Monday, April 11, 2011

Jury Duty

                                                                                               
                                                                                                 Julie Kemp Pick



My friend's husband's neighbor Jay, got summoned for jury duty and he desperately wanted to get out of it, so he called his lawyer for help. When his lawyer said that there was nothing he could do, he called his brother. After he told him that things were hectic at work, and he couldn't possibly take time off, they decided to come up with a plan.

The brothers wrote a fictitious letter to the Jury Commissioner detailing every reason they could think of that would make it physically impossible for Jay to serve as a juror. This letter described symptoms that would make the entire courtroom gasp, including everything from chronic diarrhea, to uncontrollable nose bleeds. Their internist was a close family friend, and after several shots of Jack Daniels, he agreed to sign the letter.

A few days before jury selection, Jay was told that he had to report to the judge for a personal interview. He was a nervous wreck thinking that he was about to be arrested for perjury. He couldn't stop shaking as he was getting dressed, and quickly drove off to the courthouse. While he was driving, his stomach started gurgling, as he heard a police siren. He began slowing down, as the squad car went after someone else.

When he arrived in the judge's chambers, he was sweating profusely and out of breath. Then the judge took one look at him, and told him he was free to go.

Suddenly, the cloud was lifted, and he happily drove home to tell his wife. She was shaving her legs in the bathtub when he told her the good news. When she looked up at him, she screamed. He ran over to see what was wrong, and saw that his shirt collar was covered in blood. He didn't even realize that he had nicked his nose while shaving. Smiling, Jay took off his shirt and explained what happened. Then his wife advised him to also remove his pants. Apparently his stomach wasn't just gurgling.



A to Z Blogging Challenge

22 comments:

  1. excellent post about a service I think would be interesting to do but on the other hand a very important service, My late husband did some jury service and found it very absorbing,

    Yvonne.

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  2. Hi Julie .. good post about nerves, stress etc .. questionably a fun think!

    What Yvonne says is so right too .. we need to be good citizens .. I've never done jury service - too old now! Cheers Hilary

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  3. and the captcha was "Jurshis"??!?!?!!?

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  4. eeww to the end of a great story. The blood was a great touch and probably got him off.

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  5. Yikes! I'm with Rhonda - the blood probably got him off!

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  6. LOL! Love starting the morning off with a good laugh! Thanks!

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  7. Equal parts "ewwww" and "LOL" Nicely done. :)

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  8. @Yvonne - I've heard it is very interesting. I've also never done it myself.

    @Hilary - I don't think you're too old. Liked your captcha!

    @Rhonda - That was one end of it.

    @Talli - That was the first thing that caught the judge's attention.

    Thank YOU Amy!

    @Jeffrey - That phrase should probably be added to my "about me" section as it describes a lot of my writing. My "K" story will have to show a kinder, gentler side. Thanks

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  9. This is hilarious. Thank you so much. And so great to meet you.
    Karen

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  10. Thanks for your comment, people have a choice whether they listen to my music. I have had music since I started my blog, Music is a part of me as poetry is.Many of my followers love the music others if they wish just don't turn the sound on. I have also done Music blogfest so why you wrote what you did baffled me.
    Yvonne.

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  11. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  12. Excellent story, the truth is that there is a tasteful dish that's being sworn.

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  13. @Karen, thanks for visiting. I will look for you too.

    @Yvonne - I meant it strictly as a compliment. As I explained, the first few times I went into your blog, I was on my son's computer which doesnt' have any sound, because he took his speakers with him to college. Even without the music, I enjoyed your poetry. Later when I went on our other computer, the music was a pleasant surprise. I like how you incorporate the music into your poetry, but I was trying to express how your poems are also worthwhile on their own. I'm sorry if I offended you. Julie

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  14. Is this true? If so, truth is stranger than fiction.

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  15. Hi Angela, thanks for visiting and following me. I will do the same. This story is pure fiction. Julie

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  16. A lesson in self-fulfilling prophecies! Be careful what you wish for. Also I have never personally known anyone who has gotten a jury summons, I was beginning to think the system was rigged.

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  17. As I was summoned to jury duty at 26th and California, and not wanting to be chosen, I did my best to answer the lawyer's questions in an undesirable manner. To my surprise, I was chosen to be a juror for a murder. For one week, every night, I returned home hugging my husband, children and was thankful for all I have. In the end, I was grateful for having the opportunity to serve. lrk

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  18. That's a bad case of nerves! I got called up twice, but both times I was freelance and could not afford to take the time off work, since I worked for myself. Fortunately I was able to get out of it, but it would be interesting to do it one of these days.

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  19. Thanks Leovi!

    @Spenc - My dear friend Anonymous (below your comment) was a juror in a murder trial. I know others who served too.

    @Anon (lrk) - Thanks for sharing.

    @Tony - I think you would appreciate the experience.

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  20. I came here via the A-Z Blogging Challenge "Surprise Me" button, and indeed I was delightfully surprised to find such fun reads. I'm a follower now and I'll definitely be back for more! Great creative writing here!!
    ~Josie Two Shoes~
    Two Shoes In Texas 
    Monday Memories
    Write A Letter Wednesday
    Words In Motion

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