Wednesday, July 16, 2014

My Mom The Tantalizer

Could this be me?*

Recently, we were reunited with our cousins on my husband's side of the family. We hadn't seen some of the youngest cousins in a few years, and a cute little eight-year-old boy greeted me with a big hug. At first I was so excited that I immediately told his parents how sweet he was. It wasn't until later that it hit me. I was slowly turning into one of those old ladies that parents told their children to embrace at all costs, or else.

I phoned my mom immediately. Surely she would give me the loving support I needed. "Mom, did you ever get the feeling that you were getting obligatory hugs and kisses from friends and relatives of all ages?  Do men turn away to avoid eye contact while offering their cheeks for you to kiss, and do small children ever give you robotic hugs just to please their parents?"

My mom thought for a moment, and replied, "No." Then she told me how just the other day, two men in her "habitat" were fighting over her in the pool room. It got so bad that administrators had to take away their pool cues, so they were forced to play with empty paper towel rolls. These duels were becoming frequent occurrences, because of her "tantalizing green eyes."

A few days later. I drove my mom to the beauty shop. She gave the shampoo girl strict instructions before she started washing her hair. These instructions included: "I need cotton in both ears. don't mess up the make-up, and be sure not to get my eyebrows wet." Her weekly demands were being recited, as we were tying to hoist my mom up to the sink. Sometimes she uses her walker as a launch pad.

Several hours later when we were finally ready to leave, the shampoo girl gave my mom an unexpected warning. I thought for sure she was going to tell my mom off; instead, she said that she was going to kiss her. My mom politely tried to talk her out of it, but the spell was cast. She planted a big kiss on her cheek, as my mom just smiled at me, and shrugged her shoulders. Needless to say, we drove all the way home in complete silence.


*photo courtesy of blogs.voices.com


42 comments:

  1. LOL I have an aunt who gives the longest hugs at holiday gatherings. They last like 3 minutes. And then her perfume gets all over my clothes lol. I usually take a shirt to change into.

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  2. I love this story. Your mom sounds amazing. My theory is the first hug may be obligatory, but then we show them how fun, amazing, wonderful we are in spite of our advanced ages, and they come to love us, wrinkles and all!

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  3. very amusing. "those tantalizing green eyes" get 'em every time.

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  4. It's that attitude of hers that captivates. Tough gal exterior with a marshmellowy interior. Irresistible.

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  5. I come from a long line of huggers and kissers. I just love your Mom stories.

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  6. I knew I was going to love this before I even started. I love your mom stories. I was dying laughing after the dueling pool cues business and my stomach hurt when I hit the end. Then I read it to my mom. She gets away with the same sort of stuff.

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  7. Your mom is pretty special. She has a great attitude and others want to be around her.

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  8. At least she doesn't mind getting those kisses.

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  9. Delores - Yes, I suppose you're right!

    Keith - You're a good sport, and you're smart to be prepared!

    Liza - Great theory! I never thought this would happen so fast!

    Joanne - She really does have beautiful green eyes, and has less wrinkles than I do!

    Kim - I told her that you mentioned her "marshmellowy interior" and she actually cackled! Thanks Kim!

    Carol - I think it's a good thing! Thanks Carol!

    Robin - It's amazing what they're able to get away with! Thanks Robin!

    Susanne - She is the life of the party! Thanks Susanne!

    Alex - She's just generous that way!

    Julie



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  10. I reckon that boy gave you a big hug because you are soft and cuddly and remind him of his teddy bear. Children are no good at faking enthusiasm. Your mom sounds as if she needs a chaperone.

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    1. Gorilla - My mom does need a chaperone! I'm not sure that I want to remind anyone of a teddy bear, just yet.

      Julie

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  11. My grandchildren always kiss their grandpa. I just stand and watch. Well, I watch and wave and blow kisses.

    You are so blessed to have such a mother.

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  12. Haha! I think I've crossed over into this territory too. That's OK. I'll take those hugs and kisses however I can get them. :)

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  13. Yvonne - You should get in on the fun too! Yes, I am blessed. Thank you Yvonne!

    Daisy - It is sad, but we do what we have to do!

    Julie

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  14. Lol, your mom must be kissable.

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  15. Preface: I'm the oldest member of my family (that's still alive). Well, there is my aunt, but she's a Penwasser by marriage.
    It makes me sad that my brothers, sister, and I have become those relatives at family gatherings who are the subject of "wait till the old people go to bed; then the party will kick into high gear."
    On a related note:
    We were talking about how we want our funerals to go (another sign we're not young anymore) when I mentioned I'd like a voice box placed in my coffin at the wake. When mourners (presuming I had any) knelt down, they'd activate it and a voice would emanate from the box saying something like, "Hey. How ya doin'? Don't I look natural?"
    My sister was aghast. She protested, "You'll give all the old people heart attacks!"
    I replied, "You may not have noticed, but WE'RE the old people."
    By the way, last family party I went to, I was one of the last people to go to bed. Of course, that may have something to do with something called "slapping the bag" of wine.
    At least I wasn't my brother. He sat in a bowl of hot sauce and didn't know it for a half hour.
    Young whippwersnapper.

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  16. Miranda - It's a curse, but she's learning how to deal with it! Thanks Miranda!

    Al - I love your funeral idea! You might have to place a warning label near your casket, just in case. It's sad that you're the oldest member of your family. You are way too young for that. Please continue to take good care of yourself, so you can break all family traditions.

