Tuesday, April 28, 2015

My Sweet 16 at an X-Rated Movie Theater


In September 2011, IWSG founder and A to Z co-hostAlex J. Cavanaugh created the "Worst Movies Ever" Blogfest. This is a repost of my extraordinary extracurricular activities.

My first job was at a concession stand at a movie theater when I was 15. My best friend was working as a cashier, and called me to come in for an interview. I said that I was 16, and after the manager asked me a few quick math problems, I was hired on the spot. The theater was packed as the Jeff Bridges and Jessica Lange version of King Kong had just come out for Christmas. 

These were the days before calculators when you had to add up all the prices in your head, but I still managed to shovel in plenty of popcorn in between customers. Once after working a double shift complete with enough popcorn for lunch and dinner, my favorite usher took me aside to tell me that he could see his reflection in my nose.

After King Kong left the building, we were inundated with one bad movie after another. I can't remember all of the titles, but they were loosely based on classic children's stories with a twist. The first movie that comes to mind is Pinocchio,  but this version was rated X. Yes, the respectable family movie theater decided to try out some X-rated films. Of course my parents didn't mind that I was working there. After all, a paycheck was a paycheck. 


Some of the other pornographic fairy tales included Alice In Wonderland where Alice plays an innocent librarian  who meets up with a rabbit, and Goldilocks and The Three Bares.

Unfortunately, I had to remove the Alice and Goldilocks posters.  I wish that I could provide more information about these movies. I just remember the ushers making a special effort to sweep up the theater several times throughout these showings. They were exuberant in their quest to pick up every extra kernel of popcorn. Fortunately, no one was caught exasperating in the balcony.

I never actually sat through any of these films, as I was too busy minding the Junior Mints. But I did catch a glimpse of Pinocchio telling a lie, and quickly walked out when I realized his nose wasn't growing. 


  1. Great and interesting post Julie, enjoyed the read.

  2. Not the place for an impressionable young girl lol.

  3. The good thing was that you didn't see your parents in the theater.

  4. Hi Julie - must have been an interesting learning curve ... and what fun you've had ever since relaying the stories back ... gosh too much popcorn is too much .. cheers Hilary

  5. It's not his nose that grows. Never seen it, but I know the tagline.

  6. Hi, Julie! First I want to thank you for visiting SDMM today and leaving another sweet and supportive comment for Margaret and her daughter Kathleen. Unfortunately, for the last day or two, Kathleen has been "poorly" as they say on Downton Abbey, and I am certain that your kind message will cheer her up. Please allow her a little extra time to write you a reply when she is feeling better.

    I'm not taking part in the A to Z and have been wondering how many people would have X-rated tales to tell this day. Your story reminds me of something that happened to me as a teenager. It was late 1967 or early 1968. My male cousin and I went to a theater that was showing Radley Metzger's steamy, avant-garde movie Carmen, Baby. Two girls were working as usherettes in the theater and I happened to know the one of them because she went to my church! :) To make a long story short, the two girls ended up joining us as we watched the movie. The girl I knew from church sat next to me. I won't go into the details of what transpired, but it was definitely an X-rated experience, the kind you read about in the Penthouse Forum and say to yourself, "Yeah, right...like that could ever really happen."

    Thank you again for making time for Margaret, dear Julie. Kathleen reads every comment to her mother and I know yours will make her very happy.

  7. LOL - I don't remember an X-Rated movie theater. I worked at the concession a the Old Orchard theater. Were you at a different one. Love this story.

  8. What an interesting first job you had, LOL! I only ever went once to a porno theatre, with a bunch of friends. Home video and now the internet were the deathknell of those dens of iniquity, thank goodness!

  9. OMG! Really? Unbelievable what the porn industry could come up with, right? And good for you for having good taste in movies at 16 knowing what's worth your time. :)

    But this is actually alarming I guess. What if kids come across the title and had access to them expecting an innocent movie? Just saying. :P

  10. X-rated Fairy tales? Sheesh. When I was 19 my boyfriend would let me hang out to watch movies at the theater but there weren't any X rated films, lol! The only X-rated film I ever saw, as a 20 yr old--I think, was a group of us thought it would be great to see The Story of O. Let's just say, while I was under impressed. It wasn't a porn theater, but the movie was on really late. I had more fun afterward going to the club and dancing. :-)

    Junior mints are a staple of mine (hubs love raisinettes) when I go to movie theater and popcorn of course.

    Sia McKye Over Coffee

  11. Oh the irony of having told a lie to get the job, and then being shocked by Pinnochio's growing...not nose. I admire you more than ever, Julie. There's nothing like the taste of movie theater popcorn drowned in delicious fake butter, and you munched on it for free. Great, fun X post, Julie.

  12. Now that was a very colorful job.

  13. Yvonne - Thank you, Yvonne!

    Delores - Fortunately, they went back to "R," "PG," and even G-rated movies a few months later.

