Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Why Cheaters Cheat At Any Age

                                                                       
                                                                             
(Tapiture: theCHIVE)

Recently in AARP Magazine, Joe Queenan shared his theories on why many married men don't cheat on their wives. Instead of giving credit to the wives for providing them with everything they could possibly want or need at home, this journalist took a different approach. "Once a man has been married a few decades, the energy he would need to expend on an extramarital affair could be a life-threatening shock to his nervous system. That's why so many older men wouldn't even think of cheating on their wives. It's too exhausting,"

Though this temporarily gave me peace of mind, it reminded me of an incident that occurred many years ago. Long before I met my husband, there was a couple who lived in the nursing home where he worked. Since they were married, they shared a room. They were very social, and made friends easily.

One night after the wife went to bed, the husband decided to stretch his legs. A few minutes later, a nurse's aid walked in on him socializing with his pants down.

This was a perfect set-up for him, as he was able to have dinner with his wife, go out for a late night snack, and be back in his own bed by 7:00 pm. His wife didn't seem to mind getting the extra rest either. He didn't have to worry about buying the other woman gifts, taking her dancing, or even getting dressed for that matter. As for transportation, he was only an elevator ride away.

Therefore, I'm not convinced that most older men are too physically and emotionally drained to even think about cheating on their wives. As long as a man is still breathing, and has a tooth in his head, he could always find someone who's willing to do all of the thinking for him.


41 comments:

  1. "Socializing with his pants down." What a way to put it! Do you know how the nurse's aid handled it? Did she tell the wife? I can only imagine what an awkward situation this was for all parties involved.

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  2. Interesting story. I would rather see the good in people then to look for the cheaters. Like Cynthia, I giggled at the "socializing with his pants down" choice of words.

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  3. Oops, sorry, got a bit distracted. I was multi-tasking. Yes, I was drinking a cup of coffee and apparently, being a dude, thinking about sex every six seconds.

    I have plenty of gusto. Trouble is, so did my wife, but not with me.

    Gary :)

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  4. If he wants to, a man will always find a way.
    I'd never cheat on my wife because I love her and it would be a betrayal of her trust and God's anointment of our marriage.
    And also because the effort involved to court another woman would be mentally and physically exhausting. It took me years to build a relationship and understand my wife - why on earth would I want to put myself through that again?

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  5. I think some men would cheat on their wives at any age, I was lucky with the man I had for 35 years. Like Alex says there are number of reasons NOT to cheat.
    Interesting subject though.
    Yvonne.

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  6. Nursing homes are HOTBEDS for lust and sin. It gives me something for which to look forward.

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  7. I think everyone has the ability to cheat if they want to. It's a simple case of yes I'm going to indulge or no thank you. What's so bad about it all, is the people that get hurt or left behind in the process.

    That nurse's aid should have smacked his bottom (bum) and marched him back to his own room with his pants still around his ankles, ha ha ha ha. He might think twice about stretching his legs next time :(

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  8. A nursing home would be a great place to be a man. A woman on the other hand would have to compete will all of the many, many woman who live next door or just an elevator ride away. It sounds so unseemly.

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  9. "This was a perfect set-up for him, as he was able to have dinner with his wife, go out for a late night snack, and be back in his own bed by 7:00 pm."

    LOL.

    And, yeah, I think there's more going on in those nursing homes than we know! But there's no expiration date on love/lust/sex. My aunt just got married again at 80 years old!

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  10. Speaking for the wife I might have taken the opportunity to lock the door from the inside and heave a sigh of relief.

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  11. Cynthia - The nurse's aid didn't need to tell his wife, as he had been doing this for years. Thanks Cynthia!

    Rhonda - Keep looking for the good in people, and enjoy your wonderful husband! Thanks Rhonda!

    Gary - Sorry that your wife didn't realize how lucky she was to have you. You are one of the most caring people I know.

    Alex - It would also take away from your blogging time, so it's definitely not for you!

    Yvonne - You were very lucky to have had such a wonderful marriage!

    Arleen - Are you packed yet?!

    Rum-Punch Drunk - He would've still found a way. Besides, his wife enjoyed the break.

    Julie

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  12. Yvonne - You're right that men do have the advantage in nursing homes, and assistant living communities.

    Luanne - They might not be quite as wild anymore, because there are so many other options for seniors now. I think the party has moved onto retirement communities. Congrats to your aunt! Sounds like she found one of the good ones.

    Delores - I heard that she did do something along those lines. She appreciated the peace and quiet.

    Julie

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  13. I think that men who don't cheat, don't cheat. Age has nothing to do with it. Men who cheat, cheat. Same goes for women. A cheater will always be a cheater and age isn't a factor. I bet that old guy in the nursing home cheated on his wife the duration of their marriage. Same activity, different location.

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  14. LOL-- what a story. Not sure about the theory. I'm sure there are a number of reasons they do and don't, likewise for the women. But this story in particular got a chuckle out of me!

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  15. Robin - You are absolutely right! This was just an unusual example of how easy it can be.

