Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Bird-Brained Tips On Dressing

                                                         
www.foodbeast.com
Notice the elegant lines on the dog's fringe poncho, and the cat's pressed Pilgrim suit. Their respective feather headdress and Pilgrim hat are perfectly in sync, as well as their priceless poses. We could learn a lot from these precocious pets.

Fast forward to a Chicago courtroom. A female judge sentenced a man to two days in jail for wearing "rodeo clown pants," aka saggy pants to court. Though his case was dismissed, he still had to serve time.


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Another man who got off for using his cell phone, while riding his bike was sentenced for contempt of court. Eight men in total were forced to sit in jail for wearing their pants too low. According to WGN News, "It costs about one hundred and fifty dollars a day of the taxpayer's money for an inmate to sit in jail."  Talk about really cracking down on sloppy dressing.

There should also be laws for women who show too much skin. Any woman over fifty in cleavage-baring attire should be issued a warning, and over sixty should immediately be locked up. Women over seventy should be held indefinitely without bail. My brother and I have discussed this many times, and neither one of us would have a problem locking our mom up for good if we caught her in the act again.

All hell could break loose with the saggy pants epidemic on Thanksgiving, as many people unbutton their pants after the big meal. I have already planned my outfit to insure I won't be doing any jail time. A tasteful turtleneck will not offend the turkey, or the guests, combined with a stylish pair of sweatpants with an elastic waist. I realize I won't be as fashionable as the cat or the dog, but I'll definitely be more comfortably dressed than the bird.

Wishing everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving!


52 comments:

  1. This is the first time I've heard sentances to jail like that. Made interesting reading.......with a smile on my face.

    Have a good day.

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  2. Hi Julie - great fun to read - and glad you've got your expando pants lined up ready for the Day ... saggy pants are awful, shorts and sandals not so brilliant - but it's winter ... so I guess knees will mainly be covered.

    What act are you going to catch your Mom in again .. bet you and your brother couldn't catch her .. you'd be convulsed with laughter ...

    Happy thanksgiving - Hilary

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  3. Many women over 60 would have to wear their tops cut to the waist to show cleavage. Gravity often keeps us modest.

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    1. BTW, have a wonderful Thanksgiving in your expandable pants. Your outfit is the perfect attire for enjoying yourself on this day where we celebrate over-indulgence. I will be wearing a similar outfit.

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  4. Enjoy your holiday, Julie. I, too, have a major peeve with people showing parts of their bodies that should be left covered.

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  5. Have a Happy and Humerous Thanksgiving.

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  6. While I don't mind women baring skin, you're right - only the young ones who are in shape should do so. All others, please ditch the hip huggers and half shirts.

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  7. lol wow, they must really want to fill those cells

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  8. Happy Thanksgiving. I am pro jail time for the droopy pants brigade, but not jail time for over 70 yr olds not wearing plunging necklines.

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  9. Always go with the stretch pants on Thanksgiving. :)

    Enjoy your holiday, Julie!

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  10. Have a Happy Holiday in your comfortable turtleneck-and-elasticated-yet-stylish-sweatpants-attire-guaranteed-to-accommodate-the-expanding-waistline-that-accompanies-the-indulgency-that-goes-hand-in-hand-with-the-season!

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  11. I hear you! Thanksgiving is all about comfort. Happy Thanksgiving!

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  12. I detect a lack of respect for tradition in your planned attire. I bet none of the pilgrim mothers wore sweatpants with an elastic waist. What's wrong with a good old maternity frock? If I were a judge, I'd sentence you to 7 free turkey suppers if you came into court wearing a maternity frock.

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  13. JULIE ~
    That cartoon was really funny. If only the idiot kids and the geriatrics could find "a happy medium".

    >>... Women over seventy should be held indefinitely without bail.

    I love that idea! And may I add that if they have tattoos they are held beyond indefinitely? (Nothing makes me cringe more and feel more embarrassment for a person than seeing a geezer - man or woman - sporting a tattoo.)

    If young people also began jumping off bridges...
    ...well, THEN I might support those geezers following the new trend.

    Happy Thankful-For-Stuffing-One's-Self Day to you, JULIE!

