Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Stamping Out Junk Mail

                                                                                      Julie Kemp Pick



The other day I was going through the typical assortment of bills, and catalogues when a certain letter caught my eye. It was bright yellow with the headline, NEED DAILY CASH - HERE IT IS “GUARANTEED”!!! Well I was saving up for a new robe, so I read further. The next sentence explained that I could earn over 2 million dollars within 6 to 18 months if I followed 3 easy steps starting with a $25 membership fee. I turned the flyer around to see if there was a giant GOTCHA written on it, but found the heading, "This new program is SCAM FREE!!!" instead. 

I was taught to be weary of the single exclamation point. However, triple exclamation points always cancel out the single one, factoring in a double negative which becomes a positive, so it must be true. The first step to becoming a millionaire is to send $5 to five members on the list. They include men and women from Pennsylvania to Tennessee. I'm still waiting to find out if they accepted my friendship requests on Facebook. They're probably busy running back and forth from the bank everyday.

After I send the first five checks in, I'm supposed to invite 5 new members, who each invite 5 new members and so on. In the meantime, I’ll be receiving “tons of $5 CASH from each new member” under me.

There are two more levels before I'm on the road to luxury. I just have to increase my cash payments to $50 for 5 members at level 2, and by the time I reach level 3 my payments will jump to $500 each. Because I’ll also be receiving money, I’ll only have to invest the original $25 plus a $15 monitoring fee. This amazing program will enable me to turn $40 into $2,167,275 within 6-18 months.

I wanted to call the head of marketing to thank him in advance for this “revolutionary new plan,” but I couldn’t reach him. Come to think of it, he never even mentioned his name. Suddenly, I have an overwhelming urge to watch reruns of the $100,000 Pyramid on the Game Show Network.

19 comments:

  1. Someone's getting rich, but it's not you or me.

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  2. I agree with the above comments, it's not the likes of us reaping the benefits.

    Yvonne.

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  3. It's hard to believe there is anyone who actually falls for this stuff, but obviously some do. Sad.

    I chuckled about saving up for a new robe! :D

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  4. Only $25 and your not going to give it a try? LOL - the math is logical, it ends there. This is hilarious. Thanks.

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  5. Julie: Wait until your son graduates from law school!!

    Thanks for stopping by my site. I automatically follow anyone who blogs with Manzi. She is fantastic. Be well.

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  6. I love the exclamation point explanation! Priceless!

    Put me on the list and I'll help you try to reach the idiot, oh, I mean, man, in charge! LOL

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  7. @JJ - They'll probably be long gone by then! I agree that Manzi is fantastic! Thanks for visiting and following me! I look forward to seeing more of you! Julie

    @EmptyNester - Thank you so much!!! I did try star 67 before dialing the number on the flyer, and was kind of relieved that no one answered. I doubt that I would be able to make a long distance citizen's arrest, but he might confess all after a few minutes with you! Julie

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  8. Oh, what a funny funny posting! I love your sense of humor.

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  9. Oh my, too funny! If only you'd gotten the man in charge and told him about some great new plan of yours that would trump his idea. Pretty sure "scam free" means "CAUTION: MAJOR SCAM!"

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  10. @Susan - Thank you and I love your sense of humor too!

    @Shannon - Now that would've really made for a great story! Next time I'll contact you first, and we could work on a strategic plan!

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  11. Hi, a new follower here. Came over from Manzi. Sort of a funny story. Are these things still going around?

    Denise

    Romantic Friday Writers - Second Challenge - LOST

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  12. I will never look at exclamation marks the same way again!!! ;) (Truly enjoyed this post. Thank you.)

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  13. Loved this post, Julie! I think I left comments on it when you first posted, and then Blogger ate them. I laughed at your line about saving up for a new robe, cute! :D

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  14. @Denise - These mailings must still be going strong! Thanks so much for following me, and I will head over to your blog right away!

    @Jeffrey - Thanks for stopping by during this extremely busy time. Best of luck with The Awakening!

    @Julie - So sorry you had to read this twice. Now that you've done extra credit, I owe you a free pass! Now I remember your funny robe comment! Thanks again, Julie

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  15. I really needed the laughter. Thanks.

    And thanks for following me to my site and commenting. It means a lot, Roland

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  16. Thanks Roland, I'm sorry it took me so long to find you, but I'm glad I finally did. Julie

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  17. I hate chain letters, especially ones like this!

    Joyce
    http://joycelansky.blogspot.com

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  18. I couldn't agree more Joyce! Thanks for stopping by. Julie

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