Friday, April 24, 2015

Ursula Undressed













Ursula undressed in front of her man,
Unaware of his weakened heart.
Ugly expression came over his face,
Uncontrollably he started to fart.

Utterly inconsolable, he begged her to stay,
Upping her usual expensive fee.
Ursula agreed to turn the other cheek,
Ultimately this would set her free.

Upon continuing where they left off,
Unexpected knocking at their door.
Uri demanded to see his cheating wife,
Utterly enraged, as his head hit the floor.

Uri  and Ursula cleared out his room,
United in carrying out their plan.
Urgently piling up all of his cash,
Unbeknownst to this comatose man.

Unabashedly Uri expressed his love,
Ushering Ursula to run off with him.
Unwilling to take no for an answer,
Ursula grabbed the lamp on a whim.

Undertaker cleaned up her dirty mess,
Untidiness was never her intention.
Utilizing her wealth to go it alone,
Uncoupling was a divine intervention

For Stephen: Ursula Undressed (With thanks to Penny and Gary)



36 comments:

  1. This was excellent Julie made me smile this Friday morning.
    Yvonne.

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  2. U nailed it, Julie! This hilarious scenario reminded me of a recent episode of Grimm in which a Wesen that had the ability to morph from male to female picked up men in bars, killed them in a hotel room and fled the scene "together."

    Have a great weekend, my new friend!

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  3. Well done Julie, another winner. I am so enjoying your poems. They must be taking quite a while to write.

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  4. Good for Ursula...got the cash and got rid of the creep.

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  5. Ursula is quite a devil-woman, isn't she? This reminds me of another Beatles song called Maxwell Silver Hammer. I think you should be made an honorary sister of the Fab Four. But what will your mother say about the old man farting?

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    Replies
    1. Gorilla - I forgot to mention you were right about my mom. She considers "fart" to be the worst F-word ever! You have a memory like an elephant, Gorilla!

      Julie

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  6. Goes to prove, when you have the dough, hire a few bodyguards lol

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  7. If you have the dough, you should be wary where you stick it. There's always someone willing to go the extra mile to get it.

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  8. She was a nasty one, she was.

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  9. Julie, we need to talk. I think the AtoZ has pulled you to the dark side. I did like reading it, though. Maybe I've been pulled that direction, too. :-)

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  10. So she offed them both and ran off with the cash? That wasn't nice.

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  11. I was going to say you out did yourself on this poem, but I need to say you undid it - stay with the U theme. Uncanny!!!

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  12. You'd think farting would be a deal-breaker.

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    Replies
    1. A wind-breaker anyway.

      ~ D-FensDogG

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    2. Have you boys met yet? I think you'd become best buds! Very funny Al and Stephen!

      Julie

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  13. LOL! I love the ending.
    Excellent U usage.

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  14. Hi Julie .. loved this and I've just emailed a friend called Ursula .. I like Lee's comment ... as too Joanne's ... Uncanny and you've Undid it!! cheers Hilary

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  15. Sounds like a praying mantis

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  16. That. Was. Awesome. Thank you for sharing!

    I loved climbing trees as a kid. We had a thicket in the field behind our house, and I'd spend hours climbing the trees in there. Until the day I fell. And landed on the barbed wire fence and knocked the wind out of me. I climbed a little bit after that, but it wasn't ever quite the same.

    Hi from Nagzilla bloghopping A to Z

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  17. Doggone-it. No pictures again!

    Come on GEM JULIE, give the people what they want. (Well, THIS people, anyway.)

    ~ Stephen

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    Replies
    1. Stephen - It only took ten hours, but Ursula has finally arrived. Of course, Penny and Gary helped with her travel arrangements! I knew you'd want a photo, but it had to be just right!

      Julie

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  18. You only took four lines before I'm LOLing ! Good thing Ursula had an unused cheek to turn...freedom depended on it.
    Sue at CollectInTexas Gal
    AtoZ 2015 Challenge
    Minion for AJ's wHooligans

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  19. Oh my goodness, this is hilarious! Great job, Julie! :D

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  20. Hi human, Julie,

    U have the pawetry that impresses this pawetic dog. My alleged human, Gary, thought you meant "Ursula Undress" and her bikini scene in a James Bond movie. My human is crazy. As for U, U is well funny. Arf!

    Pawsitive wishes,

    Penny :)

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    Replies
    1. Penny and Gary - I just wanted to thank you for reminding me about the "other" Ursula! Her presence will surely upgrade my poem!

      Julie

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  21. Yvonne - Thank you so much!

    Shady - Sounds like a pretty creepy episode, especially when they left "together." I'm sure that I would've liked it too. Thank you, my new friend Shady!

    Rhonda - I really enjoy writing them, and it's nice that I could jot them down without a computer. Thanks Rhonda!

    Delores - Two creeps, but who's counting?!

    Gorilla - I just listened to Maxwell Silver Hammer again, and I liked it even more this time around. I would love to be an "honorary member of the fab four!" By the way, was this one of Paul's bathroom ballads?! Thanks Gorilla!

    Pat - Yes, you always need a few just in case!

    Robin - Spoken in the true spirit of a 1950's gangster's moll! Yep, you gotta keep that dough good and safe see! Hahaha!

    Ruth - I couldn't agree more!

    Lee - I was always in the shadows, but now I've definitely crossed over. Is it hot in here, or is it just me?

    Julie



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  22. That was an awesome story, I don't know who I was rooting for :P

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  23. This is great! Love this poem and Ursula is one bad gal even though she had to deal with all the farts:)

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  24. Alex - Ursula was bad through and through!

    Joanne - "Undid" and "uncanny" describe Ursula perfectly! You always crack me up, Joanne! Thank you!

    J. Lenni - Thank you so much!

    Hilary - Lee and Joanne were in rare form! Say "hi" to your friend Ursula for me! Thanks Hilary!

    Jo - She does have Praying Mantis tendencies! Great call Jo!

    Nagzilla - Thank you for the unique childhood memory!

    Sue - I doubt that she had any "unused" parts! Hahaha! Thank you, Sue!

    Daisy - I'm glad this made you smile! Thanks Daisy!

    Penny - Ah, Ursula Andress aka Honey Ryder! That's funny! Now why didn't I think of that? Thanks Penny and Gary!

    Julie

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  25. Michael - Well, the undertaker was helpful at least! Thanks Michael!

    Birgit - This explains why she became so unbalanced! Thanks Birgit!

    Julie

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  26. Unbelievable unexpected twist that left my heart undulating as I rooted for Ursula!

    :) Wickedly clever!

    Sent with smiles, Jenny, Pearson Report
    2015 A to Z Challenge Ambassador
    @PearsonReport

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  27. You nailed a new level of creative with this outrageously unexpected series of events and all the specific wording -e.g.,"turn the other cheek." Seems a shame Ursula didn't get under the Undertaker for one final bumping of uglies before going at it unabashedly alone.
    This is among your absolute best, Julie!

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  28. Oops!

    I stand corrected.

    Thanks, GEM JULIE - you dun good!

    ~ D-FensDogG

    POSTSCRIPT: Almost missed this. Glad I didn't!

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  29. Jenny - I'm glad this "left your heart undulating!" You are too funny, Jenny!

    Robyn - Ursula and the Undertaker could have taken their relationship to the next level, but it was ultimately just a business arrangement. Thanks for always upstaging me, Robyn! Hahahah! You are way too kind!

    Stephen - Thanks for not giving up on me!

    Julie

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  30. I think that made me laugh more than it should have. ;P

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