Wednesday, February 13, 2013

When Your Heart's Just Not Into Valentine's Day


 (source)
                                                                     

                                                                 
I decided to do a little research on the history of St. Valentine's Day, when I came across a website that offered the secrets to successful relationships. Rori Raye "trained relationship coach," was about to unveil everything we ever needed to know about having an ideal marriage. I couldn't wait to find out what the author of The Modern Siren, the tell-all for how "You can be a magnet for a man," had to say. 

Rori Raye explained that she's been married for twenty years, and how early on she came to the realization that in order to make her relationship work, she would have to change. She started out as a "Crumb-Taking Queen when it came to men." This meant that she tried to "control and manipulate everyone in a very sweet and smiling way." Instead she found a better approach: "Be the girl in the relationship...do not do anything. You just smile. You're warm...you're there."

Okay she's still doing a lot of smiling, but now there's less manipulating? Maybe she's talking about a more seductive knowing smile instead of a ditsy pull your sweater over your head "do they feel real?" kind of smile.  Like most things in life I was both confused and intrigued so I read further: "It's your job to be the tour guide of YOU--not of the relationship." Something tells me that Oprah would call this an "aha moment." What I think Ms. Raye is trying to convey is that boys like to be in charge and girls need to make them think they are, but they're really not so there. My mom tried to give me the very same advice when I was twelve, but when it comes from a "trained relationship coach," it suddenly has more merit. 

According to Rori Raye, if you follow these steps, "What you'll discover is that you like your man even more and you can genuinely RECEIVE the love he's giving, and revel in just BEING instead of struggling in all the DOING." Isn't that what Valentine's Day is all about? RECEIVING flowers, candy, jewelry, etc. BEING loved, cherished, adored or simply left alone, and DOING nothing but complaining because none of those other things ever happened in the first place? I think she's onto something.

Just when I was getting ready to walk away from my computer, I got reeled in again. I came to a section that said, "Learn the four magic words that will help you take back your power and regain control of your love life..." Then I clicked onto the next page, "read the rest of this article when you become a member." What could those four magic words be? I think we already learned about the first three in the last paragraph, and the fourth word could be teasing. Isn't teasing a form of manipulative behavior which she said to avoid?  Unfortunately, I won't find out unless I purchase Rori Raye's CD and video collection for five easy payment of $39.95. I think I'd rather use the money to buy myself flowers on Valentine's Day.



Author's Note: I originally wrote this in February of 2011, shortly before my life forever changed with my first  Blogging From A to Z April Challenge. 


54 comments:

  1. Enjoyed the read. I have no Valentine in my life but have the memories of past Valentines days, one very vivid one was when my husband came home from the night shift with a lovely bouquet of flowers, I put them in water and admired them all day. He arose at 4pm to enlighten me that as no shops were open he bought these at a service station .....and they were artificial flowers.......and me putting them in water.

    Yvonne,.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I suppose article writers have to make their money somehow. Annoying though. I don't think Valentines Day is aimed at us folk. It's for the youngsters who have got that thrill of attraction tingling through their bodies and, let's face it, no amount of advice on how to manage a man will help a girl when she's under that love spell. Oh to be young again!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Four magic words...hmmmmm...for the author, I suppose the words would be "I'll buy the book" lol.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Magic words? At the moment, the only magic words I'm looking for are ones that will "spice up" my writing. LOL.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Haha, I really want to know the fourth word, dangit. I didn't realize being the girl meant just smiling and being a warm body! Great advice Miss Raye has there.

    Glad you shared this post again, Julie! And Happy Valentine's Day a little early to you. :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh, how I hate those come on words that try to lure me away from my money. But maybe because I'm not resorting to that tactic is the reason I'm not making money on the internet. I won't be buying myself any flowers, but I might be paying a bill with that extra $39.

    Lee
    Have you ever compiled a life soundtrack?
    Wrote By Rote
    An A to Z Co-host blog

    ReplyDelete
  7. awww man--i was hoping to find more--without paying for it ;)

    ReplyDelete
  8. $39.95 to find out those four words! Now we will forever float around blindly. Maybe "I have a headache"?

