Friday, April 3, 2015

Courage in Constipation














The pain was throbbing.
From side to back.
Sharp and piercing.
All systems under attack.

It hurt to stand,
Or sit or walk.
Suddenly stooped over,
Mouth tasted like chalk.

Off to the hospital,
What could it be?
Was it her gallbladder?
Or did she need an appendectomy?

After hours of tests,
They handed her a bottle.
"Drink this for constipation.
It will have you moving full throttle."

Surrounded by gun shot wounds,
Burn victims and battered hos.
She became known in the ER,
As the girl who couldn't go.


Posted by at
Labels: , ,

70 comments:

  1. Pearson ReportApril 3, 2015 at 1:02 AM

    OMG - that is too much! I'm not sure if I should laugh myself silly or feel bad for the girl.

    What a great C post…

    Sent with smiles, Jenny, Pearson Report
    2015 A to Z Challenge Ambassador
    @PearsonReport

    PS, you've been mentioned in my C post… drop round and have a peek.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empty Nest InsiderApril 3, 2015 at 11:56 AM

      Jenny - Just keep on laughing! Thanks so much for the shout-out on your hysterical blog! You deserve a special funniest ambassador award!

      Julie

      Delete
  2. nashvillecats2April 3, 2015 at 1:45 AM

    Never thouught about writing a poem about constipation, but you have done an excellent job, Great poem Julie.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empty Nest InsiderApril 3, 2015 at 11:57 AM

      Yvonne - I hope that's one problem you never have to worry about. Thanks Yvonne!

      Julie

      Delete
  3. Duncan D. Horne - the Kuantan bloggerApril 3, 2015 at 2:06 AM

    This is brilliant Julie! Thanks for dropping by my blog earlier!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empty Nest InsiderApril 3, 2015 at 11:59 AM

      Duncan - It was great learning more about Dan Brown's books! Thank YOU, Duncan!

      Julie

      Delete
  4. Rhonda AlbomApril 3, 2015 at 3:10 AM

    LOL - I am glad I didn't read the title first, the surprise towards the end was the best part.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empty Nest InsiderApril 3, 2015 at 12:01 PM

      Rhonda - Oh, I wish I had thought of it! Thanks for always being on your toes, Rhonda!

      Julie

      Delete
  5. Starting Over, Accepting Changes - MaybeApril 3, 2015 at 3:28 AM

    One word, Fiber.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empty Nest InsiderApril 3, 2015 at 12:03 PM

      Arleen - Sometimes too much fiber can have a reverse effect, or is it affect? No time to check, I have a seder tonight!

      Julie

      Delete
  6. Hilary Melton-ButcherApril 3, 2015 at 4:43 AM

    Hi Julie - I thought this was another of your mother's stories .. my Ma and I had hilarious conversations about number ones and number twos .. couldn't remotely tell them here ... we were often in hysterics ... and oh yes it hurts ... thankfully I rarely suffer ---- cheers Hilary

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empty Nest InsiderApril 3, 2015 at 12:05 PM

      Hilary - No, my mom has the day off today; however she will be making a cameo tomorrow! You and your Ma had such a wonderful relationship, and I know how much you miss her.

      Julie

      Delete
  7. Alex J. CavanaughApril 3, 2015 at 5:13 AM

    How horrible!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empty Nest InsiderApril 3, 2015 at 12:06 PM

      Alex - It could have been much worse. Thanks for making so much time to stop by, Alex. I told you that I'm giving you a special pass during A to Z.

      Julie

      Delete
  8. Al PenwasserApril 3, 2015 at 5:57 AM

    Years ago, I was terribly constipated. You may found this hard to believe, but I shared this with my coworkers (yeah, anything for a laugh). Anyway, the guys in my shop started a pool for "when the lieutenant would be able to dump." As each day went on, the pot grew bigger (as did my discomfort). Then after nearly a week, they saw me suddenly stop what I was doing, look up like a prairie dog, and dash away. At least the winner bought us lunch. But, no one used that bathroom for the rest of the day.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Al PenwasserApril 3, 2015 at 5:58 AM

    This is one of the main reasons I love Raisin Bran (aka "Nature's Broom," "Colon Blow").
    Yeah, TMI.
    You're welcome.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empty Nest InsiderApril 3, 2015 at 12:09 PM

      Al - At least you got a free lunch out of it! Seriously, it must have been extremely painful at the time. Glad the Raisin Bran has been helping ever since, and we both know there's no such thing as TMI when it comes to "Colon Blow!" Thanks Al!

