Thursday, November 21, 2013

Ladies' Room Confession

             
(bloomberg.com)

       
I was silently singing happy birthday while washing my hands in a department store restroom, when a stranger approached me. She looked like she was around my age, and felt the need to tell me that she had an accident in the stall. Naturally I assumed that she didn't get there in time due to a weak bladder, or stomach ailment. That wasn't the case. Her problem was that she "miss-aimed," and soiled her pants. 

How does a seemingly sober fifty plus year old woman "miss-aim" in a toilet? Surely she has had many years of practice. Was she trying to save time by not pulling her pants down, or did she squat instead of line the seat with toilet paper?  Should public bathrooms have instructions on the doors to prevent future accidents like this from happening?

She looked at me, as if she was waiting for a reassuring response. A friendly pat on the back, and "we've all been there," just didn't seem appropriate. Sure, I thought about asking her to become Facebook friends, but I couldn't help thinking about the next poor soul who would be doing the "slip 'n slide" in her stall.

I was pondering all of these questions, as I was trying to get the electronic paper towel dispenser to work. I tried everything from waving across the machine to banging on it with my elbow. Of course, a fresh paper towel came out on her very first try. That she knew how to do. 


 

35 comments:

  1. Some folks do share the darndest things.

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  2. Miss-aimed???? Are you sure she was a... she? That sounds more like something a guy would do. Wait. Never mind. A guy probably wouldn't care about it... or even notice. It is really weird that she felt the need to tell you about it, though. I guess you just have an open, friendly, you-can-tell-me-anything kinda face.

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  3. Maybe she was hoping that you would eyeball her up and down to see if it was obvious. I can't think of a single other reason someone would share that horrible tidbit. I don't know why people hover over the seat instead of lining it with TP when there are no "covers" available. I hope she cleaned it up. That will be an unhappy "gift" for the next user.

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  4. Susan - "Miss-aimed" was a direct quote from my new friend. I was thinking the same thing, but I didn't dare ask. I wish that my kids thought I had a "you-can-tell-me-anything kind of face!"

    Robin - I really didn't want to look. I also don't understand why she didn't take the necessary precautions. I have a feeling that she didn't invest any time in the clean-up.

    Julie

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  5. That is a one person kind of experience. Maybe she was from out somewhere else far, far away and did not know how to use American toilets. It is very strange.

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  6. I would chalk that up to things I didn't need to know...

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  7. First I was confused and then I was...still confused. Now, I'm laughing! Are you kidding????? Good grief. LOL

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  8. Hmmm....when you said she said "miss-aimed," I immediately thought she "miss-aimed" with #2 (I know...ewwww). But, if she "miss-aimed" whilst trying to attempt #1, I refer you to Susan's comment. Yep. We guys don't really care if the bathroom smells like the monkey house. Unless it's OUR monkey house.

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    1. Al - It could have been a combination, but she gave off more of a #1 vibe. Next time I will carry my glow in the dark fecal matter monitor in my purse, in case I ever run into her again. Sadly, I agree with your "monkey house" analogy.

      Julie

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  9. Yvonne - She was definitely from America, and most toilets around the world have the same concept. I do agree that it was a very strange incident.

    Alex - That's exactly how I felt!

    Empty Nester - Yes, the whole experience was confusing. The only part that I made up was that I was even considering asking her to be my Facebook friend. Glad that we both found this funny!

    Julie

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  10. T.M.I. (Too Much Information) on her part. I think I would have done something to get out of the bathroom as fast as possible. LOL.

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    1. Susanne - I wanted to, but the paper towel problem slowed me down. You're absolutely right about it being TMI!

      Julie

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    1. Susan - Maybe it's a good thing that we'll never really know the whole story. Although, with my luck we'll probably meet up again one day.

      Julie

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  12. LOL Thanks for the laughs Julie. I have written about this very topic far too many times, I have seen that sign you describe, the How to us a toilet sign.

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  13. That poor woman. That will be me in a few years. I've come close to peeing on myself while straddling the dreaded toilet seat.

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  14. Rhonda - I always get a kick out of your bathroom humor too! Thanks Rhonda!

    Libby - Maybe you should start practicing now to avoid future problems!

    Julie

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  15. I love your line about becoming facebook friends. Those are the "friends" whose status reports we keep hidden.

    Be well and shabbat shalom, Julie.
    xoRobyn

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  16. Well done with your response in a difficult situation.

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  17. Robyn - That's right because they would be too good to share, as I might need them for future blog posts! Thanks Robyn, and Shabbat Shalom to you!

    Carole - Well, I had to be nice if I didn't want chapped hands! Thanks Carole!

    Julie

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  18. I guess she was highly embarrassed probably thinking you heard her pee on the floor, or saw the pee running along the floor. Maybe her clothes were too wet so she felt she needed to fully explain herself. Poor thing, what a moment that must have been.

    If you get to ever see her again, think about whether you should stop her to say 'hello' - just in case someone says the fatal words 'where you do know her from?'

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  19. Hi Julie - honestly what a story ... I'd disappear like a scared rabbit - well I hope you did too shortly afterwards ... thanks .. I think I'll move on to another blog! Happy weekend - Hilary

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  20. Rum-Punch Drunk - She probably was embarrassed, but I honestly didn't notice anything even after she mentioned it. I would make a horrible witness. It would be funny if we ran into each other again.

    Hilary - Yes, it's best to move on to try to get this horrible image out of your head. Happy weekend to you as well!

    Julie

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  21. LOL this is definitely too much information. If I did it I'd definitely keep it to myself.

    I laughed about the paper towels! I always feel like the invisible woman with those things. I wave my hands all around and it's like I'm not there at all. Glad I'm not the only one. :D

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    1. Julie - I feel the same way. I also like your "invisible woman" analogy! I'll think of you the next time I'm having a tug of war with a paper towel dispenser!

      Julie

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  22. Thank you for your kind remarks about my children's book, Julie. Looking after my husband slows the writing process down, but hope to finish the book before Christmas.

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  23. Hello human, Julie,

    Is it my imagination or is there a toilet theme floating around the wonderful world of blogging.

    I never worry about my aim. It's a large garden out there.

    Pawsitive wishes,

    Penny the pooetic pooet...:)

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  24. Carole - Your husband is lucky to have you, and I wish him well. Hope you both have a happy Thanksgiving, and I'm sure that you'll finish in time!

    Gary - Just remember that even though Penny is quite the pooet, my story is still #1. Sorry I couldn't resist. Her poem is priceless, and sadly I never tire of the subject. I know that you probably celebrated early, but I hope that you still do something special with Tristan and Penny.

    Julie

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  25. No fan of public toilets here. I try to avoid them if I possibly can, but it's difficult to do when I'm traveling. Better an accident in the stall than in my vehicle.

    Lee
    Tossing It Out

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    1. Lee - I also used to hate using public restrooms, and now I always find out where they're located wherever I go. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family Lee!

      Julie

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