    ReplyDelete
  9. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Wait a minute - I'm not really in charge? Hey!!!
    Is the four letter magic word "sexy?" I hope so.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Especially when you're playing your guitar Alex! Of course you're in charge, and you have your clones, co-hosts and new minions to prove it!

      Delete
  11. Yvonne - I loved your story, and I'm sure your hubby appreciated it too! Thanks Yvonne!

    Rosalind - Ah, the old "love spell." I'll bet there are people of all ages that fall under it.

    Delores - You've found the magic words!

    Michelle - Your writing is already pretty amazing.

    Lee - I have a feeling this person hasn't been incredibly successful. You've helped so many people through A to Z which I believe is much better therapy.

    Sorry to leave you hanging Lynn!

    Julie - I'm glad that you appreciate her infinite wisdom! Happy Valentine's Day Julie!

    Susan - I bet you're right. It's okay as long as you remember to smile when you say it!

    Julie




    ReplyDelete
  12. Can the four words be you can RECEIVE by DOING it while BEING NAKED?
    And whaddya mean, I'm not in charge?

    ReplyDelete
  13. OK, those four little words were 'give me your money' , and you'll surely find out the things that you already knew in life.

    There is no price for love, I say and it certainly doesn't come in five easy payments, or does it?

    ReplyDelete
  14. Well...all of that could turn a girl off Valentine's forever. Hope yours is happy and filled with chocolate :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Al - If you added WIITH THE LIGHTS OUT! Yes, you're still in charge Al, but we can't say the same for that Ken guy!

    RPD - In all fairness she accepts credit cards too! I don't think that there's anything easy about it, but it's definitely worth it with the right person.

    Carol - Sadly, I already got a headstart on the chocolate! Happy Valentine's Day to you too Carol!

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
  16. Okay - totally frustrating. Definitely don't spend your money on that. Lots of other things to spend it on.
    Hope your Valentines is great and full of things you love. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Leigh - I have no intention of buying her book, and hope that anyone who reads this will feel the same way. Wishing you a very happy Valentine's Day Leigh!

      Julie

      Delete
  17. Hey, the secret to true love doesn't come cheap. Can't believe you didn't open your wallet and go for it. But since you're a writer I suppose you could supply your own fourth word and call it good.

    Happy Valentine's Day. Now go forth and receive. :))

    ReplyDelete
  18. I'm more into flowers myself. Hope your day is perfect.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Luanne - I probably would have if I were a "crumb-taking queen!" Good advice, and you need to do the same.

    Lee - I love flowers too, but I wish I had a green thumb.

    Happy Valentine's Day Luanne and Lee!

    ReplyDelete
  20. GAAAH! I vote for flowers and chocolates! I dislike being taken for a ride...
    So how did A-Z change your life? I'm a little nervous it will take over mine... any advice?
    Oh--and tag you're it. I nominated you for an award on my blog.
    ~Just Jill

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jill - A to Z was my introduction to the blogging community. I got to meet a lot of bloggers that were just starting out like me, as well as seasoned pros. It is a lot of work which can be frustrating, but the key is trying to write posts ahead of time. Stay tuned for more tips at Blogging From A to Z. I've still kept in touch with bloggers from 2011, and the camaraderie makes it all worthwhile. The good news is that you're already on your way, and you'll have a built in support system.

      Thanks for the award Jill, and Happy Valentine's Day!

      Julie

      Delete
  21. LOL - Thanks for the laugh. I am fairly sure you know it all already. The four words - "thanks for paying me." On the bright side, you did get one funny blog post out of it all and maybe a few tips on how to smile :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for featuring me. You are awesome.

      Delete
    2. You may have found the four magic words! Thanks, and I think you're awesome too Rhonda!

      Delete
  22. Hope you had a wonderful Valentine's. I couldn't help but smile at the end of this post. Five easy payment, huh? Flowers sound better.

    Madison:-)

    ReplyDelete
  23. I wonder what those four magic words are, although it probably has a "sucker" in there, if people are paying to read more. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  24. My Meddling Mind - I couldn't agree more about the flowers! Hope you had a nice Valentine's Day too MMM!

    Cherie - Maybe there's a subliminal "sucker" written backwards somewhere in there!

