How The Chopper Has Ruined My Life

                                                                             

It looked like an ordinary package when it arrived in the mail. Never would I have guessed how a device that was designed for convenience would completely take over my kitchen. The chopper had become an all-consuming event for my husband and younger son. They would constantly discuss what vegetables my husband should pick up from the store, so they could work feverishly slicing and dicing to create gourmet dinner salads for two. 

At first I was thrilled to give up my position as head of the kitchen, until I realized I was demoted to chief bottle washer. They had all the glory, while I was still stuck cleaning up their messes. Slowly my kitchen was turning into a battlefield, and I was the enemy. I never knew what I would step in, or what might come crashing down on me from the ceiling. I was forced to walk around my own kitchen wearing goggles, and combat boots with a fully loaded Swiffer.

Then the cravings began. I started gaining weight from watching their healthy eating. I couldn't exist on salad, so I would make myself a grilled cheese sandwich on bread that actually tasted like bread. Of course I had to have some chips with it, and things continued to get uglier, and uglier. When they looked up at me in disgust I cried out, "I can't live on horse food."

The other night when my husband was calmly chopping away, he noticed an important ingredient was missing from his salad. As his left nostril began to flare, I decided to text our son at work, "Did you kidnap Dad's avocado?"

I can't tell you how many times I've texted him without receiving any response. In this case, he knew it was an emergency, and instantly got back to me. Our son explained that he took the rest of the avocado with him to work, and half of it had gone bad already. He also mentioned that he told his dad to pick up another one at his favorite store on his way home from the office. Then I responded, "Dad did get another one, but it isn't ripe yet. I hope someday he'll forgive you."

At first he didn't realize I was kidding, and couldn't stop apologizing. When I think about all of the clothes, cell phones, and electronic devices that never made it home from college without a second thought, and how he was guilt-ridden about a single avocado, it proves my theory that there really is such a thing as eating too many fruits and vegetables. 

Sorry to cut this short, but it's three o'clock, and I must start cooking dinner before my kitchen is taken over by the mad choppers. Fortunately, I only had to make the reservation in my own kitchen a month in advance.