Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Constipation Corner


                                                                  


Host: Welcome to Constipation Corner. My guest today is Dr. Clyde Colon, I mean Collin. The author of Better Methods or BM's For Dummies. (holds up the book) Tell us about your book Clyde.

Guest:  It offers suggestions for battling constipation which involve drinking plenty of water, and eating a diet rich in fiber.

Host:  Wait a minute. That's not your picture on the back cover. Who are you?

Guest:  Well, Dr. Collin asked me to fill in for him, but I am in chapter 9 of the book.

Host:  (flips through the pages) You're in the chapter about unorthodox remedies?

Guest:  Yes, I have a very long twisted colon, so I have to work harder to release the toxins from my body, Diet isn't always enough, so I jump up and down, stand on my head and squawk like a bird.

Host:  And this helps you?

Guest:  Yes, but the problem is that I never know when it's going to kick in.

Host:  Does this affect your work?

Guest:  Actually, I'm lucky to be in a very conducive work environment.

Host:  What do you do?

Guest:  I'm a men's room attendant at the hotel across the street. That's how I met Two-ply, I mean Dr. Collin. As a matter of fact, he's in stall number three right now. I suggested a mini-cam, but he sent me instead.

Host:  So he suffers from constipation too?

Guest: Doesn't everybody?

Host:  So if he can't even help himself, why should we buy his book, and has this Dr. Collin even written anything else?

Guest:  Yes, but his lawyers said not to mention the other titles. He's doing much better now thanks to   Alex J. Cavanaugh,   and the Insecure Writer's Support Group. Whenever we're feeling all tense and bound for failure, Captain Cavanaugh is always there to help us flush out ideas without straining. He really keeps the group running on the first Wednesday of each month. Well, I gotta go.

Host:  Are you heading over to the IWSG meeting?

Guest:  That's later today, but I really gotta go now before something... (he races off)

Host:  Hmm...maybe it's worth a try. (Then she jumps up and down, stands on her head, and squawks like a bird while loud fireworks sound off behind her. She turns bright red and sprints off the stage.)
             
                                                                          


46 comments:

  1. Great interview, most enjoyable.

    Yvonne.

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  2. Haha! You're a riot! I bet no one else uses this word for their "C" post but you. You're an original!
    Thanks for the laughs. :-)

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  3. Thank you Yvonne!

    Lexa - I used the same "C" word last year when I wrote the poem Chronic Constipation. Though they are quite different, the subject is still the same. I felt compelled to tell you, or else I couldn't look you in the eye. Thanks Lexa!

    Julie

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  4. Funny! Had me in stitches, umm, right down to my colon!

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  5. I bet that of the 1700 people in this challenge, you are the only one to use the word "constipation" as your theme.

    Funny!

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    1. I said colonics - bloated and blocked -in my post on clarity - but I bet you're right abut constipation :)

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  6. C for constipation, lol :)


    Damyanti @Daily(w)rite
    Co-host, A to Z Challenge 2013

    Twitter: @AprilA2Z
    #atozchallenge

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  7. Great original post. Never thought I'd find one on constipation interesting or funny. WTG!

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  8. very moving subject---i know, i'm sorry ;)

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  9. I think this wins the prize for the best post title LOL. Very funny as always, Julie. :D

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  10. Ha-I had to read...the title reeled me in : )

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  11. Hilarious! Your posts are delightful.

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  12. Haha. Was eating my lunch while reading this. I'm not going to jump up down though.

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  13. CM - Glad you liked it. Thanks CM!

    Arleen - You should read Ida's creative post on Clarity and Colonics.

    Ida - I really appreciated your tribal take on cleansing. Now I'm off to find a totem pole and whistle store.

    Isis - Now I know what WTG means. Way To Go Isis! I was nervous at first.

    Lynn - You know I'm addicted to puns, so keep 'em coming!

    Thanks Yvonne!

    Julie - Thanks for always being so supportive Julie!

    Joyce - It was the first one that came to mind, and it shows. Thanks Joyce!

    Gemma - Thank you and I've really been enjoying yours too.

