The Down-Low on DUFF's

                                                                     

             


The other day I was telling my mom about the elderly text list that I posted for the letter 'A' in the A to Z Challenge.  I asked her if she knew what BFF stood for, and she replied, "You mean DUFF? It stands for Designated Ugly Fat Friend."

At first I thought my mom heard a promo for the new teen movie, but she said that my brother told her all about it. This struck me funny, because my brother prides himself on keeping our mom abreast of current events. I decided to investigate further.

Author Kasey Edwards from stuff.co.nz offered her insights on the DUFF, "To creepy pick-up artists, she's the gatekeeper - the bodyguard who must be out-maneuvered in order to score with her hotter friend."

The article told how 17- year-old Kody Keplinger wrote the novel after a boy had the nerve to ask who was the DUFF in her group.

"When I first heard [the term DUFF] I thought, 'That's hilarious and super clever,'" Keplinger told the New York Post. "Then, I thought - 'Wait, that's super mean.' And then: 'Oh crap, that's me! I am the DUFF of my group! I realized that everyone is insecure and thinks they're the DUFF." 

In an attempt to boost self-esteem in teenage girls, beautiful celebrities have been seen sporting t-shirts proclaiming, "I'm somebody's DUFF." With all of the nasty names I was called as a teenager, I think this would've hurt the most. 

As I expressed my concerns to Mom, she retorted, "Are you still on the letter 'D?' Why don't you come back to me when you're up to 'G.' I've never been a DUFF, but I do know a thing or two about being a GILF."*

*GILF - Grandma I'd Like To...Fool around with 

Whether you celebrate Passover or Easter, wishing everyone a happy holiday weekend!

Courage in Constipation

The pain was throbbing.
From side to back.
Sharp and piercing.
All systems under attack.

It hurt to stand,
Or sit or walk.
Suddenly stooped over,
Mouth tasted like chalk.

Off to the hospital,
What could it be?
Was it her gallbladder?
Or did she need an appendectomy?

After hours of tests,
They handed her a bottle.
"Drink this for constipation.
It will have you moving full throttle."

Surrounded by gun shot wounds,
Burn victims and battered hos.
She became known in the ER,
As the girl who couldn't go.

Blokes With Bad Habits

Before their first goodnight kiss,
He leaned in closer to his Miss.
As the birds began to chirp,
He let out a most thunderous burp.

Another man at a business meeting,
Intent on providing a memorable greeting.
When suddenly he wore a silly grin,
As he tried to keep from breaking wind.

Bossy Bradley always had his way,
Or else he would refuse to play.
Once when his parents tried to discipline him,
He shipped them off to Siberia on a whim.

Looks and charm, this guy had it all,
Though one flaw would cause his downfall.
At a close glance, the girls would grow colder,
As they were overcome by his ghastly body odor.

Adolescent Antics At Assisted Living & IWSG

                                                                       

Funny/by A Place For Mom Senior Living

                                                                                   

My mom was on her best behavior, as she was navigating her way through assisted living. Her insecurities flared up whenever a new person peered out of the doorway. She was the freshman in the land of scrutinizing seniors. A lone redhead in a sea of blue haired ladies. My mother thought it would be easier to keep to herself. I pleaded with her to have dinner with everyone, but she was determined to keep to herself. When I asked her why she wouldn't join the others she replied, "Because they're a bunch of old people."

Soon after, she began receiving dinner invitations from the other residents, and joined the "in-crowd." She enjoyed hanging out with the gals, but didn't share their views on the male residents. While most women would jump at the chance for companionship, my mom would rather roll her walker over most of the men she's met. "I would never go out with him. Do you know what he has the nerve to do?  He saturates his food with pepper before he even tastes it. I don't know how his wife puts up with it."

I couldn't believe my ears, "You never mentioned he was married."

To which my mom replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"  Of course, my mom was only kidding. He preferred salt.

                                                               

This brings me to the IWSG. Part of the story was factual, yet it was mixed with a dash of fiction. If I tried to categorize it, I would call it faction, or would fictual be more accurate? Needless to say, my mom started out as an insecure newbie, until she became more comfortable in her new surroundings. The same can be said for many of us before we joined  Alex J. Cavanaugh's, Insecure Writer's Support Group. Alex and the gang are always there to provide endless support, and pour pepper on our wounds when we need it the most.

