My Son The J.D.

No he is not a juvenile delinquent. Our son is a Juris Doctor, and we just came back from his law school graduation. Since he had some extra time off before graduation, we decided to take a road trip to Asheville, North Carolina. We toured the Biltmore Estate that George Vanderbilt built for his mother  in 1895. It reminded us of an American version of the castle on Downton Abbey. Each room was more magnificent than the next, and every detail was covered in opulence. While most homes at the time didn't even have electricity, he had a working elevator, and a lighted indoor pool. The Vanderbilt's also gave back to the community, and his wife Edith started a school to train African American women as skilled maids in the early 1900's.

The Biltmore Estate

                                                         

The next day we went hiking in a forest preserve in the Blue Ridge Mountains. Panic set in, when we passed a gas station sign warning that they had the only public restrooms for eight miles. That was more frightening to me than climbing up a thousand feet. My husband and son were looking forward to seeing wildlife. The advertisements sighted everything from bears to white tailed squirrels. As I was walking, I discovered an unusual tubular shaped worm. I called them over to see it. Our son noticed that the creature had several legs, and they both were fascinated by this odd looking centipede. I suggested that they take a photo, as this would be the only wildlife we would find on the trail. They just laughed, but they should have snapped that picture. The trail did have several views of  two amazing waterfalls. We  met a couple who raved about another beautiful park with spectacular views. When we finally found it hours later, we were surprised to find flying turkeys.

Back at the campus, our son gave us a great tour of the trophy room, and the beautiful wooded surroundings in Durham. We also saw his house and met some of his roommates for the first time. After dinner we went to have an early celebration with some of his friends and their parents. Everyone was friendly and excited for the graduation. We were surprised to find out that our son is the only one out of his friends who will be returning home to work. The other moms were disappointed that their boys found jobs out of state. This made us appreciate how lucky we were. It seemed like just yesterday when he liked to keep his social life private from us, and now he was eagerly introducing us to everyone he knew, and included us in all of the festivities.

It poured on the way to the graduation ceremony, but fortunately it was held inside the basketball stadium. Sadly, one of their classmates was killed in a car accident in March, and the students led a  standing ovation when his name was called. The whole experience was very emotional. We felt terrible that our younger son couldn't be there, as he was studying for college finals, and we knew how badly my mom wanted to come. The trip would have been too difficult for her, and my brother wanted to stay close by in case my mom needed him.

We were all so proud of what our son has accomplished. He earned an undergraduate degree in engineering, and will be working as a patent attorney. He insisted on doing everything on his own without taking special classes for the LSAT or tutors. There was only one time that I remember our son complaining when he was studying for the law school admission test (LSAT). As math was always his strength, he was frustrated while working on multiple choice questions. Though I've never tested well, I asked him to give me three sample questions. From years of watching lawyers on TV, I knew that the object was to trick us. Since the stakes were high, I literally willed myself to get the answers right. That was the last time my boy complained about law school.

Note: We will be leaving for a family vacation at the end of the week. I look forward to catching up with everyone when we return next month.

Reflections On A to Z Part III

                                       

                                                                             

The nice thing about participating in A to Z is that you never knew what would happen as you wrote through the alphabet. This was my third Challenge, and I was constantly met with surprises along the way. It was almost like attending a virtual class reunion. Bloggers that I lost touch with welcomed me with open arms, and we just picked up where we left off last year. New friendships were formed, and faithful followers continued to tune in.

Some posts garnered more responses than others. Everyone was a good sport whether they were laughing at  Frequent Flatulence,  or contemplating  Ridiculous Rules of Religion.  I thought I might have stirred up a little controversy, but the audience seemed to be in on the joke.

With over 1700 participants, it was difficult to even get through a quarter of the list. Fortunately, the Blogging From A to Z Challenge  site highlighted many bloggers who were just starting out. This helped narrow down the list for me, and I enjoyed connecting with some terrific new blogs.

Alex J. Cavanaugh  also was key in spotlighting interesting bloggers each day. These direct links helped save time sifting through people who had multiple blogs, or little information on Google+.

I would like to thank  Arlee Bird,  the co-hosts, and all of the A to Z ambassadors and minions for another extraordinary April. You all worked 'round the clock to make sure that everyone had a meaningful experience, complete with a road map, and a cheering squad.

My only regrets were that I couldn't read or type faster. I hope that I've finally gotten caught up with comments, and I apologize to anyone I've left out. I really appreciate everyone who has taken the time to read and comment on my posts, and I will continue to try to reciprocate.

Next weekend our older son will be graduating from law school, and we're heading out to see him in a few days. Wishing all the mom's an early Happy Mother's Day, and happy blogging to all!

