A New Zenith

Zoom in on April 1st,
No fools showed up for the meeting.
Hosts were gathered all about,
Could not have staged a warmer greeting.

Zealous writers all in tow,
Nervous energy glistened.
Arlee Bird tossed out the first word
While everyone attentively listened. 

Zipping through the alphabet,
The letters quickly flowed.
Followers danced around the Web,
While melodious notes started to unfold.

Zero days, the end is here,
Alliances formed everlasting.
Zonked out from lack of sleep,
As the zany euphoria is passing.


Note: This is an edited repost from my first A to Z in 2011.

Yearning For Yesteryear

                                                                           

     

                                                                               

Recently I watched an earlier episode of Mad Men which took place at a Howard Johnson Motor Lodge in the sixties. This brought back memories of childhood vacations. Our dad was vice president and comptroller for a large corporation that had a plant in Newark, Delaware. We spent many summers driving from Chicago to Newark at the Howard Johnson's where we enjoyed leisurely days at the pool, while our dad went to work.

Afterward, he would go swimming with us, have races, and take me for rides on his back. Our mom enjoyed sunbathing, and would occasionally walk in the water up to her knees.  We were warned not to get her hair wet under any circumstances. Children who accidentally splashed her were never seen again.

Our dad also delighted in taking us out for hot fudge sundaes, or the flavor of the month special at HoJo's.  Hot apple pie ala mode with chocolate ice cream was also a favorite he shared with my brother. We never made a visit without going to a barbecue hosted by his associate's family who became dear friends. 

The only downside were the long drives to and fro. I suffered from motion sickness, and never failed to have my dad pull over several times throughout the trip. In the meantime, my brother would be quietly turning blue with his legs crossed, and tears streaming down his face. All because he didn't want to ask our dad to make anymore unscheduled stops.

Our last vacation to Delaware was when I was fourteen years old. As an added bonus we drove on to a resort in the Catskill Mountains. It was a cleaner version of the one in Dirty Dancing. By day my brother and dad played a lot of tennis, in addition to swimming and playing volleyball with us. By night we went to see shows, or went dancing in a lounge with a live band. As always the vacation went by all too quickly.

Although our dad didn't feel well, he insisted on driving straight home like he always did. Mom suggested spending the night in a motel, or at the very least she would drive, but he wouldn't hear of it. Dad drove through the night, dropped me off at home, and headed to the hospital with my mom and brother. 

It wasn't until the next day that I found out Dad had a heart attack, along with latent malaria which he must have contracted in the Navy. Mom assured us he would be fine, so I didn't worry. My brother was smart enough to know better. This was Dad's second out of three heart attacks, and he was only forty six years old.  

One of our last family trips was when I was a high school sophomore, and my brother was a college freshman. My brother fixed me up with his friend who needed a date for a Naval ROTC formal. I could have taken the bus to Wisconsin, but Dad offered to have us stay at a hotel, and make a fun weekend out of it.

My dad probably wasn't feeling well at the time, but he never complained. He was so proud of my brother and delighted in visiting the beautiful campus, because he never went away to school. He also loved when my brother joined a frat, as he was president of his fraternity.

I had a great time at the Naval ROTC Ball, which my dad took pleasure in having been a Naval officer. More importantly, I enjoyed the family time that we shared. Sadly, I didn't realize how precious it was. Although he didn't say it often, these special family outings were our dad's way of showing how much he loved us. 

*A repost from the 2012 A to Z Challenge.

My Sweet 16 at an X-Rated Movie Theater

                                                             

   

In September 2011, IWSG founder and A to Z co-host, Alex J. Cavanaugh created the "Worst Movies Ever" Blogfest. This is a repost of my extraordinary extracurricular activities.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

My first job was at a concession stand at a movie theater when I was 15. My best friend was working as a cashier, and called me to come in for an interview. I said that I was 16, and after the manager asked me a few quick math problems, I was hired on the spot. The theater was packed as the Jeff Bridges and Jessica Lange version of King Kong had just come out for Christmas. 

These were the days before calculators when you had to add up all the prices in your head, but I still managed to shovel in plenty of popcorn in between customers. Once after working a double shift complete with enough popcorn for lunch and dinner, my favorite usher took me aside to tell me that he could see his reflection in my nose.

After King Kong left the building, we were inundated with one bad movie after another. I can't remember all of the titles, but they were loosely based on classic children's stories with a twist. The first movie that comes to mind is Pinocchio,  but this version was rated X. Yes, the respectable family movie theater decided to try out some X-rated films. Of course my parents didn't mind that I was working there. After all, a paycheck was a paycheck. 


                                                                                   

Some of the other pornographic fairy tales included Alice In Wonderland where Alice plays an innocent librarian  who meets up with a rabbit, and Goldilocks and The Three Bares.

Unfortunately, I had to remove the Alice and Goldilocks posters.  I wish that I could provide more information about these movies. I just remember the ushers making a special effort to sweep up the theater several times throughout these showings. They were exuberant in their quest to pick up every extra kernel of popcorn. Fortunately, no one was caught exasperating in the balcony.

I never actually sat through any of these films, as I was too busy minding the Junior Mints. But I did catch a glimpse of Pinocchio telling a lie, and quickly walked out when I realized his nose wasn't growing. 

