Julie Kemp Pick
As I officially exit my forty-something years, I think about some of the things I have to look forward to.
Forgetfulness: Where did I leave my keys, my phone and my floss? Waking up in the middle of the night wondering if I remembered to close the garage door. Repeating the same stories over and over again. Repeating the same stories over and over again.
Ingrown hairs popping up in the middle of my face, without any warning. Some long enough to twirl around my finger to use as a memory knot. Of course those 3D monsters will attract every one's attention, before I'm finally able to notice them. I'll never really know if my husband saw them as he'd be much too nervous to be the messenger. I'll never be able to leave the house without a tweezers in my holster. I'm already developing a love-hate relationship with my rear view mirror, because it tells no lies in the light of day.
Flatulence attacks even triggered by excessive gum chewing. Alternating between loud bursts and silent sewage air filtration. Suddenly feeling less conspicuous at a hot and steamy day at the zoo, or a tempers flared bingo game at the senior center.
Tired all the time. Always looking forward to the next nap. Standing longer than necessary for fear of passing out in a chair in the middle of the day. Experiencing jet lag when you haven't even gone out of the house.
Yelling when I think I'm using my inside voice. Losing the ability to whisper. Once I thought I was having a private conversation with my son on the main floor of a movie theater, when I noticed people were staring down at me from the top of the escalator. This was extremely embarrassing, but it would've been worse if I were chewing gum.
A is for Aging Awkwardly is my first entry in the A to Z Blogging Challenge.