My husband is usually very patient and easy going. This changes when he gets behind the wheel of a car. Slow drivers, and people who dare to cut him off are the worst offenders. With constant name calling, and the overwhelming desire to prove who's "King of the Road," it was high time for me to devise a plan.
A new law should be enforced in which everyone has to have their cell phone number on their license plates. No more vanity plates saying how many kids you have, or the name of your favorite pet. Just the digits, so that any complaints about your driving will be directed toward you. Yes, a honk is simpler, but the idiot three cars ahead of you may be holding up the line of traffic. Every driver will be required to have a hands-free Bluetooth device to allow the safest possible vent system, "Not only are you weaving recklessly from lane to lane, but your car could use a wash, and I really don't care for your taste in music."
This is a much better approach than calling everyone a "putz" and using inappropriate hand gestures. Your passengers will thank you, and your fellow drivers will appreciate your efforts. Citizens will be busy patrolling each other freeing police officers from hiding out in the bushes with their radar guns.
This may also lead to unexpected friendships along the way:
"Bronco, what's the big idea cutting me off?"
"Sporty convertible, maybe I wouldn't have been so distracted if you were driving with a shirt on." All is resolved when they meet at a roadside cafe at the nearest exit.
Of course all of this polite and courteous conduct can still agitate some people. This may interfere with a driver's ability to shave or apply mascara.
