Before we boarded our flight home from Israel, we made a quick stop at the duty-free shop at Ben Gurion Airport. We picked up some Ahava lotion for my mom. She likes the special formula of Dead Sea minerals, and the convenient travel size tubes. When I told my husband that we needed to get a few extra he said, "She probably uses them like cartons of cigarettes in the joint." Then we rushed to catch our flight.
After our son graduated, I prepared myself for the worst. Though I knew he would be eating better at home, anything could happen once he stepped out of our house. All it took was a matter of minutes for him to get lost, robbed, or kidnapped by a gang of raccoons.
It didn't matter that he lived on his own for four years at college, now he was on my turf, and I felt entirely helpless. I've heard many stories about sneaky twenty-something kids who've gotten into all kinds of trouble. Little did I know, that he wasn't the one I needed to worry about.
I usually talk to my mom on the phone at least twice a day. This rule still applies on days that we spend together. The other night, I reminded my mom that I had an early dental appointment in the morning, and that I would talk to her afterward. She wished me luck, and said that she also had to get up early. When I asked where she was going at the crack of dawn, she replied, "Downstairs." This struck me odd, as she usually doesn't go to early morning activities at her retirement home, but she said goodnight before I could get anymore information.
The following day, I tried calling my mom, but there was no answer. She finally called me back later in the afternoon. I asked her if she was feeling okay, and she said that she was fine. Then I asked her if she went to the doctor. She said, "No, why? What have you heard? Who told you?"
I told her that her story didn't make any sense, and if she was only downstairs then she would've returned my call earlier. Then I asked what was wrong with her, and why she had to keep it a secret. She gave me her standard line, "I didn't want to worry you."
I dove deeper by asking how she got to her appointment. "My nurse took me." She has a visiting nurse that is set up through her insurance. I didn't realize that they were that close. I asked why she asked her to drive her, when I could've taken her. My mom said that her nurse doesn't drive, so her husband went to the hospital.
My Novocaine was beginning to wear off, but I tried to remain calm.
"So her husband drove you?"
"No, he met us at the hospital. Her boss drove me."
"Let me get this straight. So the nurse, her boss at the agency, and the nurse's husband were all at the doctor's office with you, because you were suffering from chronic constipation? It was okay to bother all of them, but you didn't want to bother your own daughter?"
"That's right."
"Did anyone in the group bring you a box lunch?"
"No, but no one gave me any lip either."
"I'm sure your doctor referred you to a gastroenterologist. Did you make an appointment?"
"No, I need to see a spine specialist first."
"Makes perfect sense. I'm sure he'll do wonders for your constipation. And I suppose you gave your nurse a nice present for taking you."
"As a matter of fact, I did."
"The Ahava lotion?"
"It's the least I could do."
Hi Julie - your mother's tales are too funny - they do amuse me the .. the elderly - the logic sometimes defied me .. but they coped, we coped .. and another trip to Israel is needed for some more Ahava!!
ReplyDeleteHave your spine checked for constipation ... well perhaps they have a fruit bowl at the ready in all these waiting rooms ...?
Honestly .. you tell these stories so well .. cheers Hilary
Classic tale! I do hope your mum is ok now!
ReplyDeleteFunny story. Hope your mom is feeling okay.
ReplyDeleteOh this made me laugh. As others have said, hope your mom feels better soon.
ReplyDeleteHilary - Yes, "a fruit bowl at the ready" in the waiting rooms would solve a lot of problems! It would be nice if my mom focused on one ailment at a time. Thank you so much, Hilary!
ReplyDeleteLinda - She seems to be doing better already. Thank you, Linda!
Natalie - Hopefully, her new medication will continue to help. Thanks Natalie!
Julie - Remarkably. this condition never interferes with my mom's weekly beauty shop appointments! Thanks Julie!
Julie
Your mother is a continual source for blogging entertainment. I started chuckling as soon as I got to the Ahava lotion. Have you considered attaching a GPS to her ankle?
ReplyDeleteYour mother is full of spirit. And you tell her tales so well. Love this!
ReplyDeleteRobin - I think you're on to something with the ankle monitor! Thanks Robin!
ReplyDeleteCarol - She certainly does have a lot of spirit! Thank you Carol!
Julie
So your husband was right - they are like cigarette cartons in the joint. And I thought he was just making a wisecrack like Rodney Dangerfield. You look like Shelley Long BTW.
ReplyDeleteHa, well, I'm sure it all made sense to your mom! :D Hope she's doing better.
ReplyDeleteI love your Mom stories. Tell her that she is one of our favorite characters on Blogger.
ReplyDeleteGorilla Bananas - Not only was he right, but his impeccable timing rivaled Rodney's! I loved Shelly Long on Cheers, and she also made a few good movies. Thanks for going easy on me, Gorilla!
ReplyDeleteDaisy - She does whatever it takes to survive in the joint! Thanks Daisy!
Arleen - I really think that she could be the next Betty White, or else she could star in a prison movie! Thanks Arleen!
Julie
I love the way you deliver these stories, Julie!
ReplyDeleteHope your mum is better?
Actually I was thinking of you the other day when I saw a website called Midlife Collage, which sponsors a free-entry, weekly writing contest of midlife short stories. U.S. citizens and legal residents age 40 and older may enter. You should really submit some of your stories.
Check it out at this link - http://midlifecollage.com/category/from-the-editor/
Michelle - Thanks for thinking of me Michelle! Robyn Alana Engel won at Midlife Collage a few months ago, and it is a great site! I know how busy you are, and I really appreciate all that you do! Oh, and my mom is doing better. Thanks again, Michelle!
