An introduction sets the tone for the story. Since I've procrastinated for so long, I finally decided to dive right in with a mother/ daughter dialogue. I'd appreciate any advice from the Insecure Writer's Support Group. Keep in mind that this is only a rough draft, and I'll probably have to hire a live-in editor. Be sure to visit Alex J. Cavanaugh, and the rest of the encouraging IWSG.
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I couldn't wait a minute longer, so I called my mom.
Mom: Jeopardy's on.
Me: Oh, well do you want to call me back?
Mom: It's a commercial.
Me: Did you get a chance to read my first chapter?
Mom: Read it to me fast.
Me: It's several pages. Didn't Kerry drop it off for you?
Mom: What is an oxymoron?
Me: Huh?
Mom: I got it right! Jeopardy's back on.
Me: Could you just read the chapter when your program's over?
Mom: Well, then I'll have to get ready for dinner.
Me: But it's not even 3:00 yet.
Mom: I'm trying to avoid the rush hour traffic.
Me: You're just taking the elevator downstairs to the dining room.
Mom: You cannot believe the walker pile ups we have here at dinner time.
Me: So I don't suppose you want to talk about which actress will play you in the movie?
Mom: How about Ann-Margret?
Me: I was thinking Shirley MacLaine.
Mom: She would've been great twenty years ago, but she hasn't aged too well.
Me: She looks like she's in pretty good shape to me.
Mom: Nah, too many wrinkles, and she needs to do something with her hair.
Me: Even though she's not a redhead, Rita Moreno would be perfect. She has an EGOT: an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar, and a Tony.
Mom: She sounds a little over qualified to be in one of your projects, but if I coached her, she could play me. Rita did look great at the SAG Awards. I'll bet she could still dance too. You better add a dance number.
Me: If I throw in a dance number, will you read it?
Mom: There's my other phone. You could hold on, but I might disconnect you. I still don't know how to work this newfangled call waiting. I'll call you back after dinner. Bye.
He turned the last page, and thought for a moment. Then he asked if English was my first language. He also mentioned that I failed to introduce any of the other characters in the story. For example, Kerry. Surely, Kerry was more than just a messenger. He must have had a profound influence on my life. The reader deserved to know from the onset about his nurturing relationship with me and my mother. He was adamant that Kerry was the glue that held this story together. Once he was established as a major character, the book would practically write itself.
I couldn't thank my brother enough for his guidance. Then I waved as his silver SUV with the license plates "Kerry K," pulled out of the driveway.
SPECIAL NOTE: From February 4 – 10, CassaFire will be 99 cents at Amazon. Be sure to take advantage of this tremendous opportunity. This is the second installment of Alex J. Cavanaugh's award-winning space opera trilogy.
One of the things I liked about this dialogue is that in spite of the growing frustration the narrator might be feeling toward her mother, the conversation isn't told with line after line ending in exclamation marks....as sometimes such conversations with family members can be like.
ReplyDeleteHi Julie .. I love the bit about the traffic jam of walker pile-ups .. so funny! Could so easily be a part of a film ... your mother has her priorities right!! Kerry K - seems quite self-important?!
ReplyDeleteLoved the dialogue though ... and how do you cope with the tv on and someone's mind elsewhere ... and thinking about their dinner later on ..
The Book You'll Never Write - perhaps you should? .. cheers Hilary
Haha! Sounds pretty realistic to me. Although my husband likes Jeopardy, so I'm feeling pretty old!
ReplyDeleteLol! That reminded me of when Kathy Griffin talks about her mom in one of her acts.
ReplyDeleteI think it's great that you just wrote it! Diving right in and getting it written down is a huge step!
ReplyDeleteThat's a hoot.
ReplyDeleteThat was a riot!! Both the exchange and what your brother said about Kerry.
ReplyDeleteThanks for mentioning CassaFire's sale!
Is English your first language? I'm laughing so loudly, I may wake up my roommate. Thanks, Julie. I love the quick-witted dialogue.
ReplyDeleteBe well.
xoRobyn
It made me miss tussling with my mom. I think that is good. Happy IWSG day.
ReplyDeleteNicely done. I particularly relate to your mom being confused by the newfangled devices!
ReplyDeleteCynthia - I tend to go overboard with exclamation points, so I really appreciate that you noticed how I steered away from them this time. Thanks Cynthia.
ReplyDeleteHilary - Kerry K was trying to be helpful, as I suspect many family members are when they find out their relative is writing a book. Thanks for the encouragement Hilary, and I would definitely want to read your book!
Stephanie - Jeopardy appeals to all ages. Now if you know as much about Shirley MacLaine, and Rita Moreno as I do, that should make you feel old! Thanks Stephanie!
Isis - I'll have to check out Kathy Griffin again. I've only heard her make fun of other celebrities. Thanks Isis!
Eric - Now if only I knew where to go from here! Thanks Eric!
Delores - That's quite a compliment coming from such a funny lady! Thanks Delores!
Alex - Thank you for hosting the IWSG, and for always being so supportive, Alex! I'm sure that CassaFire will go through the roof once again!