      Julie

      Delete
  10. AnonymousApril 3, 2015 at 6:09 AM

    Funny poem....not so funny situation. Glad they gave her the 'master blaster' for her problem.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empty Nest InsiderApril 3, 2015 at 12:10 PM

      Delores - Yes, the good old reliable 'master blaster!' You always crack me up, Delores!

      Julie

      Delete
  11. Rosalind AdamApril 3, 2015 at 6:16 AM

    Hilarious and very apt poem for the start of the Passover!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empty Nest InsiderApril 3, 2015 at 12:11 PM

      Rosalind - Hahaha! You are absolutely right! Have a very happy Passover, Rosalind!

      Julie

      Delete
  12. Pat HattApril 3, 2015 at 6:59 AM

    lol and after a bit i'm sure she was pleased to have a good umm crap

    ReplyDelete
  13. LizaApril 3, 2015 at 7:27 AM

    Funny! Although as one who had surgery for an intestinal blockage years ago, I had to wince.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empty Nest InsiderApril 3, 2015 at 12:14 PM

      Liza - Sorry that you had to have surgery. Hope you're doing better now, Liza.

      Julie

      Delete
  14. RuthApril 3, 2015 at 7:28 AM

    Sadly, I have been there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empty Nest InsiderApril 3, 2015 at 12:16 PM

      Ruth - I hope it is not an ongoing occurrence for you, as I know how painful it can be.
      Take care of yourself, Ruth.

      Julie

      Delete
    2. RuthApril 3, 2015 at 12:44 PM

      Gluten and I have decided we just can't be friends. As long as I don't eat any, I'm OK. Thanks.

      Delete
  15. GreenpatchesApril 3, 2015 at 7:36 AM

    Groan! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empty Nest InsiderApril 3, 2015 at 12:17 PM

      Greenpatches - After lots of moaning and groaning it was worth it in the end...so I've heard.

      Julie

      Delete
  16. Chrys FeyApril 3, 2015 at 7:53 AM

    Constipation is not fun. Haha!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Chrys FeyApril 3, 2015 at 7:53 AM

    Constipation is not fun. Haha!

    ReplyDelete
  18. bettyApril 3, 2015 at 8:04 AM

    Visiting from the A/Z Challenge; LOL with this poem, but if you can't go, it can cause lots of pain indeed!

    betty

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empty Nest InsiderApril 3, 2015 at 12:20 PM

      Betty - It's always better to do everything possible to prevent it from getting to that point. Fiber, exercise. and lots of water are a great start. Hope you're having fun with the challenge!

      Julie

      Delete
  19. Dixie@dcreliefApril 3, 2015 at 8:41 AM

    Better out then in, (smile). Great poem!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empty Nest InsiderApril 3, 2015 at 12:20 PM

      Dixie - You are absolutely right! Thanks Dixie!

      Julie

      Delete
  20. LD MastersonApril 3, 2015 at 9:12 AM

    I'm hurting for you and laughing at the same time. Great "C" post.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empty Nest InsiderApril 3, 2015 at 12:21 PM

      LD - Well, the laughing part is good! Thanks LD!

      Julie

      Delete
  21. Zannie RoseApril 3, 2015 at 9:53 AM

    thank you for providing a smile

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empty Nest InsiderApril 3, 2015 at 12:22 PM

      Zannie - We have to smile about these things! Thanks Zannie!

      Julie

      Delete
  22. Rawknrobyn.blogspot.comApril 3, 2015 at 10:43 AM

    You could spin any topic into a fun poem, Julie.
    This reminds me of a time when I thought I was having a heart-attack, the pain was so bad. Turned out, it was just gas.

    On a - hopefully - completely unrelated note, have a wonderful Pesach meal. =)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empty Nest InsiderApril 3, 2015 at 12:25 PM

      Robyn - That had to be pretty scary at the time. Glad it was just a false alarm. It might not be unrelated, but have a wonderful Pesach too! I'm having my family over for a seder tonight, so I best be off cooking. Hope you'll be having some delicious chocolate matzo, Robyn!