    Julie - That's what I was hoping for! Thanks Julie!

    Julie

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  16. Great essay! I think cheaters are cheaters and non-cheaters aren't. And I'm also sure there are a few exceptions to that due to special circumstances.

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  17. Any one can choose to cheat. I don't happen to believe it's something exclusively a man's territory. I grew up with 7 brothers so yah, I get the whole sex interest thinking but I there is a big difference between thinking about sex and choosing to do it or cheat. I've known just as many women who have chosen that path.

    Personally? I have no tolerance or respect for cheaters. You want to play the field? Fine. Stay single. If you're married? You've made a commitment? Honor it.

    Sia McKye Over Coffee

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  18. Carol - There are always exceptions. Hopefully, I'll never become an expert on the subject. Thanks Carol!

    Sia - I'm sure that there are plenty of men and women who cheat for all different reasons, Queenan's article in AARP Magazine was about men, so I countered with the oldest man I knew about who cheated. I agree that commitments should be honored.

    You must have great stories about growing up with seven brothers Sia!

    Julie

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  19. This story reminds me of a story: Two old bulls were talking on top of a hill when they noticed a herd of cows grazing below. One bull says to the other, " Why don't we run down there and service a cow?" The other bull said, "why not walk down and service them all?" The women outnumber the men in nursing homes. This guy was just trying to keep all of them happy. Seriously, maybe the couple had an agreement? Maybe he wasn't cheating at all? A one night stand isn't all that serious. A relationship built over time spent together conversing with someone other than your partner is cheating whether you're 40 or 80. Erica Jong's "zipless f@&$" also came to mind.

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  20. Who knows? While he is out visiting other women, some man may be visiting his wife?

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  21. LW - Love the bull story! I'm not sure how many women this patient serviced, but his wife didn't seem to mind that he had a steady girlfriend close by. I agree that cheating is cheating at any age. Thanks for following me Linda, and I look forward to seeing more of you!

    Susan - Something tells me that she didn't want to be bothered, but if she did more power to her!

    Julie

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  22. Even if the desire is there I don't think most men want to pay the consequence and costs of divorce. Of course in a nursing home you can probably get away with a lot more believable excuses like "I thought it was my wife--it looked like her", "That wasn't my room?", or "I could have sworn my wife died years ago--you mean I'm still married?." You can also plead senility.

    Lee
    Wrote By Rote

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  23. What a story! And the last comment by Arlee had me laughing. Darn those cataracts!

    I do think cheaters are cheaters. I like to think those who don't cheat do so out of love, although being smart about not wasting the energy you've put into a relationship probably helps them get through the tough times.

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  24. Lee - You could say all of those things, but then they would move you to a floor with more supervision, and take away your elevator pass! Very funny Lee!

    Rula - Arlee had me laughing too! I agree that it's wiser to think about the whole picture, instead of risking it all for something meaningless. Thanks Rula!

    Julie

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  25. A tooth in his head?
    He don't need teeth.

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    2. Al - He does if he wants to post Facebook photos!

      Julie

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  26. This reminded me of when I worked as a social worker back in the 90s and spent plenty of time in nursing homes visiting patients. I was amazed how often this kind of "socializing" went on. I bet this cheater has plenty of company.

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  27. I agree with Sia. Not all men cheat. If it is our nature, we shouldn't make the commitment in the first place. Of course, I am happily married.

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  28. Julie - That must've been a very tough job. Yes, there are probably several more like him.

    JJ - I never said that all men cheat. There are plenty of good men out there. My point was that cheaters can cheat at any age. Your wife is very lucky and so am I.

    Julie

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    1. It was just an editorial for the unlucky ones. I don't like cheaters.

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  29. Hi Julie .. what a great story line ... love it .. at that age - I'm afraid I can't see much harm in it .. amusing all the way.

    Just so glad there are so many faithful men around, people who we can love and trust and don't stray ... cheers Hilary

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    1. Hilary - It is nice to know that there are still lots of good men out there, and a few good women too! Thanks Hilary!

      Julie

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  30. Yeah, as long as men need to "stretch their legs", they'll stretch 'em as far as they can without the wife noticing.

    xoRobyn

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    1. Robyn - I guess I'm pretty lucky that my husband doesn't have long legs!

      Julie

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  31. Ugh!!! Tell me about it! I'm gonna end up the crazy cat lady... But mannequin cats.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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    1. Valerie - Mannequin cats like mannequin rats, so at least you'll never be lonely! Hugs back at ya!

      Julie

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  32. Julie I have nothing new to add here! I do think that basically cheaters are cheaters and non-cheaters are non-cheaters...
    Anyway, I'm having such a good laugh at all the comments... especially Arlee's...

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  33. Seems like some will always try and get away with it if they can. I won't think about nursing homes the same way again!

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  34. Michelle - Arlee came up with some hilarious excuses! I agree with you on both counts Michelle!

    Nick - It's sad that some people are more interested in the act of "getting away" with something, than the act itself. Hopefully, you'll never have to give nursing homes another thought Nick.

    Julie

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