Wednesday, October 9, 2013
High Heels and Butterflies
A new study revealed that women who wore high heels while shopping were likely to spend less than women in comfortable shoes. Some women might use this theory to rationalize buying expensive stilettos as a good investment. This could only lead to trouble in the shopping malls.
Just when I thought that I had heard every abbreviation imaginable for embarrassing conditions, I saw an ad for Butterfly, "A new kind of discreet protection for ABL (accidental bowel leakage). Butterfly adheres securely and invisibly in the buttocks, giving you a new kind of protection you can count on."
The ad features a youthful fifty three year old smiling woman. Would she still be smiling if she tripped in her high heels, and had a Butterfly lodged up in her heinie? What if this woman was also suffering from OAB (overactive bladder)? Then she would likely be sporting a Poise prevention pad. A bad fall could cause it to disappear into the abyss. How would the ER doctors decide which end to operate on first?
Between Stayfree, Always, Tena/Serenity, Poise and now Butterfly, women will be faced with even more challenges as to what goes where. As for men who also suffer from ABL, otherwise known as ESM (excessive skid marks), I suggest a masculine body liner in the shape of a catcher's mitt aptly named Stayhome.
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We live in a world of acronyms because letters and shortcuts are so much easier to deal with than the scarier, three or four syllable words.
Julie, that made me laugh!!ReplyDelete
Hilarious to read.....and true Julie.ReplyDelete
Ha! A catchers mitt shaped pad for men. LOL. I often need Depends while reading your blog.ReplyDelete
Arleen - Acronyms are definitely quicker and easier. Thanks Arleen!ReplyDelete
Alex - Thank you Captain!
Yvonne - I really appreciate your kind words! Thank you!
LG - TMI, but that's OK! Haha! Thanks LG!
OK this made me laugh-- but beyond the surface of the subject, what made me laugh is that you sat down and thought this all through. And the reason THAT makes me laugh is it is so much like what goes on in my mind sometimes. This chain of chatter that leads me from one thought to the next about things that strike me odd, ridiculous or funny. :)ReplyDelete
Julie - I knew that I liked you! I agree that this is a combination of "odd, ridiculous and funny." Glad we're on the same wave length. Thanks Julie!ReplyDelete
Robin - Sometimes it's just safer that way! Thanks Robin!
lol! Stay home. God forbid we confuse the doctors and I prefer my butterflies flitting around my flowers. I don't think I'll ever look at these products quite the same way again. Hopefully, I'll never need them either.ReplyDelete
Sia McKye Over Coffee
LOL! What a picture. The thought leaves me wordless.ReplyDelete
ha ha - this post is priceless. It's great and so true!ReplyDelete
Oh my, Julie, you've got to be um, skidding. Or, maybe I'm skidding. I shall duly check. Hilarious and I hope I don't trip on the way to the can. My high heels are a pain in the ass. Wait, that didn't sound right....ReplyDelete
This was hysterical, Julie. ESM <- so funny! It almost made me pee in my pants and go run out for Depends, utra absorbent, size Medium, the 40-pack. No, the 25 pack. Name brand. No generic is much cheaper. Maybe I'll stick with Always with wings. Oy, the choices.ReplyDelete
I couldn't stop laughing because I know that there are people out there who are making tons of money with those products. Now, you've given me a great idea. I must spend more time developing products than can stop leakages from the front and back. I'm going to call my first invention 'The Great Plugin', ha ha ha ha.ReplyDelete
Oh, I forgot to say, that I wonder if the people who created those products, tried them out on themselves first.......Delete
Hi Julie - talk about being able to take the mickey .. or attach the stickies .. or just breathe and don't shop ... now that seems very sensible!ReplyDelete
What descriptions .. "butterflies adhere securely and invisibly in the buttocks" - well just thinking about that .. the ramifications et al ... make me laugh ... crumbs I wonder if we have them here - I guess so ...
Poor butterflies I say .. no wonder so many are the Natural History Museum .. cheers and have a laugh-athon over the weekend .. Hilary
Sia - I agree that butterflies should be "flitting around the flowers" instead! Thanks Sia!ReplyDelete
Yvonne - It is a tough image to get out of your head! Thanks Yvonne!
Mary - It's good that we could laugh about these things! Thanks Mary!
Gary - I do hope that you and Penny refrain from wearing high heels to prevent skidding! Just kidding! Thanks Gary!
Robyn - Stop being so modest, you are definitely a size small in Depends. It's good that you're thinking ahead, but I wouldn't start stocking up just yet! Thanks Robyn!