Zoodikers for Zaftig Zelda

Zaftig Zelda longed for romance,

Zhlubs just got in her way.

Zoster held her in tight,

Zephyr Bar was having Ladies Day.

Zoologist came to greet her,

Zebras zig-zagged on her skirt.

Zibibs flowing at the bar,

Zelda quickly began to flirt.

Zach admired all her tails,

Zingers flying through the air.

Zayde told him he would find her,

Zealously searching in his prayers.

Zip Car drove them to his grandparents,

Zelda couldn't see a thing.

Zach guided her with his flashlight,

Zoodikers could that be a ring?!

Zadie and Bubee started cheering,

Zaftig one was getting dressed for the feast.

Zounds abounds at the graveyard,

Zombies drooled at the zesty beast.

Just as one chapter ends, another begins. Instead of waiting until the official IWSG meeting tomorrow, I thought I'd address my insecurity today. This is my third "Z" poem for  the  A to Z Challenge  and I'm a little anxious about it.

The problem is that I wanted to include words that I hadn't used or even heard of before. This raises the issue of clarity, so I'd like to use this opportunity to provide some definitions in order of appearance.

zaftig - plump, buxom, well-rounded (of a female)

zhlub - an ill-mannered, insensitive person

zoster - a girdle

zibis - an alcoholic drink made from raisins

zayde - grandfather

zoodikers - an exclamation

bubee - grandmother

My grandpa once told me to keep a dictionary at my bedside. That way if I came across a word I didn't know, I could look it up without losing my train of thought. This was sage advice, and the Internet makes it even easier to do so. Consequently, problems may arise as some words have different spellings. For example, zhlub is the Yiddish spelling of schlub. Schlubs are just as annoying as zhlubs, but the "Z" version worked best for the poem.
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Perhaps  The Insecure Writer's Support Group  could shed some light on this matter. In the meantime,  I want to thank  Arlee Bird,   Alex J. Cavanaugh,  and the rest of the  A to Z Challenge  co-hosts, and minions for another amazing April. I could go on and on, but I'm oysgematert (exhausted).

Yodeling In My Yaktrax

                                                                       


I'll never forget our first family ski vacation. My husband wanted to start our boys out early by skipping the bunny hills, and heading out to the more challenging runs of Park City, Utah when they were three and six years old. While they were learning the ropes in ski school, he took me on some beginner runs. That was when I first realized he was a liar. The green "beginner" runs out West were much more difficult than the green runs in the Midwest, and I was petrified. 

Rewind to my first ski trip with my best friend, and her brother when I was seventeen.  We had a special weekend package in Michigan that included lessons. My first lesson was an hour long and my instructor ditched me after twenty two minutes. He said that I was too dangerous to ski with. I'm not really sure what bothered him most. Was it when I fell on him getting off of the chair lift causing a domino effect behind us, or was it when I couldn't control my speed forcing others to fall as I miraculously made it down the hill?  Later, I fell down so many times that I looked like the Abominable Snowman. People were terrified to ride on the lift with me. Thanks to my blow dryer, I was virtually unrecognizable as I danced the night away. 

Back in Park City, my kids weren't as excited about skiing as my husband was. My three year old even went sleep skiing in between my husband's legs. We have a video of my older son smoothly skiing off of the chair lift, while I did a graceful belly flop into the snow. My boys were quickly learning, as I was growing more fearful. Though my husband was teaching me how to control my speed by turning; the minute I felt I was losing control I would fall down. I don't know how many times my family skied passed me, while I was stranded with one ski in the middle of a snowdrift. I yelled for help so loudly that I was worried I'd start an avalanche. I also yelled out a few unkind words to my husband.

It probably was no accident that he led me to an abandoned run, but they eventually came back for me. When the boys heard my screams, they asked why I was so upset. I told them that I was just practicing yodeling; while I was making an obscene gesture with my ski pole at my husband.

Note: This is a re-post from my first A to Z Challenge in  2011.

Wasted Moments

                                                                     

He didn't waste a moment,

Dreaming of his special girl.

Her face lit up the room,

Her teeth, the color of pearl.

No, no it wasn't right. It was too cliche. He threw the paper into the trash can, and started typing again. He hated being so wasteful, but he just had to do better. He began to type when he heard a knock at the door. It was his wasted roommate. "Sorry man I forgot my key." After he passed out in the corner, he went back to his poem.

He didn't waste a moment,

Dreaming of his special girl.

She brought him all his favorite treats,

Including ice cream with a swirl.

