Wednesday, March 4, 2020

IWSG: A Pain In The As...king


It's time for another edition of the  Insecure Writer's Support GroupBe sure to visit Alex J. Cavanaugh  and the rest of the talented bloggers who are always willing to lend a helping hand.

                                            A Pain In The As...king

BOLO Alert: My husband has a cough and cold. But it's not an ordinary cough and cold, because my husband has it. What makes it even more horrific is that his endless suffering is just weeks before his knee replacement surgery.

The other night I found Hubby napping in front of the blaring TV, so I turned down the volume. He awoke shortly, changed chairs and turned the volume way up to generously share his program with the majority of neighbors on our floor and the floor below. 

When the phone rang, I had to quarantine myself in our bedroom with the door closed in order to hear the other voice on the line. This  took away from my laundry time, as I would have to enter a dangerous hearing zone that would make even the calmest dogs go absolutely mad. 

After the call ended, I decided to take my life into my own hands by re-entering the mutant hearing zone to find my husband was once again sound asleep. When I told him how the blaring TV was affecting my hearing he replied, "I can't worry about that right now, as I have to focus on my upcoming knee replacement surgery."

The other day, I went to the doctor to be treated for a sore throat, cold and slight cough. Fortunately, I knew right away that it wasn't the Coronavirus, as I was fever-free, but I didn't want to take a chance on being sick for my husband's upcoming surgery.

The nurse was having difficulty swabbing the back of my throat during the strep test, so I offered to grab hold of my tongue while she went in with the swab.

After after several failed attempts, I finally held my tongue down long enough for her to get a culture. When I apologized for being such a difficult patient, the nurse said it wasn't my fault that the lab ran out of tongue depressors. 

Needless to say, I went home with neither prescription nor pride in tact. 

The next day, my husband's cough soared from a one to a two on a scale of 10, so he saw the same NP (nurse practitioner) in our doctors' office. Before he left, I reminded him to tell her that we were both at a children's birthday party where many of the guests later came down with either colds or the flu.  

Then he walked out muttering (in between exaggerated coughs), "Julie, thanks for giving me this generous gift before my surgery."

Apparently, Hubby accomplished a lot more during his office visit. He explained that the NP swabbed him for the flu, and if the results were positive, she would call in a prescription for him and a preventative dosage for me with approval from my kidney transplant doctors. 

I couldn't believe that I wasn't tested for the flu, but my husband was not surprised. According to the NP, I did not have flu-like symptoms. I only had a sore throat, runny nose and slight cough, while Hubby had a terrible cough, runny nose and felt (here's the operative word)...ACHY.

A few expletives later, I offered to pick up some soup, and other favorite items at the deli, along with his pending prescription, but Hubby wanted to go instead. I argued that he was far too sickly to venture out again, but he insisted.

Then the NP called and said he didn't have the flu, but she'd still give him a prescription to make him more comfortable. Now I was really angry. Shouldn't I be at my full strength to take care of her favorite patient after his surgery? 

After throwing back a cool glass of chocolate milk, I calmly offered once again to make a deli and drugstore run, so this poor suffering man could crawl under the covers to begin the healing process. 

Finally, my husband told me the real reason why he needed to run those errands. Apparently, he had a taste for the deli's special tuna salad, but their tomatoes left a lot to be desired. Rather than settle for a less than perfect sandwich, he preferred making an additional stop at an upscale grocery store to personally select an exquisitely firm tomato. Of course, I couldn't be trusted with this important task.

In the end, the NP also prescribed something for me, but it's not strong enough to numb my new pain.


  1. Oh, you have me laughing here. Hope you both feel better soon and the knee surgery goes well!

  2. Man sick is so hard to bear - for women. Hang in there, Julie. I hope your dear husband feels better soon.

  3. Just imagine what it will be like after he has the surgery...

  4. Sorry you have both been sick. I hope your husband's knee surgery goes well and that he is up and walking again soon.

  5. I'm glad neither of you have the flu, and I hope you both get better very soon!

  6. When did health care get so complicated. Oh yeah... China...

  7. Quick! Hide the remote while he's out ;-) Good to know you're both going to be okay. A friend of mine had a knee replaced when he was nearly 80! He swore the best therapy was driving with a clutch everyday.
    Best wishes!