    Susan - Hope it didn't make you lose your appetite.

    Julie
    Thanks Damyanti!

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  14. Great post and it had me laughing. It's so funny because everyone can relate to it - especially the older you get.

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    1. Thank goodness we can laugh about it Mary!

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  15. oh my gosh I snorted from laughing. Great post!!!
    Nutschell
    www.thewritingnut.com

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  16. Sadly, I identify with this! Great fun, Julie!

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  17. OMG! I am so glad I ate my lunch before my visit :)

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  18. I didn't C this one coming! You sure surprised me, lol

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  19. Clever and creative! You combined the C-post and IWSG so smoothly...
    Great post Julie!

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  20. Hahaha, great post. Wondering what D will bring next :)

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  21. Hilarious!!! Sorry, I'm not brave enough to try that.

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  22. Very Droll. I'm glad I found you through the A to Z.

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  23. Hah very creative!

    (Stopping by from the A to Z Challenge)

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  24. Constipation - such a common malady as artists strain to express themselves. Hope to see you at MROP some time; today I'm talking about Change, in real life and in storytelling. Thanks, I enjoyed your post. -Belinda.

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  25. Is there something wrong with me to enjoy something on such a subject, lololol!

    Good one Julie!

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  26. Thank you so much Nutschell!

    Susan - It is good that we can laugh about it. A little flaxseed meal sprinkled in your cereal may be helpful.

    Thanks Printed Portal. Nice to see you here.

    Jen - It's probably safe to always come here after your food is properly digested.

    Ella - I hope it wasn't a bad surprise.

    Michelle - It only worked because Alex is such a good sport Thanks Michelle!

    Pete - There is nothing disgusting in my "D" post, but I can't promise that will always be the case. Thanks Pete!

    Alex - Like I told Michelle, I always appreciate that you are a great sport. Thanks for the IWSG, and for being an exceptional A to Z co-host!

    Common Weeder - Nice to meet you, and I will visit you soon!

    Clean Slate - Looking forward to seeing you too!

    Belinda - Sounds like an interesting change of pace. Thanks Belinda!

    Julie


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  27. Constipation, uh? Where can I buy that book? hahahaha! Great interview.

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  28. Sia - Thanks for making me feel better!

    Al - It's coming to a TP store near you! Thanks Al!

    Julie

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  29. I must try that technique one day, it's always good to have a little fun whilst trying to unstick the stuck if you know what I mean, ha ha ha.
    I wondering what you're gonna do with D! Diarrhea? ha ha ha.

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  30. Thank you Lucy!

    I really appreciate it Mina!

    RPD - "Unstick the stuck" would've been perfect for my "U" post! No such luck for "D," but you might appreciate my choice for "F."

    Julie

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  31. You cracked me up with this piece - and, such a visual...like it was on a telly in front of me! :)


    Jenny @ PEARSON REPORT

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    1. Thanks for the wonderful compliment Jenny!

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  32. I love this! How does Alex feel about being a cure for constipation? So funny. Thanks Julie.

    Rhonda @Laugh-Quotes.com
    AtoZ #42

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    1. There is no limit to Alex's talents. Thanks Rhonda!

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  33. I'll have to keep that method in mind for the next time I'm in need. It can't be worst than the time I misread the instructions on the epsom salts box ... turns out tsp is teaspoons, not tablespoons.

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  34. Hi, ENI,
    I see captain Alex helps us bloggers out in all sorts of ways. I've heard that rubbing one's knees helps in the constipation department. True or not? I dunno.

    J.L. Campbell at Jamaican Kid Lit

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  35. Super funny. Try oatmeal, prunes or fruit! Ha, or walking. Walking always helps get things moving - ideas and...other stuff.

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  36. Hi Julie - great post .. I think we should try lobster baby TR's (Talli's new baby son)diet .. he just squawks and turns bright red .. but doesn't need to jump up and down ...

    Love the post - brilliantly done .. cheers Hilary

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  37. LOL! What a funny post. I don't think we'll find Dr. Collin's book on any best seller lists. ; )

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