DeleteJulie
Oh Julie, yes. You have so many fantastic stories for Midlife Collage.
ReplyDelete"No, but no one gave me any lip either." <--I laughed loudly. It's almost unbelievable the lengths she went through so as not to bother you and/or get any 'lip.' I kept thinking, "Did this really happen?" Then I remembered, she is a Jewish Bubbe. Of course it did.
Robyn - I'm so excited that your entry won for Midlife Collage, and thanks for the words of encouragement!
DeleteYes, this really happened though I do tend to embellish a bit!
Julie
Hi EN--I wish I still were an "Empty Nester"--is there a category for "Older, not Bolder?"And I wish I still had a mom to bicker with. But my friend Arlene has a 97 year mom that sounds like yours. I want her to read your blog. Thanks for visiting mine. My advice to you, take out your bucket list and start traveling. It's harder later.
ReplyDeleteHehe! Funny story! I do hope your mother is doing better, though. You've got to watch out for those raccoon gangs. ;)
ReplyDeleteBeen there, Julie. But miss the exchanges now that I can't have them anymore.
ReplyDeleteIt must be nice to know that your mother can take care of herself. I am trying to imagine you at her age and in her situation. She must a great role model.
ReplyDeleteNatalie - I'm sorry that you lost your mom. Thanks for recommending my blog to your friend. I'm sure that she has great stories about her 97 year-old mother! It's amazing that she's still feisty! You are so right about not putting off your bucket list.
ReplyDeleteCherie - We do have some suspicious looking raccoons in our area! Thanks Cherie!
Lee - I'm so sorry that you lost your mom. I know how much you did for her, and I'm sure you were greatly appreciated. I don't know how I'll cope when that day finally comes.
Yvonne - I relayed your message to my mom, and she really appreciated your kind words. My mom was an exceptional role model when my dad passed away thirty-six years ago. She always put my brother and me first, and we'll always be grateful. Thanks Yvonne!
Julie
I dropped by to say hello! I have been absent from blogging for a while, and I did miss your posts. It’s good to be back. You haven't changed a bit!
ReplyDeleteSomehow our children survive becoming adults. And we have to survive the point when our parents become frail.
ReplyDeleteYour mother is a bold one. Sounds like she will be one who never gives up.
JJ - I'm glad you're back, and can't wait to hear about your adventures! Thanks JJ!
ReplyDeleteSusan - My mom is very bold, and I hope she continues to argue with me for many years to come! Thanks Susan!
Julie
Your mother is certainly a character...no messing or giving lip to her!
ReplyDeletePoor mom. Send her off to an island, Asia or Morocco for a week - that will cure her constipation. (Sorry, being back only a day, I couldn't resist). Your mom is awesome, totally laughed at, "No, but no one gave me any lip either."
ReplyDeleteHA! I'm sure this all made perfect sense to her.
ReplyDeleteGreat story. I almost feel like I know your mother. That giving her lip comment cracked me up. You guys have a wonderful relationship.
Nas - She certainly is, but where would the fun be in that? Thanks Nas!
ReplyDeleteRhonda - Hey, instead of exchanging houses, maybe we could start a mom exchange business! Your island idea is a great one, but I'd miss her too much! Hope you had a fun trip, Rhonda!
Susan - My mom would definitely get a kick out of you too! Believe it or not, I don't write about every single thing that she does, but I will eventually! We do have a wonderful relationship for which I am very grateful! I know that you felt the same way about your mom. Thanks Susan!
Julie
The lotion works on so many levels! Gives your mom the opportunity to pick and choose her transportation. LOL.
ReplyDeleteYour mom is awesome, and I love that she never wants to bother you. Reminds me of my grandma. My mom really wanted to take care of her because she was sick, so she kept trying to give her a bell to ring if she needed anything. Grandma didn't want it, but my mom kept insisting, so finally she took it. 5 minutes later, the bell rang. My mom ran to her and asked her what she needed. Grandma said, without missing a beat, "Take the damn bell."
ReplyDeleteKim - Yes, it really helps her grease the wheels!
ReplyDeleteBryan & Brandon - This is such a great story! You should definitely write about your grandma on your blog! Thanks B & B!
Julie
This sounds kind of like my mother. I only call my mother once a day most of the time but she seems okay with that.
ReplyDeleteThe conversation exchange you shared put me in mind of one of those old George Burns and Gracie Allen routines. I could have read more of that.
Lee
Tossing It Out
Lee - It's nice that you call your mom everyday! I also liked those old George and Gracie routines. My grandpa could've passed for George Burns' brother right down to the cigar! Thanks Lee!
DeleteJulie
I say many thanks to Mr. admin website I read this, because in this website I know a lot of information information that I did not know before his
ReplyDeleteDaftar Tanaman Obat Herbal Anti Kanker
Cemilan Sehat Untuk Penderita Diabetes
Tips Untuk Segera Hamil Dalam Waktu Sebulan
Alasan Mengapa Wasir Datang Pada Tubuh Kita
Kebanyakan Merokok Bisa Sebabkan Risiko Kanker Mulut
Masalah Insomnia Dan Cara Mengatasinya
Hukum Menggunakan Inhaler Saat Berpuasa
Obat Untuk Meningkatkan Gairah Seksual Tanpa Efek Samping
Beberapa Tentang Gejala Kadar Gula Darah Rendah
Obat Untuk Membuat Kulit Bersih Tanpa Efek Samping