Robyn - You are the queen of "quick-witted dialogue", so I really appreciate the compliment Robyn! Hope you didn't wake up your roommate!
Molly Mom - I'm sorry that you lost your mom. I know how lucky I am, and I'm glad that she still laughs along with me. Thanks for following me, Molly!
worddreams - It is funny how some older people are so resistant to change, while others can't get enough of the new technology. Of course call waiting has been around for over twenty years. Thanks worddreams!
Julie
I'm not a critic nor a writer, but you have me hooked on this story now.
ReplyDeleteIf you ever decide to write a novel, make it humorous. You do it so well. I would want to read it!!!
ReplyDeleteMary - Thank you so much! You are a writer, and I always enjoy visiting your blog, Mary.
ReplyDeleteRobin - This may or may not be it. Thanks for the huge compliment, and for always laughing with me, Robin! It is with me, right?!!
Julie
Once again a fabulous exchange between you and your mother. Nailed it. :))
ReplyDeleteExcellent to read most enjoyable.
ReplyDeleteYvonne.
Luanne - Thank you, thank you, thank you! I hope your blogging absence means that you're busy writing. Hope everything is okay. You are well missed, Luanne!
ReplyDeleteThank you Yvonne!
Julie
Fun! I love these bits between you and your mother.
ReplyDeleteAlways fascinated by how such things happen.
ReplyDeleteCarol - I really enjoy writing them. Thanks Carol!
ReplyDeleteCarole - Though most of this is embellished, the offer for Rita Moreno still stands! Thanks Carole!
Julie
This is a very nicely done dialogue. Thanks for sharing this!
ReplyDeletewww.modernworld4.blogspot.com
Thank YOU for being so thoughtful, Gina!
DeleteJulie
Here from Alex's blog. Loved the mother/daughter banter. What made me laugh the most was how self-absorbed the characters were. The mother only had dinner and Jeopardy on her mind, the daughter had tunnel vision about her book and the brother was ticked off because he wasn't a central character. This is so true to life. Great job.
ReplyDeleteBTW, loved your blog. I'm now a follower.
It would be interesting to see where this story goes.
ReplyDeleteAndrea - I'm so glad that you embraced this dysfunctional family, warts and all! You really hit the nail on the head with your incredible insight.Thank you so much for following me, and I look forward to getting to know you. BTW, I didn't see you on GFC, so I hope that it went through.
ReplyDeleteYvonne - Once I'm organized, I'll start posting more excerpts from time to time. Thanks Yvonne!
Julie
Oh yeah, it must be so much harder to manage your characters when they're actual people. :-P
ReplyDeleteMisha - I'd prefer to say it's loosely based on real caricatures!
DeleteJulie
You have a natural flair for writing dialogue. Heck. for writing, period. I LOVE it.
ReplyDeleteSusan - That's quite a compliment coming from you! I really enjoyed Hot Flashes & Cold Lemonade! Thanks so much Susan!
DeleteJulie
Loved the dialogue Julie. Very real, and I had to laugh about the walker pile ups which I could picture in my mind, as they were all scrambling to get to the dining hall, ha ha ha. You've got to watch the old ones these days, those walkers can be deadly and dangerous.
ReplyDeleteNothing wrong with a little constructive criticism from the brother, is there?
"For the Book I'll Never Write"?
ReplyDeleteMine is "For the Book I'll Never Finish."
Rum-Punch Drunk - Those walkers should come complete with flashing lights and horns! I could probably use a lot more "constructive critiicism!" Thanks Rum-Punch Drunk!
ReplyDeleteAl - You'll probably finish your book before I finish the first chapter! This would make a great name for a sequel! Thanks Al!
Julie
I love the Kerry revelation at the end! I hope whatever you write is a showcase for your delicious sense of humor. Good luck moving forward. Remember it's just one step at a time.
ReplyDeleteKathy @SwaggerWriters
Kathy - Thank you for the generous compliment. I hope that I could live up to it.
DeleteJulie
This was fantastic, and I love the punchline with Kerry at the end. Your interaction with your mother sounds a lot like mine. Oh, you released another book? That's great dear, drop it off on the table, my stories are on now so I'll read it after I do about 20 other things that I deem more important.
ReplyDeleteA Beer For The Shower - I'm sure that our moms would get along great! Congrats on your new book! I will definitely take advantage of your generous offer, just as soon as I finish watching my stories on TV! Thanks B & B!
DeleteJulie
Hi Julie,
ReplyDeleteOops and pardon me for my late arrival to your must read blog.
The dialogue was most involving and the mismatch of conversation was familiar to me. That would be if I could actually get my son to converse. My dialogue would have a series of "grunts"! Thanks and now that bloody Jeopardy music is rattling around in my head :)
Yay to "I Was Seeking Gary." I think my ego, or something, is going to burst.
Gary
Gary - Your presence here is a present any time day or night! My son spoke fluent Grunt for years. Fortunately, he outgrew it, and Tristan will too.Thanks Gary!
DeleteJulie
So funny. Sounds like some of the phone conversations I have with my mother.
ReplyDeleteLee
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