    Julie

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    1. I love my family (well, for obvious reasons). They give me such inspiration for a wealth of stories, none of which are made up. I see no end in sight to them, either.
      Uh...the stories...not my family.
      Oh, speaking of me ending (were we speaking of me ending?), during my stepfather's funeral, my brothers, sister, and I were trying to figure out who would "go next." We figured since my sister is a girl (that's why she's called our "sister"), she'd out live us all. That left it to me and the brother who's 3 years younger (two other brothers were deemed too young to "go next"). We evaluated our lifestyles and figured that we had an equal chance of "going next." So, we decided to flip a coin to see which one of us would be the first to assume room temperature.
      I lost.
      I sure hope they put on a good spread at my funeral reception.

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    2. Al - You still have lots of living to do, and you owe it to your fans to keep us laughing for many years to come! Your brother must have flipped a two-headed coin! Those Penwasser pranksters!

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    3. Well, I wouldn't put it past him/me.
      Seriously, he's the brother who always makes me laugh.

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  17. Replies
    1. Rosalind - There's never a dull moment when my mom's around!

      Julie

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  18. Like everyone else, I love your mom stories. But, hey! No need to worry about any of those hugs being obligatory. I'm sure every single one you get is heartfelt. (Assuming you haven't advanced to that dreaded cheek-pinching phase, that is...)

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    1. Susan - Hopefully, I'll never advance to that phase! Thanks for making me feel better, Susan!

      Julie

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  19. I'm going to have to learn to be more observant around my relatives. So far my brother has his kids so afraid of me they won't even make eye contact, let alone offer hugs. I should let him know there's a mandatory old aunt rule that requires ((hugging.))

    Keep the mom stories coming! :)

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    1. Luanne - Fear is a very good thing. It will especially come in handy on the playground when your book comes out! The other parents will also want to be in on your secret. Use this gift wisely. There will be plenty of time for hugging later! Thanks Luanne!

      Julie

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  20. There's nothing quite like a mom who lays it out there. What always got me was the love mine engendered when she did something like you've written. I never get kissed or hugged when I'm demanding. Maybe I need to get a walker. Enjoyed your story as always.

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    1. Lee - Demanding never works for me either, and walkers aren't any fun. It's better just to say you're much older than you really are, and not be disappointed if they believe you. Thanks Lee!

      Julie

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  21. Hi Julie - some people seem to hug - others don't ... but if you're an elderly left on your own - it means so much so often ... but yes squirming under a hug, or under a wet drippy nose - as going in the other direction ... ie hug from elderly grandparent or grand something!

    Your mother keeps you amused and that's the main thing - stimulation in life!! She must anticipate when you need another blog post ... cheers Hilary

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  22. I quite often kiss a lovable older person who has tantalizing green eyes, no matter how much he has scolded me. I speak of Willy Dunne Wooters, of course. I thought I received robotic hugs for a while, but lately the hugs have turned to some people throwing their arms around me and saying how glad they are to see me. I must be improving with age, like a fine whine.

    Love,
    Janie, who spelled it "whine" intentionally

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  23. Hilary - My mom does enjoy being the "star" of my blog! It's great therapy for both of us!

    Janie - Willy Dunne Wooters is very lucky to have you! People should be throwing their arms around you in appreciation! Though I don't quite understand the reason, I feel better you meant "whine" instead of wine. I have whined about bad wine, and would rather drink a frozen coffee instead. You are lots of fun, Janie Junebug! Thanks for following me!

    Julie

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  24. Your mom stories are thoroughly amusing, Julie. She's a hot number in that habitat. I'd be flattered to have men fight over me with paper towel rolls.

    In my family, my older relatives were the ones who gave the obligatory stiff hugs and sloppy kisses on the cheek. We kids were obliged to accept these gestures, and move onto the flavorless soup, dry roast beef, and you call this a meal? There's no dessert!

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  25. I'm usually not a fan of mom stories, but yours are always great. No one ever wants to kiss my cheeks or fight over me with pool cues... what am I doing wrong with my life?

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  26. Now I know why they invented high fives!

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  27. Robyn - No dessert? Now I've heard everything! Our family was known for having mini sweet tables for every occasion. That's why I became a chocoholic at an early age. The sloppy kissers I remember were from bad first dates.

    B & B - At least one of you got to wrestle cows. How many people live to tell those stories?!

    JJ - The germaphobic fist-bump gesture is the new high five. Soon fist-bumps will be outdated too.

    Julie

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  28. That's an awesome story!! :)
    We're not the huggiest of people in our family (British background :)) so we don't get the obligatory hugs!

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  29. Aha and once you start saying to children, "My, how you've grown!" you know you are becoming, dare I say an old "rage", sorry, age pensioner, perhaps. Nobody wants to hug me. Maybe next year.

    Fun story, Julie.

    Gary :)

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  30. As usual your mom is as awesome as her tantalizing green eyes. :D
    I'm not a big hugger except with family so I hope this rule doesn't apply to me any time soon. I would probably have a panic attack if children kept coming up and hugging me LOL.

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  31. Jemi - Sometimes it's better that way, because on those rare occasions people know that you really mean it! Thanks Jemi!

    Gary - When you put it that way, I've been an "old rage" for quite a while now! Thanks Gary!

    Julie - I would also not encourage strange children to hug me, unless of course they had tantalizing green eyes! Thanks Julie!

    Julie



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  32. Ha ha that is so cute. I think that's so true of little old ladies - but you are not yet a little old lady. I'm getting there, but even I'm not quite there.

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  33. Your mom could have been my mom: Lots of spunk and knows what she wants.

    Go ahead, kiss the boys and make them cry.

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