Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Meddling Mothers and Disappointing Daughters



Host: It's time to play Meddling Mothers and Disappointing Daughters, the only game show where mothers and daughters try to get along to win  prizes that the mothers will never be able to operate in the first place. Let's meet the contestants...(He notices that one mother is still trying to climb up into her chair)  Do you need some help Dorothy?

Dorothy: No, I'm fine thank you.

Dorothy's daughter: Just grab my hand, and let me give you a boost.

Dorothy: I said I don't need any help. STOP RUSHING ME!

Host: Okay, let's move on to Gladys and her daughter Gretchen. How many times do you call your mother a day?

Gretchen: Once.

Host: And you Felicia?

Felicia: I call my mother once a week.

(A loud siren sounds)

Host: Where's Dorothy?

Dorothy's daughter:  She fell down and her Life Alert alarm went off.

(The paramedics lift Dorothy into her seat)

Dorothy's daughter: I call my mother six times a day. She hangs up on me, and says, "It's never enough."

(The bell sounds ding ding ding)

Host: You are correct. The answer is, "Never enough." You just won a case of prune juice. You must be very proud of your daughter Dorothy!

Dorothy: Did you see how nice those paramedics were? Why couldn't you have married someone like that?

Host: All right then. Now we'll ask the mothers a question. Gladys when is the last time you said something nice to your daughter?

Gladys: Don't we get a lunch break?

Host: It's only been ten minutes. We'll have snacks after the show.

Gladys: But this is when I eat lunch.

Gretchen: Here Mom, I brought you a sandwich. (takes one out of her purse)

Gladys: It's on rye bread. I like a nice roll. I can't eat this. What's wrong with you?

Fanny: I'll take it. I'm starving. (Looks at her own daughter Felicia) Why don't you ever make me lunch?

Host: Fanny, when is the last time you said something nice to your daughter?

Fanny: That's easy. As we were driving over, I told my daughter that her dress was very pretty...

Host: Well, that is nice.

Fanny: And I'm sure that if she lost ten pounds it would actually fit her.

Host: Maybe we should just throw out that question. Dorothy, when was the last time your daughter took you to the doctor?

Dorothy: You know falling down really makes a person thirsty. How come no one offered me a drink or a sandwich?

Host: If you answer the question, I'll get you both.

Dorothy: Okay, yes please.

Host: Yes please what?

Dorothy: I would like both a drink and a sandwich. Soup would be nice too, but I don't want to be a bother.

(Gladys is dashing across the stage with her walker. Her daughter is jogging behind her)

Host: Where are you going?

Gladys: I just remembered I think I forgot to turn off the stove.

Host: Can you have someone else check on it?

Gretchen: It's my stove, and I just got a text that the fire department is heading over to my house.

Gladys: Are we stopping for lunch first, 'cause I still haven't eaten?

Host: Good luck ladies. Be sure to tell us your new address, so we can send you a lifetime supply of incontinence products.

Dorothy: Continents? I can name the continents! There's Asia, Africa.....

Host: Well, that's all the time we have for today. Thanks for playing Meddling Mothers and Disappointing Daughters. (The daughters storm off of the stage) Aren't you forgetting something? Don't leave me alone with your mothers. Come back!!!


  1. haha! This post certainly gave me the laugh I've been needing all day. :)Thanks Julie!

  2. It WOULD be funny if it wasn't so close to the truth for so many.

  3. Nutschell - I hope your day gets better. Thanks Nutschell!

    Delores - Isn't laughing just a litte bit, better than the alternative?


  4. That was a riot!!! If she lost ten pounds it would fit her - awesome!

  5. Too funny! Rye bread? What was she thinking?

  6. Alex - It's funny how many older people don't hesitate to say exactly what they think. Thanks Alex!

    Susan - Just another example of a horrible daughter! Thanks Susan!

  7. so glad my mother, who is 84, isn't like that! Although, she does tend to speak her mind more than she used to :)

  8. Haha! you should be a comedy scriptwriter, I loved this. I can see it on the screen in my mind.

  9. Judy - It is funny how they don't hold back as much with age!

    Jenny - I would love to be a comedy scriptwriter. I wish I knew where to start. Thanks Jenny!

