Wednesday, November 27, 2013

A Very Polyamorous Thanksgivukkah

Gothukkah poster. Photos courtesy of Dana Gitell
jewishjournal.com


I decided to give my husband an early Hanukkah present, and he couldn't have been more delighted. My husband met the woman who would change our lives at our synagogue during Saturday morning Shabbat services. Soon she began saving a seat for him, and they would join in prayer while I slept in. They shared many common interests like bike riding, and going to sporting events. Our boys loved her cooking, and enjoyed her vast knowledge of sports trivia. She even impressed my mom, "Why can't you make a left turn without a stoplight? We're never late when your husband's lover takes me to appointments, and she brings better snacks. Oh, and that soft, silky skin. The woman simply glows. You know, I don't think I ever gave your husband enough credit."  It was time to take the next step.

She officially moved in with us a few weeks ago. We quickly settled into a comfortable routine. When our son came home for Thanksgivukkah break, she didn't mind going from room to room gathering up his clothing. She even convinced him to make his bed without raising her voice. Our son was thrilled that she made all of his favorite dishes for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It stung a little the first time he called her mom and me Mrs. Pick, but I was too full to fret over it.

Since she was busy cooking, cleaning, and raising our son, I had to bring something to the table. I thought long and hard about what I could contribute to our polyamorous relationship. As she was preparing our Thanksgivukkah feast, I generously offered to give her the night off.

After our son went out for the evening, I invited our husband upstairs while I casually slipped into my sexy long flannel nightgown with matching tube socks. Then I put on his favorite TV shows, and was ready for action. Each time he said 'what' or 'hmm..,' I delivered the actor's lines with reckless abandon. I even watched him play with the remote while he cranked up the volume. Earlier in the day I had his polyamorous partner carry up the mini fridge from the basement where I loaded it with his favorite food, and drink. He couldn't have been happier, as he lay giggling in our king size buffet.

Strange thoughts started going through my head while I tossed and turned. How were we going to arrange our cemetery plots? The odds were that I would die first. Would I simply be cast aside at one end of the cemetery, while they would spend eternity together?  And if our husband went first, would she continue to cook, clean, and move furniture around for me? Were we destined to become a couple of old maids together though she was technically older, and a much better maid?

Just as I was about to drift off into sleep, I woke up in a cold sweat to the sound of the burglar alarm. I ran downstairs, and almost tripped on our son's hat, gloves and shoes that were sprinkled like bread crumbs leading to the back door. The wind had blown the garage door open which set off the alarm while the boys slept. There was no polyamorous Mary Poppins to clean up the mess, and phone the alarm company. I didn't get my Thanksgivukkah wish after all. Boy was my mom going to be disappointed.



34 comments:

  1. LOL! You had me wondering there for a minute.

    Happy Thanksgivukkah to you and your family.

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  2. I was just reading about these "open" marriages this morning. Confusing boundaries for sure. Hmmm, but if she'd do the dishes and clean the floors...

    And Happy Thanksgivukkah, Julie! What a combo. :)

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  3. I knew that there was a punch line to this story... I just had no idea where it was going. ::still smiling::

    Happy Thanksgivukkah! This is a special year for certain!!!

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  4. I was starting to worry about you!
    Have a great Thanksgiving. Even if you have to do all the work yourself.

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  5. As long as she was willing to cook and clean I'd be fine with it...more than fine actually.

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  6. ha ha - I too was starting to worry about you. Wasn't sure if we'd have to haul you away to the loony bin or what. I figured it had to be too good to be true!

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  7. Well, my heart was beating with this story. Couldn't work out where it was going to end as it takes all sorts to make a world. Phew, but glad it was a dream as I thought I'd have to turn into Counsellor RPD, ha ha ha.

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  8. She just seemed to good to be real. Who could live with such perfection. I loved the story.

    Happy Thankgivukkah

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  9. Playing with his...remote.
    That's more like it.

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  10. Priceless! I love some of the lines... like the "sexy flannel nightgown and tube socks". You crack me up.

    Happy Thanksgiving & Happy Hanukkah, too. (I don't like that new-fangled combo word!)

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  11. Happy Thanksgiving!! Happy Hanukkah!!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks JJ! Wishing you and your family a very happy Thanksgiving!

      Julie

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  12. Carol - Thank you, and happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

    L.G. - There are definitely some perks to these kind of relationships! Happy Thanksgiving to you, and your family!

    Robin - It was too good to be true! Thanks Robin, and happy Thanksgiving to you, and yours!

