Friday, April 3, 2015

Courage in Constipation














The pain was throbbing.
From side to back.
Sharp and piercing.
All systems under attack.

It hurt to stand,
Or sit or walk.
Suddenly stooped over,
Mouth tasted like chalk.

Off to the hospital,
What could it be?
Was it her gallbladder?
Or did she need an appendectomy?

After hours of tests,
They handed her a bottle.
"Drink this for constipation.
It will have you moving full throttle."

Surrounded by gun shot wounds,
Burn victims and battered hos.
She became known in the ER,
As the girl who couldn't go.


71 comments:

  1. OMG - that is too much! I'm not sure if I should laugh myself silly or feel bad for the girl.

    What a great C post…

    Sent with smiles, Jenny, Pearson Report
    2015 A to Z Challenge Ambassador
    @PearsonReport

    PS, you've been mentioned in my C post… drop round and have a peek.

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    1. Jenny - Just keep on laughing! Thanks so much for the shout-out on your hysterical blog! You deserve a special funniest ambassador award!

      Julie

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  2. Never thouught about writing a poem about constipation, but you have done an excellent job, Great poem Julie.

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    1. Yvonne - I hope that's one problem you never have to worry about. Thanks Yvonne!

      Julie

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  3. This is brilliant Julie! Thanks for dropping by my blog earlier!

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    Replies
    1. Duncan - It was great learning more about Dan Brown's books! Thank YOU, Duncan!

      Julie

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  4. LOL - I am glad I didn't read the title first, the surprise towards the end was the best part.

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    1. Rhonda - Oh, I wish I had thought of it! Thanks for always being on your toes, Rhonda!

      Julie

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  5. Replies
    1. Arleen - Sometimes too much fiber can have a reverse effect, or is it affect? No time to check, I have a seder tonight!

      Julie

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  6. Hi Julie - I thought this was another of your mother's stories .. my Ma and I had hilarious conversations about number ones and number twos .. couldn't remotely tell them here ... we were often in hysterics ... and oh yes it hurts ... thankfully I rarely suffer ---- cheers Hilary

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    1. Hilary - No, my mom has the day off today; however she will be making a cameo tomorrow! You and your Ma had such a wonderful relationship, and I know how much you miss her.

      Julie

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  7. Replies
    1. Alex - It could have been much worse. Thanks for making so much time to stop by, Alex. I told you that I'm giving you a special pass during A to Z.

      Julie

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  8. Years ago, I was terribly constipated. You may found this hard to believe, but I shared this with my coworkers (yeah, anything for a laugh). Anyway, the guys in my shop started a pool for "when the lieutenant would be able to dump." As each day went on, the pot grew bigger (as did my discomfort). Then after nearly a week, they saw me suddenly stop what I was doing, look up like a prairie dog, and dash away. At least the winner bought us lunch. But, no one used that bathroom for the rest of the day.

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  9. This is one of the main reasons I love Raisin Bran (aka "Nature's Broom," "Colon Blow").
    Yeah, TMI.
    You're welcome.

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    1. Al - At least you got a free lunch out of it! Seriously, it must have been extremely painful at the time. Glad the Raisin Bran has been helping ever since, and we both know there's no such thing as TMI when it comes to "Colon Blow!" Thanks Al!

      Julie

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  10. Funny poem....not so funny situation. Glad they gave her the 'master blaster' for her problem.

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    1. Delores - Yes, the good old reliable 'master blaster!' You always crack me up, Delores!

      Julie

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  11. Hilarious and very apt poem for the start of the Passover!

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    1. Rosalind - Hahaha! You are absolutely right! Have a very happy Passover, Rosalind!

      Julie

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  12. lol and after a bit i'm sure she was pleased to have a good umm crap

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    1. Pat - She felt much lighter in her loafers!

      Julie

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  13. Funny! Although as one who had surgery for an intestinal blockage years ago, I had to wince.

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    1. Liza - Sorry that you had to have surgery. Hope you're doing better now, Liza.

      Julie

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  14. Replies
    1. Ruth - I hope it is not an ongoing occurrence for you, as I know how painful it can be.
      Take care of yourself, Ruth.