Rum-Punch Drunk - i would've loved to have been a butterfly on the wall while they were trying out this product! I have a request for your "Great Plugin'" idea. Maybe you could work your way up to a special nose mitten for soup or spicy food eaters! Let me know if you come up with anything! Thanks RPD!ReplyDelete
Hilary - Ah "the ramifications...!" Very well put Hilary! Hope that you have a "laugh-a-thon" this weekend too! Thanks Hilary!
As far as I am concerned, there is only one male version, and it's available at Home Depot. It's called a shovel. It is a one-time remedy. Just dig a six-foot hole in your backyard and jump in. Oh, and don't forget to tell your wife she can buy all the shoes she wants in the morning.ReplyDelete
JJ - The shoes are tempting, but I'm not crazy about the backyard idea. Maybe there's a well that's walking distance?! Very funny JJ, but I know that it will never come to that. After you reach a ripe old age, women will still find you attractive no matter what.Delete
The entire scene, complete with vivid imagery, played out in my mind's eye... thanks for the ROTFL moment!ReplyDelete
... and butterflies are such gentle creatures... flitting about quite happily... just going about their daily business... minding their own... now I'm going to look at them in a different way... poor butterflies... LOL
"Stayhome" ... priceless!ReplyDelete
Michelle - No actual butterflies were harmed in any way during this post, so please try to get the images out of your mind! Thanks Michelle!ReplyDelete
Carol - I could just picture them trying to follow the instructions in the gym locker room! Thanks Carol!
HA! Hilarious! There's a stand-up comedienne who's done a routine along these lines, and one of her funniest observations was about the panty liners designed for women to wear when they AREN'T having their periods. To what? Protect them from their underwear?ReplyDelete
If women are supposed to use all those kinda products, men should have one, too. A masculine hygiene product, if you will. It could be called Umpire... a spray deodorant for... (ready?)... foul balls. (Sorry.)
Susan - Though her act sounds good, I like your line even better! It would be fun if we became lounge lizards, and toured some of the finest bowling alleys together! Thanks Susan!Delete
I hope you had as much fun writing this as I had reading it. So many great lines, but I think "stayhome" was the best. Thanks for the laughs.ReplyDelete
LOL...awesome and the things we do in the name of hygiene :DReplyDelete
Rhonda - Thanks for making my day! I'm glad that we both had a good time!ReplyDelete
Mark - Happy pants, happy self, or something like that! Thanks Mark!
Lmao wow yeah I think that could turn into one heck of a medical dilemma. ;-)ReplyDelete
Misha - I would hate to see what they wrote on the patient's chart afterward! Thanks Misha!Delete
This post made me laugh so much Julie! Firstly, what a great excuse to buy new shoes! Wow, I'll have to try that one - except that I never wear heels anyway…hmm, might seem odd if I do. As for the butterfly et al…well, I never would have imagined!ReplyDelete
I haven't been checking my blogs of late but I have to say I missed visiting this blog. Oh Julie you make me laugh so :)ReplyDelete
Val - I've been seeing lots of colorful boat shoes which also happen to be comfortable. The ad caught me by surprise too. Thanks Val!ReplyDelete
Thank you so much Jen! I've always enjoyed reading your blog too! Sorry that we lost touch after A to Z. I'll try to check-in more often. Hope you feel better, and get some much needed rest.
The ending made me laugh out loud. Another fun post, Julie. :DReplyDelete
All right. I've been inundated with humor today. This was great and stilettos are definitely on my list. Well, maybe my long list and at the bottom. Oh dear, now my comment sounds like I'm following through with the theme of this post. Guess I am. BTW have you seen the YouTube add for the product, Pot-Pourrie? You must.ReplyDelete
Thanks Julie, and good luck with the rest of jury duty.ReplyDelete
Lee - Saw it, and LOVED it! Poo-Pourrie Spray has been making the rounds in blogland! Thanks Lee!
Oh, I don't know. It's probably no worse than the name for adult diapers.ReplyDelete
"So, doctor, if I use this product, I won't stain my pants when I piss myself?"
"Well. That Depends."
Sorry, that was too easy.
It needed to be said, and nobody does it better! Thanks Al!Delete
There's a study for everything and I suppose a product that comes as a result of the study.ReplyDelete
I'm scared. Thing's are getting more bizarre, but I'm starting also to see the practicality of some of these products. Whatever that means.
Tossing It Out
Lee - We just have to stay as active as possible, and hope for the best. Thanks Lee!Delete
Banned complain !! Complaining only causes life and mind become more severe. Enjoy the rhythm of the problems faced. No matter ga life, not a problem not learn, so enjoy it :)ReplyDelete
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