He read it aloud, and thought that even his wasted roommate would have been more creative, and he was passed out. Just then the phone rang. It was the  pretty girl in apartment 5D. She called to see if he wanted company. Though all the guys were after her, she reminded him of a quarterback he used to know. Winnie had broad shoulders, a thick waist, and very slim hips. Besides, his best girl was coming over in an hour, and he had no time to spare.

She arrived like clockwork with that opalescent, pearly grin. He shyly handed her his poem.

While other gals would fuss and moan,

His best times were with her alone.

No matter what he'd do or say,

She always loved him anyway.

She'd always whisper "Haste makes waste."

While mixing up tomato paste.

He'd look over at her tiny waist

Enjoying every single taste.

Her voice kept playing in his head,

He'd dream about her whilst in bed.

Whenever they spent time away,

He loved her more each Mother's Day.

Overcome with joy Mrs. Bates gave her son Norman a giant hug, before they prepared his wasted roommate's body for burial.

The Vanity Game

                                                                 


A heavyset man walks out of the shower at the gym. After he finishes drying off, he throws the towel on the floor, and starts walking toward his locker. Then he bumps into an acquaintance, and proceeds to have a lengthy conversation with him, and two other clothed men.

Forty five minutes later, a young man barges in with a TV crew. He approaches the naked man and says, "You're it." The man looks for a towel, and tries to cover up with a dirty sweat sock from the floor. "Oh, don't worry about that. We'll just shoot you from above the waist. Will somebody bring him a towel? Doesn't mean I need to look at it though." The camera starts rolling, as the conversation continues.

Naked Guy: What's going on?

Host: This is a pilot for a new game show that's a combination of  Candid Camera, Punk'd, and America's Funniest Home Videos.

Naked Guy: (tightening his towel)  I don't feel comfortable being seen without my clothes on.

Host: That's funny 'cause we know you've been talking to your buddies over here wearing nothing but deodorant. And this isn't the first time. We have footage of you for months on end. Some days you just head right to the showers, and don't even pretend to workout.

Naked Guy: How do you know all this? Who sent you here?

(Camera pans to the door as his wife walks in. She's all decked out in designer yoga attire, shiny bling, and a spray tan.)

Vanessa: Hello Victor.

Naked Guy: I knew this was a setup. What do you want from me?

Vanessa: Just keep embarrassing yourself, and when you win the prize I'll give you a divorce.

Host: What are you planning on doing with the prize money Vanessa?

Vanessa: Oh a nip here, a tuck there. Victor says I don't need these things, but what does her know? He's all washed up. (the crew laughs)

Naked Guy: Look at her. She's already beautiful. Her vanity has gotten the best of her.

Vanessa: I'm not vain, I'm practical. And what about you?

Naked Guy: I'm standing here naked in front of millions of viewers. There's not a vain bone in my body.

Host: Well, let's not forget this is cable...

Vanessa: What about all of your manscaping? You could spend hours plucking and trimming your chest, but you let your ear hair run wild.

Naked Guy: After my lousy haircut grows out, you won't even see my ear hair.

Vanessa: But I'll know it's there. And what about all of your facials, as well as your weekly pedicures?

Naked Guy: Well look at me. You know I can barely reach my toes. I just try to look nice for you.

Vanessa: Then why did we join a health club if you won't even use the equipment?

Naked Guy: I knew YOU wanted to join. I tried a few times, but I started huffing and puffing so loudly that I thought I was going to explode. Not to mention how much I was sweating. Even old ladies laughed at me when I had trouble keeping up with them on the treadmill. I just couldn't stand making a spectacle of myself anymore.

(Vanessa moves closer, and takes his hand.)

Host: Okay, we are done here people. (motions to crew) Stop rolling.

Vanessa: So did I win the prize?

Host: You won big time, and it's all wrapped up in that nice, fluffy towel.

Ode To Un

Ursula was sipping her uncola,

Unintentionally twirling her hair.

Undecided about what to tell him,

Unusually wrapped up in despair.

Usher was being fitted for his uniform,

Unsung heroes were always fun to play.

Unitard was a bit imposing,

Underwear crept up on him all day.

Unapproachable she went to see him,

Unibrow smiled as she sneered.

Undeterred by her pleas for freedom,

Unsuspecting female thought he cared.

Usher's call to Ursula was unanswered,

Unfathomable images came to mind.

Until he could wait no longer,

Usher quickly started to unwind.

Underworld boss tied her to the train tracks,

Uncontrollable anguish fueled his rage.

Understudy swept Ursula off to safety,

United once again on center stage.

Unbeknownst to the playwright,

Unassuming boy with shoeshine kit emerged.

Ungrateful for stealing all his secrets,

Underdog's story was shut down without a word.