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
  25. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  26. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Sorry - wish we could edit after we post....

    I think if I had just kept dating my husband without actually getting married, I would have had a profoundly better valentine's day yesterday. I got yellow roses (which means friendship - awesome), a migraine from the chocolate I bought for myself, and a promise to go out to dinner wherever I want whenever I want to plan it...whatever I think will work...maybe we can bring the kids...whatever. So romantic.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Hi Julie,

    Indeed, never mind those five easy payments. You've told me enough here for free. Say it with flowers on Valentine's Day. Or in my case, the doctor said something rather different to me on a most memorable Valentines Day. Excellent article and hope you had a lovely Valentine's Day. With that, my comment has um reached the end....:)

    ReplyDelete
  29. Tonja - I happen to love yellow roses, and the fact that your husband gave them to you is romantic. Sorry about your migraine. Having dinner at your favorite restaurant sounds pretty good to me. Pick a place that you'd like to go, or narrow it down to a few choices, and ask your hubby to surprise you. Sometimes it's fun to have a belated celebration. Tonja, your hubby is trying to make you happy. Try to enjoy it, and remember to smile like Rori recommends.

    Gary - Before you say it with flowers make sure that the person isn't allergic to them.
    I hope that the doctor had some words of encouragement for you. I also hope that he was gentle, and had warm hands. Take care of yourself Gary, and I'm sending many positive thoughts your way.

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
  30. Another example of using an old tradition as a cash cow - who'd have thought? I was happy enough to spend money to send flowers into my wife's work when she's having a bad time at the moment though - keep it simple!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Hahaha...oh, the way the world thinks about marriage. "Manipulate." "Let him think he's in charge." It's nice to see this sort of thing satirized. :) Thanks for finding me--I'm excited to see what you write for the A-Z challenge! :)

    ReplyDelete
  32. Nick - I'm sure that she really appreciated it. Hope everything is okay.

    Jaimie - I'm glad to meet an Arlee Ambassador! Looking forward to participating in A to Z with you, and thanks for following me!

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
  33. Five easy payments of $39.95? I could almmost get a Smart Car for that (and thanks for your comments, too).

    ReplyDelete
  34. I thought you were reading a re-write of Fascinating Womanhood. The ideas have been around for almost forever. My Mom had a copy that she used to replace a broken leg on sofa.

    I enjoyed reading the post and winced at payments of $39.95. Isn't it amazing what the internet can do?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. All all of the comments on this post were great, but yours, Yvonne? "My Mom had a copy that she used to replace a broken leg on sofa." I laughed so hard when I read that. :-)

      Delete
  35. Hahahaha wow that's expensive advice. Hmm... I'm coming up with a few four word phrases, but I think I'll hang on to them. :-P

    ReplyDelete
  36. Nick - Great idea about the Smart Car! Sounds like a much better investment!

    Yvonne - Now that's an ideal place to keep the book. Atleast it will be helpful there! Thanks Yvonne!

    Misha - I appreciate your good judgement!

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
  37. I don't know the first thing about romance. I just married my wife and she's terrific!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JJ - I'm sure you know much more than you're letting on! Glad you both hit the jackpot!

      Delete
  38. Those books send me into a mad rage, especially since they tend to hit the best-seller list quickly.

    xoRobyn

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Robyn - I just found out about it accidentally two years ago, and haven't heard anything more about it since. There are probably other similar books that have taken off, so a shot of chocolate milk might help ease your pain!

      Delete
  39. I can think of at least 10 different things i"d rather spend my money on:)
    Nutschell
    www.thewritingnut.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nutschell - I always knew you were a smart woman!

      Delete
  40. Pbbbbt! Married for twenty years? She's still a neophyte, and if she thinks the "secret" has absolutely anything... even the slightest tinge... of manipulation or fake smiles involved, she's full of it.

    Kinda reminds me of some of the books by so-called relationship experts that I read back in the seventies. Some experts. They all ended up divorced.

    Happy belated Valentine's Day, kiddo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Same to you Susan! I think we should send her your book, though she really doesn't deserve it!

      Delete
  41. I love it--excellent article, Julie. You called her out! lol That last word has to be "shyster". :-)

    ReplyDelete