All Is Not Wonderful In The Land Of Mehmet Oz

                                                                                          Julie Pick                         
 
We spent a romantic evening snuggled up in front of the TV watching the 9:00 news on Fox, when Dr. Oz was featured in a segment about how to avoid a heart attack during the Bears-Packers playoff game. I almost dropped my hot fudge sundae, when he pulled out replicas of two human hearts. The healthy heart looked like a fillet mignon, while the diseased heart looked like a fatty porterhouse steak after dogs had been battling over it. The latter enlarged heart was a result of years of gluttonous eating and lack of exercise. My husband almost slammed the door on the pizza delivery man, but he decided to invite him to come in from the cold and watch the rest with us. I was a little embarrassed that he saw me in my chocolate stained nightgown, but he was too busy digging the change out of our couch for his tip.

After we got over the initial shock of onions touching my side of the pizza, Dr. Oz pointed out that baseball fans have lower blood pressure rates than football fans. The way he described it baseball was more relaxing with the 7th inning stretch etc. and football fans were more likely to receive injuries resulting in death than the players themselves. The good doctor then proceeded to prescribe how to stay alive during the game.

Dr. Oz didn't mention anything about preventing frostbite for the fans at Soldier Field. He also didn't touch on cutting down on heavy drinking. Instead he had 3 suggestions for surviving a playoff party: (1) make sure to take any heart medications before the start of the game  (2) stand up and touch your toes for circulation during commercials and (3) for the big feast indulge in a small salad with vinegar & water dressing. I don't know many women who could resist picking at a sumptuous spread, let alone men. Has he not heard of buttocks flexes an exercise that can be performed while sitting, so you don't lose your place on the couch? And why should adults need to be reminded to take their meds? I took mine with breakfast; wait a minute I skipped breakfast because I was looking forward to that vinegar & water salad for lunch. Mmm...maybe I could have a Tums for dessert.

Although Dr. Oz does strike a stunning pose in his scrubs, I was hoping that I would walk away more enlightened from his segment. It was almost like he was a last minute filler on the late newscast and wanted to save his best work for his own show. Maybe all this time in the spotlight has dimmed his brain and hardened his heart. Perhaps Dr. Oz should be off to see the wizard.