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

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  14. What is the world coming to, eh? Men are wearing their pants around their knees. Women are wearing their shirts cut to the belly button. Tattoos and piercings are all the rage. And don't get me started on spandex. Or pregnant women wearing a spandex "blouse" over their protruding belly. Hello... ever visit a maternity department???

    That said, I plan to pull out my "fat pants" for Turkey Day. Don't want to get arrested...

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  15. Yvonne - I was shocked when my mom told me she heard about it on the radio last week. The judge refused to comment on it. Thanks Yvonne!

    Hilary - Yes, my "expando pants" are ready to go! Sometimes my mom can be pretty speedy in her walker! Thanks Hilary!

    Arleen - So true about gravity! Unfortunately, some people still like to flaunt whatever they have. I'll be thinking of you in your matching swank attire! Happy Thanksgiving!

    Joy - It's always nice to leave some things to the imagination! Thanks Joy!

    Delores - Thank you, and I hope you had a nice celebration in Canada!

    Alex - You are absolutely right, Alex! Have a wonderful holiday!

    Pat - I don't know how much longer the judge will be allowed to keep doing this. I'm sure all of this publicity hasn't been good for her. I think she would've gotten her message across by issuing fines instead.

    Julie

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  16. very funny. Happy Thanksgiving and enjoy comfort. Have seconds for me.

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    1. Joanne - Hope you and Ray have a wonderful Thanksgiving! I'm better off not having seconds, as I pointed out on page 96! Thanks Joanne!

      Julie

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  17. Jo - The "droopy pants brigade" has a nice ring to it! I don't know if we can allow exceptions for the plunging neckline rule. Though you might want to recruit a judge for your bowling team to play it safe. Thanks Jo!

    Luanne - Why should Thanksgiving be different than any other day? Ha, ha! Have a wonderful holiday, Luanne!

    Michelle - I couldn't have said it better myself, and you did it all in one sentence! You are still a master wordsmith, Michelle! Thank you!

    Carol - Have a happy, and comfortable Thanksgiving! Hope you're able to get some rest with all of your guests!

    Gorilla - I should have saved some of my lovely "maternity frocks" for special occasions. Please don't sentence me to seven turkey dinners with all the trimmings. Once a year is more than enough for me, though I never tire of turkey sandwiches.

    Stephen - Yes, a "happy medium" would be nice! I'm also not a big fan of tattoos, especially on sagging skin. Let's not encourage anyone to jump off bridges. It's much better to jump in the lake in the summertime. Happy Thanksgiving Stephen!

    Robin - Spandex can be friend or foe depending on if it pulls you in the right places. In other words, if you can breathe while wearing spandex you probably shouldn't be wearing it in the first place. Like most things, it's best in small quantities. Glad you're playing it safe this holiday, Robin!

    Julie

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  18. I can't avoid showing some cleavage unless I wear something with a very high neck. I don't go out of my way to wear low-cut clothes, however.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. Janie - I promise not to make a citizen's arrest if I ever run into you, though I might be tempted because you look so good! Happy Thanksgiving, Janie!

      Julie

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    2. Nah. You wouldn't be tempted. I look like shite.

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    3. Janie - You need to give yourself more credit. Never underestimate the powers of natural cleavage. As Ulla sang in The Producers, "When You Got It, Flaunt It!" It also works well in a stylish Pilgrim costume.

      Julie

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  19. your "dressing" is hilarious, Julie! I have a tip too, don't check the scale after dinner. you just might...die :D

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  20. Bwahahahahahaha...

    I'm safe from the fashion police; I don't subject anyone to seeing more of me than absolutely necessary.

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  21. This was a great funny piece! Enjoy your Thanksgiving!

    Hugs and chocolate!

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  22. Tammy - Great tip! We have a lot of celebrations this weekend, so I'll have to wait at least a week before I go near a scale! Have a great Thanksgiving! Thanks Tammy!

    Cherdo - Glad you're doing your part for the cause! Happy Thanksgiving! Thanks Cherdo!

    Shelly - Hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving too! Thanks Shelly!

    Julie

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  23. I think people who do not cover up should be sentenced to spending their time with others who do the same things. I do not think it matters how old they are. Too much is too much.

    Unless there is some crime besides bad taste what kind of a jail would do for people who do not know how to dress?

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  24. The saggy pants drive me crazy! I want to sneak up behind them and pull them up. :) Funny post, Julie! Wishing you and yours a very happy Thanksgiving!

