My friend's neighbor Jay was summoned for jury duty. He desperately wanted to get out of it, so he called his lawyer for help. When his lawyer said there was nothing he could do, he called his brother. After Jay told him that things were hectic at work, and he couldn't possibly take time off, they decided to come up with a plan.
The brothers wrote a fictitious letter to the Jury Commissioner detailing every reason they could think of to make it physically impossible for Jay to serve as a juror. This letter described symptoms that would make the entire courtroom gasp, including everything from chronic diarrhea, to uncontrollable nose bleeds. Their doctor was a close family friend, and after several shots of Jack Daniels, he agreed to sign the letter.
A few days before jury selection, Jay was instructed to report to the judge for a personal interview. He was a nervous wreck thinking he was about to be arrested for perjury. He couldn't stop shaking as he was getting dressed, and quickly drove off to the courthouse. While he was driving, his stomach started gurgling, as he heard a police siren. He began slowing down, as the squad car went after someone else.
When he arrived in the judge's chambers, he was sweating profusely and out of breath. Then the judge took one look at him, and told him he was free to go.
Suddenly, the cloud was lifted, and he happily drove home to tell his wife. She was shaving her legs in the bathtub when he told her the good news. When she looked up at him, she screamed. He ran over to see what was wrong, and noticed his shirt collar was covered in blood. He didn't even realize that he had nicked his nose while shaving. Smiling, Jay took off his shirt and explained what had happened. Then his wife advised him to also change his pants. Apparently his stomach wasn't just gurgling.
*A repost from 2011.
I would have dismissed him too.
ReplyDeleteHis excuses were absolutely genuine in the end!
ReplyDeleteDixie - He was a sight for sore eyes, and sensitive noses!
ReplyDeleteNick - That's karma for you!
Julie
He wouldn't have been fit enought to sit on the jury, Hope he recovered quickly.
ReplyDeleteHave a good week-end.
Yvonne.
Yvonne - I'm sure that once the pressure was off, he was back to his old self.
DeleteJulie
That was a self prophesying letter for sure.
ReplyDeleteWhat he went through sounds worse than actually serving on the jury.
ReplyDeleteNeat trick to remember for next time I get called for jury duty. Heh.
ReplyDeleteHilarious!!! A good 'Jokes On You' punch line. I can see the comments are going to be funny reads, too.
ReplyDeleteYour Letter 'J' post is my Minion ShoutOut for today!
Sue at CollectInTexas Gal
AtoZ 2015 Challenge
Minion for AJ's wHooligans
Ewww. Poor guy, but at least it got him out of jury duty - if that's what he wanted.
ReplyDeleteHad to write a letter to get my husband out of jury duty, he'd just had a spine op and couldn't sit for long, but I still felt guilty!
ReplyDeleteThis is good to know...
ReplyDeleteThat seems like punishment to me for shirking his duty.
ReplyDeleteI just called and told them the truth: I homeschool. When I am away, school ceases...and it is mandatory. No problem at all!
ReplyDeleteHe was a mess! I wouldn't go to that much trouble.
ReplyDeleteI just realized that I accidentally missed Jo, Cherdo and Alex. I'm so sorry.
DeleteJo - Jay definitely got his punishment!
Cherdo - Homeschooling is a very legitimate reason. I'm sure that you make learning fun, Cherdo!
Alex - He really was a mess! He probably left a little something behind in the judges chambers too! Thanks for going out of your way to visit me during such a hectic time, Alex!
Julie
I had jury duty last fall. Took the all day to pick the jury. I got so sore sitting on that bench. Those old pews- no padding at all. Made $42. That was a good time
ReplyDeleteHi Julie - pongy .. and yughy .. wonderful story ... I was called up for Jury Service as I was leaving for South Africa, so that solved that problem .. never happened again. I'd have quite like to have had the experience to use and refer to now .. cheers Hilary
ReplyDeleteI think he would have been better off to serve on the jury. That sounded miserable.
ReplyDeleteI think he would have been better off to serve on the jury. That sounded miserable.
ReplyDeleteshame on him for trying to get out of jury duty. It can be annoying, but it's still so important to America's system.
ReplyDeleteDelores - Indeed it was!
ReplyDeleteArleen - Unless the trial dragged on and on.
Luanne - I'd bring a change of clothes with just in case!
Sue - Thank you for the shout-out! I have gotten some very funny comments throughout A to Z, and many of them have been from you! Thanks again, Sue!
Rhonda - Mission accomplished!
Carole - You shouldn't feel guilty at all. I know how difficult the recovery is for spine ops, as my mom had one, and the timing would've been terrible for your husband.
Al - Oh, I'm sure you could come up with something better if you needed to, though I could see you being one heck of a foreman on a jury!
Ruth - Sorry you were so sore. I also have a hard time sitting for long periods of time. Hopefully, you won't be called back again.
Hilary - Some cases are very interesting, while others seem never ending. Maybe you'll be called again one day. Thanks Hilary!
Julie
Being a foreman would be a hoot. I'd say "I object!" to everything.
DeleteLee - He was pretty proud of himself though!
