Ursula Undressed

Ursula undressed in front of her man,
Unaware of his weakened heart.
Ugly expression came over his face,
Uncontrollably he started to fart.

Utterly inconsolable, he begged her to stay,
Upping her usual expensive fee.
Ursula agreed to turn the other cheek,
Ultimately this would set her free.

Upon continuing where they left off,
Unexpected knocking at their door.
Uri demanded to see his cheating wife,
Utterly enraged, as his head hit the floor.

Uri  and Ursula cleared out his room,
United in carrying out their plan.
Urgently piling up all of his cash,
Unbeknownst to this comatose man.

Unabashedly Uri expressed his love,
Ushering Ursula to run off with him.
Unwilling to take no for an answer,
Ursula grabbed the lamp on a whim.

Undertaker cleaned up her dirty mess,
Untidiness was never her intention.
Utilizing her wealth to go it alone,
Uncoupling was a divine intervention

For Stephen: Ursula Undressed (With thanks to Penny and Gary)

Ode To "T"

Trample on my heart,
Trespass on my soul.
Twisting our love apart.
Tragedy takes its toll.

Trips we'd never take,
Trails we'd never follow.
Treaties cool, half-baked,
Tender tones, are only borrowed.

Tales of days long past,
Trigger tears of sorrow.
Truth is, it would never last,
Trapped inside, the treachery of tomorrow.


       

                                 

Sorry To Hear That

                                                 


"Sorry to hear that,"
She always would say.
While others confided,
Their pains of the day.

"Sorry to hear that,"
Spouting their latest woes.
From their aching backs,
To their hammertoes.

"Sorry to hear that,
Sophia, please do not wail.
Surely things will get brighter,
It's just a hangnail."

"Sorry to hear that,"
Soothed everyone's ears.
Sadly, no one listened
To her troubles and fears.

"Sorry to hear that,"
Sighed sweet, dear old Meg,
As she sat on her bed,
And unhinged her leg.

Ridiculous Rules of Religion

                                                                 

Recently our sons took us to see The Book Of  Mormon for our anniversary. It's from the creators of the delightfully raunchy South Park; the cartoon that never tires of belittling all beliefs. Though some of the song titles were too filthy to mention, it was all done in the spirit of fun. The audience even gave a standing ovation.

Although the play was a devilish parody on the Mormon religion, I was shocked that the Mormon Organization actually placed three ads in the Playbill. My favorite caption was, "YOU'VE SEEN THE PLAY..NOW READ THE BOOK." It was great that they were able to laugh at themselves.

This made me think about how many religions follow ridiculous rules. For example, my friend just told me some traditions within the more observant sector of our religion that I wasn't familiar with. According to a Jewish Orthodox community on the East Coast, when a young bride and groom marry, the groom's family is responsible for a list of items called FLOPS. This stands for Flowers, Liquor, Orchestra, Photographer, and Sheytl (wig(s) for the bride).

 All Jewish Orthodox married women are required to cover their heads with scarves, hats or wigs. As explained in The New Joys of Yiddish, "The rabbis decreed that once married, a woman's hair, her well-known crowning beauty, should not be visible lest it distract men from prayer or study." 

Wigs can be very costly, and it doesn't make sense why the groom's parents should have to pay for them. These rules are so impractical, because in most cases the marriages are arranged at a young age. Thus, these kids could use the FLOPS funds for food, and a place to raise their six to twelve children.

To add to the absurdity, another popular tradition in this community is to buy your future daughter-in-law a diamond tennis bracelet, and a fine watch for your son-in-law. You may not see the bling under her long sleeved blouse, but at least the groom will know when it's time to put his book down and procreate. Sounds like all the makings of the next Broadway hit.

*A repost from 2013.

Ode To "Q"

Questionable intentions were brought by he,

Quartet gently playing in the corner.

Qualifying his earnest pedigree,

Quick to satisfy his plea for her honor.   

Qualms from other gentlemen,

Quarreling over the prize.

Quiet as their majesty walked in,

Quaint appearances were much to surmise.

Quibbling over the princess's hand,
Queries from great distances away.
Quotient of suitable purveyors of the land,
Quintuplets soon lined up for their say.

,

Quarantine began after draining their cups, 

Quagmire like no kingdom had seen.

Quilts were gathered to cover up,

Quirky King was really a Queen.

*A repost from 2012.

Percolating Patsy

Percolating Patsy,
Peeled into town.
Parked her Purple Pontiac,
Proceeded to frown.

Proprietor greeted her,
Plopped in her favorite chair.
Prune danish in one hand,
Pretzels near to her beer.

Percy knew she was coming,
Played it cool to the bone.
Placated her with compliments,
Perhaps, now she'd go home.

Patsy, in no hurry to leave,
Packed a pistol in her purse.
Plus a shiv up her sleeve.

People knew why Percy left her,
Pretty girl caught his eye.
Patsy's punch just missed his kisser,
Pirate patch adorned him, "Captain Bligh."

Pleading for forgiveness,
Patsy made no mind.
Pulled her trigger happy finger,
Police arrived just in time.

Prison life far from pleasant,
Petty criminals fought nail and tooth.
Poor guards didn't know what hit them,
Percolating Patsy done blown off the roof!

Organ Donation: The Greatest Gift

 April is Organ Donation Awareness Month, so I've decided to repeat this post from my first A to Z Challenge in 2011. I've updated my brother's age, and  number of years since his kidney transplant.

 The Chicago Tribune cover story, Just a Liver Transplant Among Friendly Neighbors, by Michelle Manchir, told how two residents in a suburban subdivision banned together to save their friend who needed a liver transplant. A 41 year old man who was suffering from the same rare liver disease that took Walter Payton's life, was fortunate enough to have one neighbor offer to "remove a portion of the donor's liver and place it in the ill person's body. The liver is the only interior organ that regenerates--typically in about three months."

When the surgeon found scarring on the first woman's liver, another neighbor offered to take her place. Now all three neighbors "share surgery scars above their belly buttons." They are doing well , and the recipient is thankful to both women for risking their lives to save his. According to the recipient, "They really don't act like it's anything special. They're just crazy, wonderful, amazing people."

Both my husband and my brother received organ donations. My husband underwent two cornea transplants, and my brother received a healthy kidney almost 10 years ago.     

Due to a complicated medical history, my brother was told that he could be on a waiting list for 5-10 years or longer. Fortunately, he received a call a year and a half later on his 47th birthday from the transplant team. He owes his life to a cadaver donor.

Today, my brother is a healthy, energetic 56 year old who often wears his nephews out whether they're lifting weights or playing basketball. He strongly believes that "everyone should be a donor regardless of religious beliefs, because you can save several lives by donating your organs. It's morally wrong to be a recipient and not a donor." 

April is Organ Donation Awareness Month, and it's easy to become a donor by checking off the box when you renew your driver's license. or by registering at  organdonor.gov. Our family is extremely grateful for the gifts we've been given, and we're proud to pay it forward.