  8. Liza - I'm so glad this made you laugh! It's always my intention, and I worry that others might think I'm being a Debbie Downer. Thank you, Liza, and I'll pass your well wishes on to my husband!

    Arleen - My husband was giggling when he read this, so as long as we're both laughing we're fine. I really didn't want to write another story about illness or surgery, but who an I kidding?! I'm sure there will be plenty more! Thank you so much, Arleen!

    Debra - I'm sure there are plenty of other reasons too. I know many women who are whiners, but you just have to try to make them laugh at themselves or limit your time with them. Thanks Debra!

    Alex - Yes, I do have a lot to look forward to! My husband will be a good patient, because he really wants to be able to go bike riding this summer. But I'm sure there will be more blogworthy incidents! Thanks for hosting another great IWSG, Alex!


  9. Natalie - Thank you so much for your well wishes, Natalie!

    Chrys - I really appreciate your kinds words, Chrys!

    Jacqui - Yes, we all have to be careful now! The doctors were all so busy that we both had to see a NP. Thanks Jacqui!

    Diedre - Hiding the remote is the best revenge! I'm so glad your friend did so well after his surgery and I'm very impressed that he could drive with a clutch! Thank you for the encouraging words, Diedre!


  10. LOL! That's too funny. Glad neither of you ended up getting the flu.

  11. I had to laugh so much at your husband's man flu, annoying as it is for you. Glad neither of you have flu though. Happy #IWSG day.

  12. Sarah - Yes, we definitely dodged a bullet or two! Thank you, Sarah!

    Kalpana - The good news is when I can turn something annoying into a story for my blog, and we can both laugh about it. I wish I had done a better job of making photo albums of my kids growing up, but hopefully, they'll be able to laugh about these family stories long after we're gone. Thank you so much, Kalpana!


  13. Haha! Nothing worse than a man cold. They suffer so. I hope you both feel better soon and that your husband's surgery goes well. Good luck to both of you when he goes through his recovery.

    1. Connie - Yes, even Sir Laurence Olivier has never turned in a more captivating dramatic performance! Thanks so much for your well wishes. I'm sure that one of us will be healed in no time!


  14. My mother used to always say that men were such big babies about being sick. That was based mostly on my Dad I guess. He didn't get sick too often, but when he did get sick it was always in a big way. On the other hand, I hardly recall my mother being sick. I don't think mothers are supposed to get sick.

    In my household now, my wife makes a big show out of even the smallest sickness. For me sickness is an inconvenience that I try to ignore as much as possible. If I do end up laid up in bed then it's because I just cannot manage to do much else--like I was for a couple days last week. Fortunately my sickness was basically gone after 3 days of intense rest and here I am again. When I am sick I feel like it's such a waste of my time and I don't like wasting my time--not being sick at least.

    Arlee Bird
    Tossing It Out

  15. Nobody has ever felt as bad as a man with a (gasp!) cold. My hubby has always been a little like that, but ironically, he's been awesome throughout his cancer treatments.

    Ya ready for it? His lung cancer is GONE!!! After his second bladder surgery, that cancer is on the run, too. He'll just need to have some once-a-week treatments to hopefully prevent it from returning. The only bad news we got from the docs yesterday is there are a few spots in his brain now. Hopefully, ten rounds of radiation will kick them to the curb, too. Life is good! No... it is GRRRRREAT!!!!

    I'm glad you guys don't have the flu. And I hope your hubby's knee surgery goes well. Be prepared to wait on him hand and foot, sweet lady. :)

    Have a wonderful weekend! (We will!!!)

  16. I know I am completely missing the point with this question, but it's all I could think as I read this, Nurses can write prescriptions in the US? Also, I am surprised you could get into see a medical professional, here, if you have a cough, they are asking you to go back to your car, and call them on your phone.

    Glad you got what you need, hopefully your patient gets well quickly. Husbands with colds are our initial practice period before we have kids.

    1. Hi Rhonda - Nurse Practitioners complete a master's degree program and can treat and write scripts for patients. Years ago, I had a NP that actually spent more time with me than my doctor. The rules may have changed here, but at the time of our visits they weren't as concerned about coughs and colds unless they were accompanied by a fever. Hope you and your family are all doing well. Thanks Rhonda!


  17. Lee - Interesting role reversal. I'm sorry you were sick last week, but I'm glad you handled it like a pro and rested until you felt better. I'm impressed that you got the bug out of your system in only three days! No wonder you're such a prolific blogger. Thank you Lee and stay healthy!