    Arleen - Now that would've been creepy!

    Hilary - It didn't matter what movie was playing, as we had regulars that showed up regardless. We always found something to laugh about. Thanks Hilary!

    Alex - It was probably mild compared to movies today. Your RiffTrax friends would have enjoyed lampooning it. Thanks again for everything, Alex!

    Shady - It was nice seeing the photos from Margaret's party. Kathleen is a wonderful daughter, and I hope she feels better soon. Thanks for bringing their story to the "inner net," Shady!

    Glad you had an out of body X- rated movie experience, and you didn't even need to wear 3D glasses! Great story, Shady!


  14. I anticipated the Pinocchio movie punch line way before the end. You had quite an education and got paid, too!

    1. Lee - It was definitely worth the $2.65 an hour! Good for you for knowing the punchline! Now we really need to talk, Lee!


  15. Rhonda - It was a family movie theater that experimented with blue movies in M.G. We used to walk to the O.O. Theater on nice days. It was bigger, better and classier! Thanks Rhonda!

    Debra - They still have a few of those theaters around, otherwise celebrities would have more difficulty getting arrested. Thanks Debra!

    Lux - The poster had x-rated written on it, so I would hope there would be warning labels before they could access it. It's always better to be safe, though. Thanks Lux!

    Sia - I'm with you! They had erotic week during my freshman year in college, and I was the only one on my dorm floor who didn't go. I probably would've been more curious had I not walked in on that scene in Pinocchio, but I quickly got it out of my system. Thanks Sia!

    Robyn - I was 16 when the adult fairy tales were being shown. I only fibbed by a few months. Now that I think of it, I didn't get my license until the summer after my birthday which means my parents had to drive me to the porno theater! Thanks Robyn!

    Shelly - It was "very colorful," indeed! Thanks Shelly!


  16. Never seen it either, but I guess he enjoyed telling lies and I am sure his girlfriends liked him to do so. I never eat popcorn in theatres. Nor anything else. Just as well or I would be huge. Not that I go to the movies very often these days anyway.

  17. and that's how you learn about life. Nothing like our first jobs. I love the punchline to this story.

  18. GEM JULIE ~
    That last sentence was a... gem.

    I remember that updated version of KING KONG (Wow! What an X-rated movie-maker could do with THAT title, eh?) I saw that in the theatre, at about your age, I guess.I liked the part where Kong pulled Jessica Lange's top off, revealing her... king kongs. That's actually the only part of the movie I remember. Gee, I wonder why.

    Well, truth be told, I also remember something else about the movie: Rather than climbing the Empire State building in the remake, King Kong climbed the Twin Towers in New York. Yeah, the ones that came down on September 11th, 2001. I actually thought about that on 9/11 and figured it was probably the best documented look at the Twin Towers available. I haven't seen the remake though, because I still prefer the old black and white classic version. (The old classics are usually the best.)

    ~ D-FensDogG
    'Loyal American Underground'

  19. Jo - I wish I had your willpower. Yes, the extremely talented actresses in the movie probably encouraged Pinocchio to lie as much as possible! Haha! Thanks Jo!

    Joanne - Yes, I learned a lot about life in that theater! Thanks Joanne!

    Stephen - I only saw bits and pieces of King Kong, as the movie premiered over winter break, and the theater was mobbed. I'm sure Jessica Lange firmly planted herself in the role. I also didn't remember that the Twin Towers replaced the Empire State building in the remake. My heart still goes out to the families who lost their loved ones during that horrific event. So true about old classics. Thanks Stephen!


  20. OMG-too funny! The titles of these films are so bad they are funny. I remember seeing that King Kong version which royally sucked:)

  21. Greetings, human friend, Julie,

    My alleged human nose all about this and he tells me this was somewhat of a swell story.

    He mentioned some moved named "In Diana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ass." I think my deluded human makes things up.

    Nice pawst human, what's that popping out of the popcorn? Arf!

    Penny :)

  22. Birgit - It was a lot better than any of the adult fairy tales, so I've heard! Thanks Birgit!

    Penny - Now that's a great title for an x-rated movie! Thanks again for helping me with my Ursula Undress (Andress) poem!


  23. I loved your X-post highlighting an xtraordinary xtracurricular activity.
    Are there any more where that came from? LOL
    Love the ending...
    They say learning stuff first hand is the best way to get a life education.

  24. I remember when my mother mistakenly brought my young sister and I to see "The Harrad Experiment." She was absolutely mortified and refused to let either my sister or I get up from our seats to go get popcorn, candy, etc. Me, as a young teenager, had absolutely NO INTENTION on leaving what I saw on the screen
    Please feel free to Google "The Harrad Experiment."

  25. Oh my, what a shame the theater changed from family oriented to x rated and worse.
    Sandy at Bridge and Beyond

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