jay, either Jimmy or SNL, but I don't know where to begin. Thanks for making my week JJ!

      Julie

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