    Hi Susan, This is such wonderful news! I must admit I was getting worried after reading your post yesterday, and couldn't be more elated that he passed his tests with flying colors! It sounds like Smarticus is a wonderful patient, and I'm sure the weekly treatments will be extremely effective. I'm so sorry that he'll also have to endure more radiation for the new spots on his brain. Hopefully, this will be the end of it once and for all, and you can go back to being your usual fun-loving selves! I'm sure all your laughter and support has really been the best medicine, and it's the stuff that great novels are made of (hint hint). Please keep me posted and take care of each other, my friend! xoxo

    P.S. After all my hubby's done for me, I really won't mind taking care of him after his surgery, but I'll still continue to tease him whenever possible! Thanks for the well wishes, Susan!


  18. GEM JULIE ~

    Sorry I'm late here, but I has an excuse:

    [Link> "Wae-eee-ll... I've been sick".

    >>... The next day, my husband's cough soared from a one to a two on a scale of 10

    Ha!-Ha! Did they stop the presses?!
    How did the New York "Coronavirus" Times miss this story?

    >>... and felt (here's the operative word)...ACHY.

    Oh, shoot! I un'erstan' "achy". Helck, if it weren't for my [Link> Achy Breaky Heart, I wouldn't have a dang thang to complain about! "Achy" ain't nuttin' to un'erestimate.

    >>... In the end, the NP also prescribed something for me, but it's not strong enough to numb my new pain.

    For 'Pain In The Posterior', DogGtor Stephen prescribes [Link> THIS!

    Julie, your posts are always a much-needed laugh! Thanks... again... as always!

    ~ Stephen
    DogGtor of Alcohology &
    King of Inebriation Nation

  19. OMG, that was so funny. Men certainly are different, aren't they? I hope all goes well for his knee replacement. Warning: it was the worst pain I've ever had (twice). So, be prepared. Some people come thru with flying colors, little pain, etc. Good for them. You might want to put him in a rehab facility, for your peace of mind. lol Good luck! And I hope you feel better.

  20. Stephen - You never have to apologize to me for being late, as I'm not on time even when people meet me at home. I'm sorry that you've been sick and I hope you have a speedy recovery. Thanks for all the kind words, as this is quite a compliment coming from Mr. Entertainment! Take care, my friend!

    Diane - I'm so sorry that you had to undergo two painful knee replacements, and I hope you're feeling 100% better now. I originally thought he'd recover in a rehab facility, but unless there are complications, surgeons recently began recommending patients stay in the hospital for a day or two before sending them home to recuperate. Thank you so much, Diane!


  21. G.J. ~

    "Mr. Entertainment"? Ha!-Ha!
    I've often been called less flattering things. Way much less!

    I didn't mean to mislead you. I haven't *REALLY* been sick. I only said that because your post was about sickness, and because I flat-out *LOVE* the moment when that tiny little canary falls out of the bag onto the dinner plate and immediately says, "Wae-eee-ll... I've been sick".

    I think that's one of the greatest moments in motion picture history. (Er... wae-eee-ll, cartoon history, anyway.)

    ~ D-FensDogG

    1. Dear Stephen, You are extremely entertaining, so get over it! The mistake was all mine, as the sound is not working on my computer, so I missed the canary's great line. Please refrain from sending me any talkie cartoons in the near future. Now you're probably wondering how I can hear the songs on your BOTB blog. I simply listen to the songs on my iPad (which has sound, but will not allow any of my comments to come through) and then comment on my other computer. No worries, as all of my hubby's electronic devices are working perfectly. Thanks for my double dose of Stephen! Glad you are feeling well. Stay healthy, my friend!


  22. what a fun experience! not!
    hope you’re both feeling better and things go smoothly from here on... praying for your good health!

    also wanted to say thanks for stopping by my Beast World campaign at Alex’s!

    Tara Tyler Talks

    1. Tara - Thank you so much and I hope you are also doing well. Best of luck on your new release!


  23. Hi Julie - I am so late ... apologies ... holding out for some time - now I've rather a lot ... but still masses to do.

    I hope you're both better now ... and perhaps the surgery has happened - or been postponed with all the things going on. Take care and look after yourselves ... I just love your posts - make me laugh ...and we need a few laughs today - all well here and I'm safe ... cheers Hilary

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