      Julie

      Delete
  23. cleemckenzieApril 3, 2015 at 11:16 AM

    Here's to full throttle! <B

    ReplyDelete
  24. JoApril 3, 2015 at 11:36 AM

    Eat lots of leafy greens.

    ReplyDelete
  25. BirgitApril 3, 2015 at 12:57 PM

    One needs prune juice-The warrior drink for Klingons:) I have been there and it is not fun. Your poem made me crack up

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empty Nest InsiderApril 4, 2015 at 2:34 AM

      Birgit - Prune juice is a "warrior drink!" If only I was brave enough to try it. Thanks Birgit!

      Julie

      Delete
  26. Dawn M. HamsherApril 3, 2015 at 3:00 PM

    Oh my word, that was funny! Hopefully the meds will make you go "amain" - my word of the week. :0)
    The Write Soil

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empty Nest InsiderApril 4, 2015 at 2:40 AM

      Dawn - Actually you can buy a bottle at the drugstore without a prescription. It's good to the last drop! Hahaha!

      Julie

      Delete
  27. Mark KoopmansApril 3, 2015 at 4:22 PM

    I also wrote on Courage, Julie, but you win for the Constipation award :)

    That was a fun read - you must have had a giggle or six while writing this no-go poem :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empty Nest InsiderApril 4, 2015 at 2:45 AM

      Mark - Thanks for such a wonderful honor! I suppose I'll hang it on the bathroom wall with the rest of my constipation awards! I'm sure your post on Courage was much better, Mark!

      Julie

      Delete
  28. Matthew MacNishApril 3, 2015 at 5:00 PM

    Hah! This is great.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empty Nest InsiderApril 4, 2015 at 2:48 AM

      Matthew - I really had fun writing it! Thanks Matthew!

      Julie

      Delete
  29. Susan Gourley/KelleyApril 3, 2015 at 5:29 PM

    LOL. That would be embarrassing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empty Nest InsiderApril 4, 2015 at 2:51 AM

      Susan - Talk about being caught with your pants down! I'm sure the ER doctors had seen worse!

      Julie

      Delete
  30. Susan KaneApril 3, 2015 at 7:21 PM

    Constipation--we've all been there. This was awesome.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empty Nest InsiderApril 4, 2015 at 2:53 AM

      Susan - As long as we don't make a habit of it! Thanks Susan!

      Julie

      Delete
  31. SuzyApril 3, 2015 at 8:50 PM

    Oh dear that was funny but glad that a bottle of something was enough to cure. Nicely done in verse.
    Dropping by from the AtoZ
    Suzy at Someday Somewhere

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empty Nest InsiderApril 4, 2015 at 2:26 PM

      Suzy - These products carry a lot of sodium in them, so it's best to use them sparingly. I hope you're enjoying A to Z as much as I am! Thanks Suzy!

      Julie

      Delete
  32. CherdoApril 3, 2015 at 9:56 PM

    Road block! Very uncomfortable; reminds me of a post-op period that didn't go so well, ha ha.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empty Nest InsiderApril 4, 2015 at 2:27 PM

      Cherdo - I hate when that happens. Hope you're feeling much better now, Cherdo.

      Julie

      Delete
  33. UnknownApril 3, 2015 at 9:58 PM

    oh dear oh dear
    not to go...
    https://faeriembassy.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empty Nest InsiderApril 4, 2015 at 2:29 PM

      Sandra - At least the story has a happy ending.

      Julie

      Delete
  34. D.G. HudsonApril 3, 2015 at 10:33 PM

    I can sympathize, but it's not a topic I like to discuss. With digestive problems, I've been there, but healthy eating is the cure I prefer. Fiber is a fact of life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Empty Nest InsiderApril 4, 2015 at 2:30 PM

      DG - Healthy eating is definitely the way to go! Hope your digestive tract continues to run smoothly.

      Julie

      Delete
  35. BevimusApril 5, 2015 at 2:31 PM

    Ha! That ending totally got me!

    ReplyDelete
  36. Debra She Who SeeksApril 6, 2015 at 7:41 AM

    So when someone tells you that you're full of crap, it's literal?

    ReplyDelete
  37. Michelle WallaceApril 6, 2015 at 9:48 AM

    Talk about a crappy post...
    Or we could say "To go or not to go... that is the question"
    He! He!

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)