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  25. Yvonne - I agree that "too much is too much." There are plenty of TV shows, and magazines that will be happy to tell you bad taste is a crime! Happy Thanksgiving Yvonne!

    Daisy - I'll bet you gave lots of wedgies in high school! Happy Thanksgiving to you, and your family! Thanks Daisy!

    Julie

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  26. Somehow I focused on to the word "again", and am afraid to ask about when you caught your mom in the act before.

    Happy Thanksgiving. It is the holiday I miss the most.

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    1. Rhonda - I caught her "in the act" of showing too much décolleté a few years ago. Which "act" did you think I was talking about?! Sorry you miss celebrating Thanksgiving, but you and your family are creative enough to bring your favorite parts of the holiday to New Zealand!

      Julie

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  27. Dressing can be such a bother to others. Some people just are not sensitive to norms. There has to be a semblance of decorum despite our insistence to be our own self. Great thoughts Julie!

    Hank

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    1. Hank - I agree that there should be some kind of 'semblance of decorum' especially in a courtroom. Though I wouldn't want to sit on a bus or train next to someone showing off their saggy pants either. Thank you so much, Hank!

      Julie

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  28. We have a new law in my country that basically states that police officers may give fines as they please. I'm sure this will give you inspiration for many similar posts. I hope you had a lovely Thanksgiving.

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    1. Vanessa - Given your world famous chocolates, beautiful surroundings, and wonderful new laws I really would love to visit Belgium! We did have a lovely Thanksgiving at my aunt and uncle's house! Thanks for inspiring me, Vanessa!

      Julie

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  29. Hope you had a great Thanksgiving! I spent mine with my pants properly pulled up, and I look forward to doing that for many years to come... with the threat or jail or not.

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  30. I laughed at the cartoon because my uncles would pull their pants up above their belly buttons. I was somewhat appalled. Relative to the sagging trend, though, I'm thinking it was rather gentlemanly of them.

    Elastic is the way to go.

    I hope you had a great Thanksgiving, Julie. xo

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  31. B & B - I knew I could count on both of you to uphold your dignity, and your pants for the holiday! Hope you had a great Thanksgiving too!

    Robyn - I also prefer the Ed Grimly look to the sagging trend! Your uncles sound like they were entertaining characters! I agree that a little bit of stretch or elastic goes a long way! We did have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and I hope you also had a nice holiday! Thanks Robyn!

    Julie

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  32. Here's your * * * * * for this one, Julie. Loved it. The cartoon made me laugh out loud. Hope your holiday was great.

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  33. love these pictures. :)
    hope you have a lovely december.

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    1. Superlux - Darn auto correct! I just noticed I wrote Superglux by mistake. They tried to change it to superglue, and I thought I fixed it. Sorry about that.

      Julie

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  34. ::snort:: Such fun!! Hope you had a great Thanksgiving!!

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  35. Lee - Welcome back! Thanks for the five star review! You are much too generous! I also thought the cartoon was funny. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving, and I hope you did too! Thanks Lee!

    Superglux- Thank you, and I wish you a very happy holiday season!

    Ava - We had a wonderful feast at my aunt and uncle's house! A fine time was had by all! Hope you also had a great celebration! Thanks Ava!

    Julie

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  36. We had a very nice Thanksgiving despite mourning the passing of our mother. We ate in a restaurant. Missed the home cooked meal my mother used to fix. My pants weren't sagging either.

    Lee
    Tossing It Out

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  37. Fun post! Hope you had a great Thanksgiving!

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  38. Lee - I'm glad you still spent time with your family on the holiday. I'm so sorry about your mom, and I'm sure she was smiling down on all of you. It's hard to ever find anyone who can live up to your mom's cooking. Ha, ha! I never doubted you for a second!

    Nas - We had a great day! Thanks Nas!

    Julie

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  39. I was face to butt on an escalator once, and it left me traumatized. It took all self-control I had to NOT pull the jeans down all the way.

    Merry Christmas!

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    1. Susan - Ugh!!! Not a pretty sight! It would've been fun to try if you had your running shoes on! Thank you, and Merry Christmas to you!

      Julie

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  40. I'll make sure I keep a belt with me. Not a fan of jail time

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  41. I love these pictures.very funny.

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