      Julie

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    2. Gluten and I have decided we just can't be friends. As long as I don't eat any, I'm OK. Thanks.

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  15. Replies
    1. Greenpatches - After lots of moaning and groaning it was worth it in the end...so I've heard.

      Julie

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  16. Constipation is not fun. Haha!

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  17. Constipation is not fun. Haha!

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  18. Visiting from the A/Z Challenge; LOL with this poem, but if you can't go, it can cause lots of pain indeed!

    betty

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    1. Betty - It's always better to do everything possible to prevent it from getting to that point. Fiber, exercise. and lots of water are a great start. Hope you're having fun with the challenge!

      Julie

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  19. Better out then in, (smile). Great poem!

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    1. Dixie - You are absolutely right! Thanks Dixie!

      Julie

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  20. I'm hurting for you and laughing at the same time. Great "C" post.

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    1. LD - Well, the laughing part is good! Thanks LD!

      Julie

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  21. thank you for providing a smile

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    1. Zannie - We have to smile about these things! Thanks Zannie!

      Julie

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  22. You could spin any topic into a fun poem, Julie.
    This reminds me of a time when I thought I was having a heart-attack, the pain was so bad. Turned out, it was just gas.

    On a - hopefully - completely unrelated note, have a wonderful Pesach meal. =)

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    1. Robyn - That had to be pretty scary at the time. Glad it was just a false alarm. It might not be unrelated, but have a wonderful Pesach too! I'm having my family over for a seder tonight, so I best be off cooking. Hope you'll be having some delicious chocolate matzo, Robyn!

      Julie

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  23. Replies
    1. Lee - A girl can only dream! Thanks Lee!

      Julie

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  24. Eat lots of leafy greens.

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    1. Jo - That is the best recipe for success!

      Julie

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  25. One needs prune juice-The warrior drink for Klingons:) I have been there and it is not fun. Your poem made me crack up

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    1. Birgit - Prune juice is a "warrior drink!" If only I was brave enough to try it. Thanks Birgit!

      Julie

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  26. Oh my word, that was funny! Hopefully the meds will make you go "amain" - my word of the week. :0)
    The Write Soil

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    1. Dawn - Actually you can buy a bottle at the drugstore without a prescription. It's good to the last drop! Hahaha!

      Julie

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  27. I also wrote on Courage, Julie, but you win for the Constipation award :)

    That was a fun read - you must have had a giggle or six while writing this no-go poem :)

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    1. Mark - Thanks for such a wonderful honor! I suppose I'll hang it on the bathroom wall with the rest of my constipation awards! I'm sure your post on Courage was much better, Mark!

      Julie

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  28. Replies
    1. Matthew - I really had fun writing it! Thanks Matthew!

      Julie

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  29. Replies
    1. Susan - Talk about being caught with your pants down! I'm sure the ER doctors had seen worse!

      Julie

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  30. Constipation--we've all been there. This was awesome.

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    1. Susan - As long as we don't make a habit of it! Thanks Susan!

      Julie

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  31. Oh dear that was funny but glad that a bottle of something was enough to cure. Nicely done in verse.
    Dropping by from the AtoZ
    Suzy at Someday Somewhere

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    1. Suzy - These products carry a lot of sodium in them, so it's best to use them sparingly. I hope you're enjoying A to Z as much as I am! Thanks Suzy!

      Julie

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  32. Road block! Very uncomfortable; reminds me of a post-op period that didn't go so well, ha ha.

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    1. Cherdo - I hate when that happens. Hope you're feeling much better now, Cherdo.

      Julie

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  33. Replies
    1. Sandra - At least the story has a happy ending.

      Julie

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  34. I can sympathize, but it's not a topic I like to discuss. With digestive problems, I've been there, but healthy eating is the cure I prefer. Fiber is a fact of life.

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    1. DG - Healthy eating is definitely the way to go! Hope your digestive tract continues to run smoothly.

      Julie

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  35. Ha! That ending totally got me!

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  36. So when someone tells you that you're full of crap, it's literal?

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  37. Talk about a crappy post...
    Or we could say "To go or not to go... that is the question"
    He! He!

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