Geezers With Gonorrhea

                                                                           

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Just when you thought all of your worries were over after your kids have graduated from college, and your parents have settled into retirement homes, studies remind us how naive we've been. As oncologist and vice-provost at the University of Pennsylvania, Ezekiel Emanuel wrote in The New York Times, "Combine retirement communities, longer life, unfamiliarity with condoms and Viagra - and what do you get? You get an STD epidemic among the social security generation that rivals what we imagine is happening in those 'Animal House' fraternities."

According to The Australian, due to the high volume of retirees living in Florida, "Sexually promiscuous older men have been dubbed 'condo cowboys." They obviously have no problem getting back on the saddle again, but it's a lot quicker to just hop on the elevator.

Healthline cited some disturbing statistics,"Unfortunately, sexually transmitted diseases are rising among adults 55 and up as well. AARP accounts that in a recent five-year period, reported cases of both syphilis and chlamydia increased 43 percent. In areas with large retirement communities, reported cases of these STD's increased twice as quickly as the national average."

Thoughts immediately started racing through my head about poor, innocent Mom. It really didn't set my mind at ease knowing that her nickname in assisted living is "Gorgeous." Maybe I had nothing to worry about, as my mom always picked apart the men, and said that none of them were her type. She also does everything in her power to ward off germs, and has a bottle of Purel attached to her walker at all times. Nonetheless, I decided to call her with these startling statistics.

After I filled her in on the spike of STD's in senior housing, she assured me that she was perfectly safe. She promised to continue to ward off any inappropriate advances, if I promised not to bring over a banana for a demonstration.