ReplyDeleteJoanne - Try not to take it too hard, because this never really happened as far as I know! You're right about how important it is to serve on a jury, unless there are certain complications or health restrictions.
Julie
OMG:) I'd never have had the nerve.
ReplyDeleteKarma is a funny thing. Speaking of karma... you could've used this one for your "K" posting. Excellent, Julie... as always.
ReplyDeleteSandra - That's the beauty of fiction!
ReplyDeleteRobin - I have something more disturbing planned for "K!" Thanks Robin!
Julie
Oh I think I would come up with something too-just a shame he actually did have to change his pants:)
ReplyDeleteOh my.
ReplyDeleteDon't you hate it when lies come back and bite you on the bum!
ReplyDeleteHe done set hisself up and then knocked hisself down. That'll learn him.
ReplyDelete~ D-FensDogG
'Loyal American Underground'
There was some kind of poetic (in a way) justice there. As George Takei says, Oh Myyyy. Visiting from A to Z Challenge, a fellow empty nester. Alana Ramblinwithblogspot.com
ReplyDeleteOMG, I am so worried for Jay. Haha. I get affected by such stories. Anyway, have a fantastic weekend!
ReplyDeleteBirgit - Yeah, he should've toughed it out a little longer!
ReplyDeleteKaren - That's what the cleaner's said!
Rosalind - Good one, Rosalind!
Stephen - I reckon you is right, Stevereno!
Bookworm - It's nice to meet a fellow empty nester! Good point about poetic justice! Thanks Alana!
Julie
That was great. I thought maybe he was going to end up in trouble, but his own guilt saved him.
ReplyDeleteSometimes it's not what we do, it's what our sphincter muscles don't do!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by, Julie, and for the kind words :)
Haha! Sounds like he went to a lot of trouble to get excused.
ReplyDeleteI never get to do jury duty. As soon as I tell them yes I know lawyers, and a few judges and that I'm a retired paralegal... I get dismissed. You would think they would want me, but they don't. Oh well. Have a great weekend. Good word to choose.
ReplyDeletejuri duty,
ReplyDeleteinteresting post.
Cindy - He served his own guilty conscience sentence. You've hit the nail on the head, Cindy!
ReplyDeleteMark - The old sphincter muscles were asleep on the job! This was hilarious! Thanks Mark!
Daisy - Blood, sweat and ...You get the picture!
Marie - You're the gal who knew too much! This certainly comes in handy! Nice to meet you, Marie! Thanks for following me!
Rossell - Thanks for dropping in!
Julie
Haha this is a great story! Is it a real story? I hope it is - that would make it all the more amazing.
ReplyDeleteIt reminds me of an episode of 30 rock, when to get out of Jury Duty Liz Lemon dresses as Princess Leia and claims she can hear people's thoughts ;-) They let her go, if memory serves me right, because they think she's a nutjob.
LOL........the whole jury thing could really make someone that nervous I think. It's such a bad situation. You get barely enough to pay to park and most businesses do not pay you while you're not there, so you really loose out financially. I know some people say they don't register to vote because they don't want to be called to jury duty. Think we need a new system.
ReplyDeleteSandy at Bridge and Beyond
Jury duty can be a "pain" but I did serve on a jury for a felony murder charge; we never got the case to deliberate it (though I would have voted for guilty based on what I heard so far in the testimony), as the defendant took a plea on the 3rd day of the trial. After we were excused, the victim's mom thanked the jury for being willing to serve. I might never get the privilege to serve on another jury, but I know next time I get summoned, I'll go willingly.
ReplyDeletebetty
I'm thinking he'd have been better off serving on the Jury, but perhaps it's karma for his dishonesty. This was a well written comedy of errors, Julie. I'm wondering if it's true. Sometimes, it's best to just wonder, though. That's proof you tell good stories.
ReplyDeleteCeline - I do know someone who wrote a fantastic letter to get out of jury duty which this story is based on. Sadly, he just exaggerated many of the ailments that he already had, and his version was funnier. I loved 30 Rock, and I'll have to look for that episode.
ReplyDeleteSandy - How can things ever improve if the people who are most concerned won't even register to vote? It's a pretty sad state of affairs.
Betty - It must have been a very emotional experience when the victim's mom thanked you. Thanks for doing your part, Betty!
Robyn -You're a wonderful storyteller too, Robyn! Calling this a "comedy of errors" puts me in some pretty good company! Thanks Robyn!
Julie
I wish I would have known this before I had to serve on a jury. Or... maybe I don't. That's a little much, even for me.
ReplyDeleteI once knew a girl who would get her mom out of jury duty by calling the courthouse and saying her mom didn't speak any English. Worked every time. I need someone in my life that can do that for me.
B & B - Nah, you would be too great of a juror to pass up. You'd even give the courtroom sketch artists a run for their money!
DeleteJulie
This is HILARIOUS!
ReplyDeleteMakes me wonder if it was worth going through all that just to get out of serving jury duty...
I had to do jury duty once. It was really interesting and not at all scary. The story made me laugh.
ReplyDeleteI loved jury duty- so interesting. The guy got his just "desserts" didn't he!
ReplyDelete