Wally The Worrywart

Wally the worrywart,
Would waste the day away.
Warding off suspicious germs,
With Lysol he would spray.

Wanda the wild woman,
Worked at the strip club.
Waitressing in flimsy attire,
While serving up watered-down grub.

Warbling was her true passion,
Wishing for a clean slate.
Winking strangers made advances,
Wanda never took the bait.

Wally was stuck at a stoplight,
Wiping off a spot on his console.
Wanda didn't see the light change,
When her car began to roll.

Wrestling to pull them free,
Wary that they'd survive.
Weakened by the crash,
Willful to stay alive.

Whilst visiting in the hospital,
Waiting for their bandages to unravel.
Wally and Wanda shared common interests,
Whistling birds: love of travel.

Whiplash brought them together,
Wacky as it may sound,
Worrywart and wild woman prove,
Wanderlust has no bounds.

(in80dates.com)

The Vanity Game

                                                           

         
                                                                   

A heavyset man walks out of the shower at the gym. After he finishes drying off, he throws the towel on the floor, and starts walking toward his locker. Then he bumps into an acquaintance, and proceeds to have a lengthy conversation with him, and two other clothed men.

Forty five minutes later, a young man barges in with a TV crew. He approaches the naked man and says, "You're it!" The man looks for a towel, and tries to cover up with a dirty sweat sock from the floor. "Oh, don't worry about that. We'll just shoot you from above the waist. Will somebody bring him a towel? Doesn't mean I need to look at it though." The camera starts rolling, as the conversation continues.

Naked Guy: What's going on?

Host: This is a pilot for a new game show that's a combination of  Candid Camera, Punk'd, and America's Funniest Home Videos.

Naked Guy: (tightening his towel)  I don't feel comfortable being seen without my clothes on.

Host: That's funny 'cause we know you've been talking to your buddies over here wearing nothing but deodorant. And this isn't the first time. We have footage of you for months on end. Some days you just head right to the showers, and don't even pretend to workout.

Naked Guy: How do you know all this? Who sent you here?

(Camera pans to the door as his wife walks in. She's all decked out in designer yoga attire, shiny bling, and a spray tan.)

Vanessa: Hello Victor.

Naked Guy: I knew this was a setup. What do you want from me?

Vanessa: Just keep embarrassing yourself, and when you win the prize I'll give you a divorce.

Host: What are you planning on doing with the prize money Vanessa?

Vanessa: Oh a nip here, a tuck there. Victor says I don't need these things, but what does he know? He's all washed up. (the crew laughs)

Naked Guy: Look at her. She's already beautiful. Her vanity has gotten the best of her.

Vanessa: I'm not vain, I'm practical. And what about you?

Naked Guy: I'm standing here naked in front of millions of viewers. There's not a vain bone in my body.

Host: Well, let's not forget this is cable...

Vanessa: What about all of your manscaping? You could spend hours plucking and trimming your chest, but you let your ear hair run wild.

Naked Guy: After my lousy haircut grows out, you won't even see my ear hair.

Vanessa: But I'll know it's there. And what about all of your facials, as well as your weekly pedicures?

Naked Guy: Well look at me. You know I can barely reach my toes. I just try to look nice for you.

Vanessa: Then why did we join a health club if you won't even use the equipment?

Naked Guy: I knew YOU wanted to join. I tried a few times, but I started huffing and puffing so loudly that I thought I was going to explode. Not to mention how much I was sweating. Even old ladies laughed at me when I had trouble keeping up with them on the treadmill.  I didn't want to drag my vivacious wife down with me. (Vanessa moves closer, and takes his hand.)

Host: Okay, we are done here people. (motions to crew) Stop rolling.

Vanessa: So did I win the prize?

Host: You won big time, and it's all wrapped up in that nice, fluffy towel.

Ursula Undressed

Ursula undressed in front of her man,
Unaware of his weakened heart.
Ugly expression came over his face,
Uncontrollably he started to fart.

Utterly inconsolable, he begged her to stay,
Upping her usual expensive fee.
Ursula agreed to turn the other cheek,
Ultimately this would set her free.

Upon continuing where they left off,
Unexpected knocking at their door.
Uri demanded to see his cheating wife,
Utterly enraged, as his head hit the floor.

Uri  and Ursula cleared out his room,
United in carrying out their plan.
Urgently piling up all of his cash,
Unbeknownst to this comatose man.

Unabashedly Uri expressed his love,
Ushering Ursula to run off with him.
Unwilling to take no for an answer,
Ursula grabbed the lamp on a whim.

Undertaker cleaned up her dirty mess,
Untidiness was never her intention.
Utilizing her wealth to go it alone,
Uncoupling was a divine intervention

For Stephen: Ursula Undressed (With thanks to Penny and Gary)

Ode To "T"

Trample on my heart,
Trespass on my soul.
Twisting our love apart.
Tragedy takes its toll.

Trips we'd never take,
Trails we'd never follow.
Treaties cool, half-baked,
Tender tones, are only borrowed.

Tales of days long past,
Trigger tears of sorrow.
Truth is, it would never last,
Trapped inside, the treachery of tomorrow.