    Alex - We're going to my aunt and uncle's house, so it will be a wonderful holiday! Happy Thanksgiving to you, and your wife.

    Delores - A girl can dream! Wishing you, and your family a happy Thanksgiving!

    Mary - There are plenty of other reasons to haul me away, but like the Presidential turkey, I am pardoned this year! Happy and healthy Thanksgiving Mary!

    Rum-Punch Drunk - Don't take down your counselor shingle just yet. I'm sure that I'll need your services sooner or later!

    Yvonne - She would probably get on my nerves after a while, but all of her cooking and cleaning would make up for it! Thank you, and happy Thanksgiving Yvonne!

    Al - I had to throw something in there that you could relate to! Happy Thanksgiving to all of the Penwasser's!

    Susan - I hope that you didn't need to take a cold shower after reading this! Thank you, and happy Thanksgiving to you and your family!

    Julie


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  13. You wrote a trickster on us didn't you? You had me going.

    Happy Thanksgivukkah!
    Shelly

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  14. I am still in shock. Now I know better than to worry about you. You are some writer. My- - - so realistic.

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  15. Shelly - Just a little holiday fun! Thanks Shelly, and happy Thanksgivukkah to you, and your family!

    Munir - Thanks for making my day! Hope you have a very happy Thanksgiving!

    Julie

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  16. Hi, Julie. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family!

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    1. Thanks Susanne, and the same to you and yours!

      Julie

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  17. You have to stop eating right before bed - it's giving you nightmares.

    Happy Thanksgivukkah to you and you not-so-polyamorous family. lol

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  18. Oops and I was starting to wake up with anticipation with this story. Some fun and quite a bit to handle at two in the morning. Nice one, Julie.

    I do hope that Thanksgivukkah was a peaceful time, my friend.

    Gary :)

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  19. Glad it was a dream, although I didn't think you would put up with the other women at all, let alone moving in :)
    Happy Thanksgiving.

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  20. Lexa - I have to stop WRiTING before I go to bed! Thank you, and I hope that you have a great weekend!

    Gary - I know that you can handle anything! Thanks Gary, and I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

    Rhonda - Oh, but this wasn't just any woman! Thanks Rhonda, and have fun with your family!

    Julie

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  21. Wwhat a relief... although I did suspect! Happy Chanukah :-)

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  22. Too funny, I kept reading hoping there was going to be an "ahhhaa!" moment and you didn't disappoint. Fun!

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  23. Rosalind - I'm glad that YOU are relieved! Thanks, and happy Chanukah to you, and yours Rosalind!

    Julie - Thanks so much! Hope you and your family had a nice Thanksgiving!

    Julie

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  24. Silly lady! Tube socks and sexy lingerie - I've tried that one too. But I finally figured out it's probably not an effective combination.

    I love your fun-filled twist endings.
    Happy Hanukkah, Julie.
    xoRobyn

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    1. Robyn - I respectfully disagree, as tube socks are all the rage with sexy FLANNEL nightgowns! Thanks Robyn, and a very happy Hanukkah to you!

      Julie

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  25. Hi Julie .. you do manage to dream up the most incredible stories .. do you have dress rehearsals to see if your dream will work ... and how long do these plays last?! What great fun .. I'm sure you had the bestest of Thanksgiving and Hanukkah wrapped into one .. your lawyer qualified son could dream up some contracts about tripping over hats I'm sure .. cheers Hilary

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    1. Hi Hilary - We haven't had any dress rehearsals, or even held interviews for the position. Sadly, we're very boring that way. I'm not sure if my son is laughing with me, or at me, so I just hope for the best. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving/Haunukkah celebration! Thank you Hilary!

      Julie

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  26. LOL LOL I cracked up at your Mom's comments and the last line was my favorite. Like others I also love the flannel nightgown and tube socks. :D

    Hope you & your family had a great time for the holidays, Julie.

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    1. Julie - I can always count on my mom to liven up my stories! Thanks for appreciating my unique taste in sleepwear! We enjoyed the holidays, though they went by too fast. Looking forward to your bloghop Julie!

      Julie

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  27. I'm so glad you stopped by my blog as I see that several of my blogger friends have left comments above. I am also glad because this post is just wonderful, I really enjoyed it, and I enjoyed meeting you.

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  28. Inger - It was great meeting you too, and I look forward to getting to know you better! I'm glad that my silly story didn't scare you away. Thank you Inger!

    Julie

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