IWSG: The Motherhood of The Traveling Pants

                                                         


It's time for another edition of the Insecure Writer's Support Group. Be sure to visit Alex J. Cavanaugh and the rest of the talented writers who are always willing to lend a helping hand.

                                        The Motherhood of The Traveling Pants

                                   


When my mom moved into a nursing home a few years ago, I decided that I wasn't going to take any chances. After many falls, she had been in and out of nursing homes for rehab throughout the years and I had noticed that some of her clothes went missing. So every week I brought her clothes home to wash.

Then the calls started coming.

Mom: I have no pants.

Me: What do you mean you have no pants?

Mom: There are no pants in my closet.

Me: How can your pants be missing? They couldn't get mixed up in everyone else's  laundry, because I wash them myself.

Mom: If you don't believe me come and see for yourself. I'm hanging up now, because I have to get ready for dinner.

Me: But Mom it's only 3 p.m.

This happened several times and I searched high and low in her room, but couldn't find any sign of her missing pants. So I went to her favorite department store that she retired from years ago, with her cherished employee discount card in hand, to buy her new pants. 

But then the new pants started to disappear.

At one point I suggested that my brother install a camera in her closet to see who was taking her pants, but her favorite child was too busy bringing her groceries, taking her to bingo, rearranging her room and doting on her other needs.

It really cheered me up when my mom introduced me to a resident's daughter who thought my brother was an only child.

Then one day, as I was hanging up my mom's wash, I noticed a pair of pants that I had never seen before. I checked the label and they were a women's 'tall.'

In my mom's prime she was a statuesque five foot five, so I knew trouble was afoot.

When I asked my mom, she explained that one of the staff gave them to her after she told them that her pants kept disappearing.

Me: So she stole an old pair of pants from someone else and gave them to you to replace a nice new pair of pants that I bought you? 

Mom: Well I needed black pants and they fit when I'm sitting down. I have no problem with that.

Suddenly, I had an urge to watch Robin Hood.

Recently, my mom's favorite department store announced that it was going out of business. The store holds many special memories for all of us. Though my mom worked in women's better sportswear, she knew every inch of the store and always found our family the most beautiful clothes for every occasion.

When we got married, she bought us lovely china that we still use, as well as other household items. She even helped us pick out furniture that has lasted for years.

But when I offered to take her to the store before it closes, she told me that she has a new favorite store with a great selection and even better deals.

Then she said to take a look inside her closet where there was a nice selection of pants that I hadn't seen before in several different colors.

I couldn't imagine where she had possibly gone shopping without me.

Then she explained that she got them just an elevator ride away at the Lost & Found.

When my resourceful mom told the woman who worked there that many of her pants went missing, she gave her the pick of the litter. She now has some great spring/summer jeans and casual pants.

Me: But what if you're wearing other people's pants who still need them?

Mom: Then they should have checked with the Lost & Found.

Me: So an eye for an eye?

Mom: More like pants for pants. 

Mom's Reflections On The Headline: Man Shops For 5 Hours 'Til He Drops 7 Floors

(boing-boingnet)

                                                              

On December 9th, a man in China became undone after shopping with his girlfriend for over five hours. When he pleaded to go home, she said that she still had to buy shoes. They began shouting back and forth until he decided to throw packages over the seventh floor railing. Their argument ended when he jumped after them, crashing through Christmas decorations along the way, as he plummeted to his death.

My mom is an avid shopper. She will work tirelessly to find you whatever you need whether it's a large item for your home, down to the perfect pocket square accessory. She worked in retail for several years, and even her bunions didn't slow her down.

Lately, it's been harder for her to get around, but if someone is willing to take her (me), nothing will stand in her way, even if she has to do it sitting down. "How can I see anything from this angle? Nothing is arranged properly for handicapped people. Bring it closer. Push me faster. Back up. Go check all of the fitting rooms. That top has to be here somewhere. What do the salespeople know?" Several hours later, you could still find us in the same department of the department store.

Recently, we found a new place to have lunch at my mom's favorite store. We picnic in the bedding department. I lay out our drinks and sandwiches on one of the display beds, while we take a short break. We had to relocate to this section, as all of the regular public seating areas have been filled up with holiday shoppers. I keep waiting for a sign that says; FOR DISPLAY USE ONLY.  NO PICNICS ALLOWED YOU TWO, but  people just smile when they see us. You know that smile for people who had a day pass from the asylum.

My mom still has a great eye, and a wonderful sense of the most flattering cuts for your body type. She continues to help me shop for the whole family. It's not too late to hire my mom for Christmas and New Year's. If there's a man in your life that you won't miss much, my mom is here to help. And she can do it in less than five hours.