We Can All Relate To Nick Wilford's: A Change of Mind

When our boys were growing up, I often struggled with following through on threats and punishments that I made in the heat of the moment. Many of our "discussions" revolved around making even the slightest changes. Changing from considering everything finger food to eating with utensils, changing their dirty clothes, and constantly changing their rotating bedtimes were only a few on the list.  As hard as I tried to invoke strict bedtime rules, they would usually charm their way into staying up later, and they learned early on how easy it was to get me to change my mind.

Though they're all grown up now, I've noticed that some things never change, but maybe this will help:
                                                                   

www.dumpaday.com



Congratulations to Nick on his latest release!

Title: A Change of Mind and Other Stories

Author: Nick Wilford

Genre: Contemporary speculative fiction

Cover Design:  Rebekah Romani

Release Date: May 25^th 2015

A Change of Mind and Other Stories consists of a novella, four short stories and one flash fiction piece. This collection puts the extremes of human behaviour under the microscope with the help of lashings of dark humour, and includes four pieces previously published in Writer’s Muse magazine.

In A Change of Mind, Reuben is an office worker so meek and mild he puts up with daily bullying from his boorish male colleagues as if it’s just a normal part of his day. But when a stranger points him in the direction of a surgeon offering a revolutionary new procedure, he can’t pass up the chance to turn his life around.

But this isn’t your average surgeon. For a start, he operates alone in a small room above a mechanic’s. And he promises to alter his patients’ personality so they can be anything they want to be…

In Marissa, a man who is determined to find evidence of his girlfriend’s infidelity ends up wondering if he should have left well alone.

The Dog God finds a chink in the armour of a man with a megalomaniacal desire to take over the world.

In The Insomniac, a man who leads an obsessively regimented lifestyle on one hour’s sleep a night finds a disruption to his routine doesn’t work for him.

Hole In One sees a dedicated golfer achieving a lifelong ambition.

The Loner ends the collection on a note of hope as two family members try to rebuild their lives after they are torn apart by jealousy.

Bio

Nick Wilford is a writer and stay-at-home dad. Once a journalist, he now makes use of those rare times when the house is quiet to explore the realms of fiction, with a little freelance editing and formatting thrown in. When not working, he can usually be found spending time with his family or cleaning something. Nick is also the editor of Overcoming Adversity: An Anthology for Andrew. You can find him hanging out on his blog or on  Goodreads or Twitter.

Preorder Links: Amazon US, Amazon UK

Add it on Goodreads

A Pair To Remember

                                                                           

                                           

Flap, flap, flap,

Driving to the store.

Where's my grocery list?

I'll be back for more.

Flap, flap, flap,

I've lost my phone again.

I thought I left it upstairs,

Better check the den.

Flap, flap, flap 

Hurrying to the gym

Wait, I don't belong here.

Look at the shape I'm in.

Flap, flap, flap,

What's that actor's name?

He was in that silly movie,

This is driving me insane.

Flap, flap, flap,

"Do you hear that flapping, Ma?"

"Well, I wasn't gonna say anything,

But you forgot to wear a bra."

When A to Z and IWSG Collide

                                                               

   

It's time for another edition of the Insecure Writer's Support Group.  Be sure to visit this encouraging group of bloggers. This year the first Wednesday in April coincides with the letter "A" in the A to Z Challenge.

Though I didn't participate in the festivities last year, the first Wednesday in April 2014 corresponded with the letter "B" of the challenge. Since I still haven't begun writing my twenty six posts for April, I thought I'd take you through the best or worst of "B"s.

                                                                                                                

In 2011, I wrote about Battling Bulges. As writers, we often need to trim the fat from our stories, before we become overstuffed on adjectives, and run-on sentences.

The following year was all about the Brutality of Bra Shopping. Many readers are in search of an uplifting experience, and it's our job to provide it for them. Though sometimes it's difficult to find the perfect fit, especially when our audience outgrows our material. Somehow that didn't happen in our YA days.

In 2013, my "B" topic was on Beauty Shop Bullies. This subject provides three options for the IWSG.  Bloggers have their choice of beauty shops, bullies, or both. Though I can't imagine anyone else has encountered an eighty something year old bully at their mother's beauty shop. There are bullies who do try to discourage us from writing, and there are plenty of writers who are insecure about their hair. Although we can all agree that Alex  and  Arlee are a cut above the rest.

Please keep in mind that the  IWSG meets on the first day of the  A to Z Challenge, so put your "A" game on. I look forward to participating, and cheering on the wonderful A to Z blogging community. I'll never forget my very first challenge in 2011. It was shortly after I started blogging, and I had no idea what to expect. When I told my mom I was going to be extremely busy that April, she replied without missing a beat, "I'll try not to die this month." Thankfully, she kept her promise.