  10. Funny. This reminded me of the 25 times a day call my mother used to call after I left the house. It drove me nuts.

    Hugs and chocolate,

  11. Maybe Dorothy and her daughter would enjoy a brief 4 hour visit to the beauty shop. Falling does make a person hungry. Very, very clever!

  12. Shelly - Oh, I remember those days with my grandma!

    Anon: I'm saving a beauty shop outing for another story! Thanks K!

  13. Sounds like me and my daughter,


  14. Funny. I think you have personal experience :)

  15. This could be a SNL skit. Ha! It's so funny because it's so close to the truth.

  16. This is very funny and realistic, Julie. I especially like the continents line. If only TV shows were as amusing. The networks would do well to hire you.


  17. Yvonne - I know that you're a much better person than these silly characters are. I'm glad your blog is back. I tried to leave a comment, but it didn't go through. I'll try again later.

    Carol - Well, we do like sandwiches!

    Luanne - SNL is one of my favorite shows! Thanks Luanne!

    Robyn - There are lots of funny shows like Modern Family and The Middle, not to mention classics like Curb Your Enthusiasm. I would love to write for a sitcom or a variety show. I could see you coming up with great characters too. Thanks so much Robyn!

  18. Eventually we all become our parents and drive our children crazy. It is the circle of life.

  19. Oh, Julie you've outdone yourself. This is perfect from start to finish. I love it.

  20. Arleen - Sad but true!

    Thanks for making my day Susan!

  21. I'm speechless. Saying anything more would just be us a waste.

  22. Very realistic, I must say. I shall set up the father and son version of that game show. Although, my son on such a show might respond with a "grunt" or maybe, if he's energetic, two "grunts" :)

    Nice one and thank you for your kindess.

    Gary :)

  23. Yvonne - Thank you...I think.

    Gary - Two grunts sounds pretty exhausting to me! Don't worry, it's just a stage. Thanks Gary!

  24. Cute! This is my first visit to your blog. I am looking for empty-nester blogs. I shall look around here and follow! tm

  25. This is funny. I am wondering if this is what my life is going to be.

  26. Ornery - It's nice to meet you! Thanks for following me, and I look forward to getting to know you.

    Munir - Let's think positive and hope for the best! Thanks Munir!


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  28. I was relating to that with me and Mum (who I still miss very much) but then I realised that it could be me and my daughter and now I'm feeling twitchy. Must resolve to be a better Mum.

  29. Oh my Dawg! We have the same mother! I always knew I had a long, lost sister somewhere in the world and now, I've found you.
    Perhaps we can go to therapy together.
    Thanks for stirring me out of my late-winter coma for a really good belly laugh. Spring must be coming.
    Excuse me, I must go call my mother.
    ~Just Jill

  30. sounds like something i would watch---brilliant!

  31. Rosalind - I know that you are nothing like these women, and that you're a wonderful mother. Now stop twitching!

    Jill - I was hoping that this would remind people of their mothers, grandmothers or great aunts! I always wanted a sister too, and would love to join you for therapy! Could it be shop therapy, as it sure beats shock therapy?! Thanks so much Jill!

    Lynn - I'll bring the popcorn, and we could watch it together! Thanks Lynn!

  32. LOL LOL I would definitely watch this. I love Dorothy and the continents and I hope poor Gladys finally got some lunch. Very cute as always, Julie! :)

  33. LOL too funny! Sounds very familiar. I can just imagine what life will be like when my daughter's grown up enough to be snarky. :s

  34. Julie - I'm sure they both had happy endings, but of course they would never admit it! Thanks for always cheering me on Julie!

    Pk - If that happens you'll just give it right back to her! Thanks Pk!

  35. So funny, Julie, and sadly, so true! :-)

    1. Lexa - It's always helpful to have a sense of humor, as you've demonstrated on your blog! Thanks Lexa!

  36. Oh Julie, this was soooooo funny! Thanks for the laughs!
    You should really consider writing a script...
    Btw, how is your A to Z planning coming along?

  37. Thanks Nick, and I'm so excited for Monday!

    Michelle - I just started working on A To Z this weekend. Thanks so much Michelle!

  38. Very funny - and riddled with truth. Let me know when they play Fathers and Sons!

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